Furious and venting

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This is really just a rant, because I'll figure out how to deal with it, but suggestions are always welcome.

My husband's parents raised their kids in a very authoritarian, rule oriented, "only one way to do things and this is it" type household. No disagreement or noncompliance was allowed. There wasn't abuse or even much punishment and certainly no yelling (yelling isn't nice) but they basically instilled fear of them into their kids. The kids weren't afraid of being physically hurt or even of the punishment, just of having their parents disapprove of them. To this day, as adults, those people hide things from their mother that she might disapprove of. Small things even, like my sister in law recently hid her new pots and pans when they brought my mother in law for a visit last winter because my MIL would have frowned and said "You don't need those, that's expensive".

Now, thats about the worse they every did. Just said something like that. Simple and easy to ignore, but they can't do that nor can they even to this day feel like they can do what they want. They never rebelled, they did it sneakily. My husband included.

He "rebelled" by doing the opposite from what they taught him to do, and still does this even today in his own life here, that his mother knows nothing about. He does it by doing stupid s**t. They made him shower and brush his teeth every day growing up, (which his mother still harps on and asks about every time she sees him and he lies to her about it, to this day!) and parents SHOULD make kids shower and brush every day but he "gets even" by not showering except once every week or two. He never brushes (but has never had a cavity and also hasn't been kissed by me in close to 20 years). His dad was always on top of keeping the yard cut and looking decent and repairing things around the house when they broke. DH waits until the cops come tell him to cut the yard and he NEVER fixes anything around here. They made him go to church every Sunday no matter what and he won't willingly go now even though he does believe in Christianity. The biggest problem I'm having with him though is his rebellion against their work ethic,

Both his parents had a good work ethic, sometimes too good because they would force themselves to go when pretty sick and wouldn't call in. They pushed their kids to be the same way. Well I'm all for a work ethic, but calling in when sick is acceptable. DH though, he does fine at work for months then suddenly just doesn't want to go so he fakes being sick. He does it over and over, and has lost jobs because of it. He now has this job at this crappy company because he lost his good job of five years last summer when he just wanted to lay out drunk for months. Which he did. And I almost left.

This company hasn't had much work the past few months so things have been very tight. He hasn't looked for a better job, no! He lays around and watches DVD's or stuff online. He doesn't care. Now that there is work again, he laid out last week a few days when he was fine, and this week he only gave me $100 for the entire week. That's to feed everybody, buy cleaning stuff, cigarettes (guess I'll be quitting for a week cause I ain't spending it on that) and of course, yet another week when I can't afford my freaking medicine.

Because of how he doesn't work half the time, we have no hot water because the gas was cut off in the spring, no cable so therefore no tv at all except dvd movies, the washer broke and we can't even buy a used one and can't afford a laundromat, and can barely afford the bare minimum of hygeine products and cleaning products. He doesn't suffer though. He leaves me and the kids here with nothing and goes to stay at his mothers where his brother and his brothers no good 20 yo lazy gamer son lives. He says it's closer to work and if he didn't go there he wouldn't have the gas to get to work. Right. Well if he hadn't been buying a freaking pint of whiskey a night he might have had the money to get to work from here.

They have hot water if he chooses to shower. They have cable. They have food. They have cigarettes. My brother in law always has a case of beer and a bottle of Jack. He also has at least an ounce of weed between him and his son. So why should DH have to worry? He doesn't suffer! He went there Tuesday after work and got home today. Meanwhile, we barely had enough food to eat even with the kids kicking money in for it, and I was having to bum cigarettes off my oldest daughter and her fiance, and my son who lives here.

Of course they should contribute to the household expenses. I'm not against that at all. My daughter's fiance works but he pays for the gas in her car, the upkeep on it, his school, the things that financial aid doesn't pay for her school, and that kind of stuff. He has about $40 a week leftover to spend on what he wants, and so they sometimes get pizza or very occasionally they have people over and he will buy some rum and mixers, etc. They buy their own laundry soap and he also buys their own drinks and snacks that they keep in their room (big room, living area, sleeping area, bathroom, walk in closet, storage room). He also pays for our internet, and will be paying for her car insurance. My youngest son works part time when needed at the same store and he doesn't get that much. He usually spends his on something seperate for him for supper if what I'm cooking isn't what he wants (usually how it is) and an occasional game, and cigarettes. My youngest daughter doesn't have any income. So there really isn't any money there to eat on when DH doesn't give me any money. They gladly forego pizza or seperate supper, or things like that to contribute, but it's really getting old.

What pissed me off was today DH told me that tomorrow he's going to his mothers for the weekend. So he can watch football because we don't have cable. So he's going there to spend the long weekend (labor day on Monday) in comfort while we are here with little food, no washer, no money for the laundromat, no hot water for showers, etc. He doesn't have to suffer the consequences of his actions, we do. Telling his mother does no good, she's half senile as it is and anyway she doesn't give a rats ass about us, only about her son. Plus, even when she wasn't crazy she would say that it's fine, you don't have to have hot water, you can wash clothes in the bath tub, you can eat beans and rice every day, you should quit smoking, etc. I know all that but it's pretty f*****g hypocritical for her to be that way when she's sitting there in a house and property worth two million bucks (I kid you not) with steak three times a week, not only hot water for her bath but also a s**t ton of expensive bath products, a brand new large capacity front load washer, and a freaking carton of cigarettes in her dresser drawer.

I can't even get a job in this town because there aren't any. It's that small. Trust me, I try and try. I still check in with the few places here in town to apply for any openings, but those openings always go to whoever is hiring's friends or relatives. Again, small town. I can't get a job in Tuscaloosa or Montevallo because I don't have a car. DH tore mine up last year when I let him drive it to work after he had tore up his van. (Car maintenance was something his dad was very good about. DH can't be bothered)

Anyway, I'm just furious tonight and not speaking to him at all. I don't know what I can do about it, because there is no talking to him. If I make him listen to me, it goes in one ear and out the other. He lies and tells me what I want to hear then does what he wants to do anyway. I can't get a job to get myself money, like I said. The little cleaning job didn't work out, long story, creepy old man, etc. Telling his family does no good. They now consist of his crazy ass senile mother, his brother who only cares about spending money on weed, booze, and uneeded s**t for his grown son that he treats like he's 12 with a terminal illness when the kids healthy and able bodied but spoiled and lazy, and his sister who hates me and my kids and is trying to cut DH out of the will so she can get all the money.

I can't leave him because there is nowhere to go. None of my close friends are in situations where I could go live with them, my mother is crazy so staying with her is out, and if I moved out and stayed in town I'd still be up s**t creek because I can't get work here. There aren't even women's shelters nearby and the closest one is in T-town and my daughter doesn't want to change schools, even though that shelter would be near public transportation so I could find a job. My son wouldn't come with me there, I know. He would just move on out on his own and find something to make money to support himself. My oldest daughter is moving out within the next few months to a house her fiance's parents own.

So, I'm stuck and furious. I hope I can keep my temper in check tonight because I'm about ready to go off on that lazy bastard and give him a good piece of my mind. He's turned into no good white trash is what he's done. He wasn't like this when I married him, not at all. I'll figure out something, but right now, I am at my wit's end. He's on my last nerve and I'm not gonna take this BS anymore. It's too much damn stress. I do not want to start a screaming argument tonight, but it's so hard to not say something when I'm this mad. I will be quiet though, and I will figure something out. What, I don't know, but it'll be something.

Lazy ass bastard.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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