I'm having the same thoughts and feelings at age 27, and i did at age 18 too, you know i'm really glad i didn't succeed ( i tried), because my early twenties were the best years of my life. Also with driving, it is terrifying at first, and there are a lot of responsibilities that come with it that are equally as daunting, I started working finally at age 19, and weighed 340 lbs. I mean shoot, i really couldn't stand to look at myself, screwed everything up, but I was nice still, and niceness is under rated. I dropped out of high school and started working a gig folding pizza boxes, i highly recommend it, or washing dishes. This is how i started making eye contact and friends, you'll find that wherever you go, people will accept you, you've got to have a sense of humor, which I'm sure you do, and be kind, which i can tell you are. I can tell that you care and that's all that counts.
I thought that i was incredibly stupid for so long, until i realized (with the help of other people) that i was so smart that i was making everything overcomplicated. Because i wasn't doing enough.
Its like fuel, you've got TONS of it, so much that its weighing you down.
Ah anyway, it gets better, the people you work with become your best friends, once you can drive you can give them rides then they will LOVE the hell out of you, you'll have the most incredible moments and cry so hard from the overwhelming beauty of a sunset bouncing off a waterfall, you'll have strange and mysterious encounters with deer, you'll become a steward of the earth, all your weaknesses will become your strengths.
Ah anyways, i don't weight 340 lbs anymore, i got in shape, i had help, i helped. By the way, i took a painting class in college, after YEARS of catching up on math and English, Now English is fun, The weirdest most awesome people teach it, and they love helping you to grow and I'm sure that all the bottled up wonders in your head will be great on paper, and people will be able to chew on it for a while.
I took a painting class and it changed my world, Everyone is so worried about their own stuff and they just really want to grow and make friends and are as scared if not more scared than you are.
Degrees are nice, but they don't amount to anything besides a piece of paper and an experience, so make that experience what you want. enjoy it. Wear crazy colors to school.
I know this is super long but it makes me feel better to reach out, just found this site today.. ah. This is my friends website, its helped me a lot Anabellelistic . com , she has full blown autism and has a lot of great advice on how to make it work, and how to have a good life filled with good relationships.
By the way, you are wanted, loved, welcome in this world, by all flaura and fauna,
just be kind, exercise , laugh, eat organic
With LOVE
Eric
