wish my mother were dead

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I made a post about being ugly quite recently and it's something I was having a hard time talking about clearly... meds back to normal and I'm anything but suicidal but I hate looking at my face because of how much I resemble my mother.

Both my sister and I look forward to her funeral, and probably a quiet celebration that our horrible mother has finally got no possible way to harm either of us.

I just.. wanted to get this out because I feel crappy that I can want someone dead, because I've never wanted anyone to die.

But her... her I want dead. She's a pedophile and a psychopath and I wish she would just goddamn die.

My feelings for my mom aren't as strong as yours, but I can understand your thinking. Mine is awful too. Hurtful and 100% self-centered... the only thing she cared about her whole life was her job. I doubt anyone will miss her when she's gone.

If your mom's a pedophile still, she needs to be in jail.

We know she lives with a baby now and considering what she did to my sister as a baby we know the baby of her husband's second wife is unsafe. They are still married under Islam and live as two wives to the same husband. There is nothing we can do. It would be nigh impossible to build a case against her legally even with the cousins who are willing to talk about what she did to them. It's been nearly 20 years. I regret that I blamed myself as a child. But we all did.

I'm sorry you have an awful mother too. Women shouldn't become mothers unless they intend to be good to their children. Our mother has acknowledged many many times that she never loved us. She blames our being "less than spectactular" we blame her being "less than human"

I certainly don't want to minimize your feelings because you have them and they are valid. I guess I am advocating a little compassion. A person's parenting skills is based upon how they themselves were raised. Wishing bad things for another person will only hurt you. My only suggestion is to move away from her and her sphere of influence and learn how not to treat others based upon how you were treated. Also, if she is really a pedophile, realize she is sick and needs to be treated for her illness. The same way you wouldn't dislike someone because they had the flu; you would get them medical help so they can get well. Sort of like "hate the sin and love the sinner"

I'm sorry, I don't think my mom raping little girls(myself included) is so innocent as having the f-ing flu.

Are you kidding? The flu? I have mental illness, and instead of taking it out on those around me, I seek help and take medications and go to therapy. Because I'm responsible for my actions even with mental illness.

Compassion for a woman who had two daughters in order to trap men, failed at it, and left both of us with other people to raise us, only stepping into our lives rarely and sexualy abusing both us and our cousins nearly everytime she got the chance... compassion is us not seeking revenge, taking justice into our own hands.

"if she really is a pedophile" what, do you need the gory details before you can assume she "really is a pedophile"? I'm in no way confused about what she's done. She's a rapist, she's commited sexual crimes of an incestuous nature, and she should be in prison.

And I don't think in terms of sin, I don't believe I have any sort of moral obligation to hate the actions and not the person who took those actions. Crimes aren't punished, the criminal is punished. She has evaded that punishment and I doubt she'll ever pay for her crimes. I just wish her life were over because I don't know how else to find closure.

I'm sorry if my reaction is unnecessarily harsh and caustic, but I'm not E.V. Debs, I'm not Jesus, I'm not Ghandi. I have very little sympathy for rapists/pedophiles, her especially, I'm hoping you can understand why.

Get the b$#%^& into prison then! Stop her from hurting the baby she has right now like she did to you and your sister!

We pursued that and it's basically impossible. That's why I wish she were dead. Because there's nothing we can do about it. I'm not a miracle worker. I'd rather my life only be occassionally consumed by my loathing of her and myself than consumed night and day by a fruitless pursuit of justice. There will be no justice, and it's gard to come to a place where I can accept it and move on.

Believe me, I wish I could protect that baby, but I am unable.

You don't need to apologise, it's how you feel.
I'm sure you haven't been the only family with similar circumstances.
It probably feels better just being able to talk about this, right?

Sometimes set laws and enforement of those laws are not adequate for a certain situation and in that time it's up to the victim to carry out their own form of law......whatever that may be. Take action and it might settle your anger.

I understand why you feel the way you do.