My meltdowns are practically getting in fights with parents

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I've been thinking lately about my meltdowns, and it seems that most of them involve me getting into fights with my parents. I argue with them, and if I begin to go a bit manic, my dad either comes in and roars at me to calm down (comes running up to me which frightens the s**t out of me and I have to shut a door to stop him from getting me), or my mum lays into me if I start screaming at her in a frustrated high-pitched voice that I do. It's all a big row going on in our house, and God knows what the neighbours think. It's so embarrassing, all because I can't keep my unstable emotions to myself.

Moving out isn't an option right now, and I don't think I will be able to cope on my own at the moment anyway (having a lot of issues in my life at the moment and can't face the big change of moving out of my comfort zone, maybe in a few years when I've got myself sorted with a job and everything). But that's not the point - I just wish there was some way I could reduce my insane meltdowns, because I find I am upsetting my parents too much, and no wonder they lose control because if I had some crazy idiot living with me who panics over small things and turns them into huge problems by screaming, I think I would lose control and beat the s**t out of the f****r.

I just wish AS didn't have to involve all this diabolically abnormal behaviour. I am so worried about what the neighbours think of us. I have tried going on anti-depressants but I really did not get on with them, and I can't seem to control my meltdowns, especially when I get too overwhelmed with my problems and emotions and just don't know what else to do. Plus it's normal in nearly everybody to get angry from time to time, and you are going to act on it, but I just overdo it and don't seem to know how to deal with things like a normal person. I can't cope any longer with getting into fights with my parents, I feel like an out-of-control teen, and if my friends knew I behaved like this they will hate me or become freaked by my extreme split-personality. Is there anything else I can do to help keep my emotions under control, instead of lashing out?

I used to argue with my parents on a daily basis. Eventually I told them where to shove it and left. Haven't had an argument with anyone since and I never feel stressed beyond what is just normal every day getting-through-life stress. If you argue with your parents but not any of your friends, it's usually a pretty big indicator where the problem lays.

I haven't had a meltdown around anyone but my parents in 5 years. It is them not me. I guess someone could make the arguement that I don't hang around anyone else that I can't stand, but.....

Heh, I argue from time to time with my own family about my own problems and had the fall outs and the arguments...
Though you know this as well as I do, you still love them regardless...
Besides, moving out would be an awful move and a dreadful mistake in my opinion... as I can tell that you wouldn't like it and you'd want to go back.

Well, if I could afford to move out, I'd only be able to move to a block of flats, not a remote house (unless I land a really well-paid job, which I doubt). And in blocks of flats what we have around my area, you get some descent people but you're lucky to get nice quiet neighbours surrounding you. Everybody I know that lives in a flat has had some sort of trouble with their neighbours. And where I live at the moment, we are in a lovely peaceful area, with quiet next door neighbours that never have parties. I think I'll rather stay put. Plus I'll feel vulnerable living on my own, I don't know how other Aspies do it.

By the way I just had to bring up the subject of moving out because I know that someone will reply saying ''move out'', thinking it's as easy as it's said and money is no object and anxiety doesn't exist and that it will solve all my problems and I will be living in peace for the rest of my life.

Yeah... flats aren't the best.
You either get the loud ones, drug takers and dealers and the weirdo types that you don't wish to associate yourself with... otherwise there are a few that are okay.
I think some aspies can live independly because they have trained their brain to accomodate their living requirements and needs.
Come to think of it, do you get a lot of sleep or are you disturbed by the noises outside such as the shouting, the cars and traffic, that sort of thing? Sorry for going off topic.

I don't really get disturbed at night, because I don't really hear the cars from my room (the road isn't near enough and there are thick hedges in front of the road). I sometimes hear the odd motorbike go by at night but it doesn't really bother me. Shouting can sometimes irritate me, like if a group of people are walking past late at night from the supermarket (what is open all night), and they have brought alcohol with them and are shouting and whooping as they go past, which can be annoying but nobody tends to hang about outside our house. And the neighbours are quiet at night because they have a 6-year-old child and I think the parents go to bed early aswell. So that is why it's not so bad where I live, there aren't so many noises outside that distract me, only in the day when I can hear kids playing. That can be annoying.

It's mainly household noises what upset me, like people chattering above or below me or in the next room, and people moving and bomping about above me, and doors slamming (seems to be such a common habit in people to slam doors), and other noises like that. In most flats I've ever been in, I've often heard their neighbours banging doors, talking, loud music thumping or TVs murmuring, and people chattering right outside the window (if they're downstairs), and car doors slamming in the carpark, and all those other sorts of noises that annoy me. My friend lives in a flat and she's the only one who works, the rest around her all seem perfectly OK but all seem to be on incapacity benefits and claim that they're unable to work, even though they seem pretty normal to me. If I'm politically able to work, then surely they must be. They're always hanging out in groups all day socialising, and having parties all night. I think I'd rather stick to my own home having frequent arguments with my parents than putting up with all that.

I actually really like living in an apartment, because even though the neighbors sometimes have parties or whatever, now (unlike when I lived with my parents) I have locks on both external doors so I can just lock everyone out, close the curtains and just be myself. It's kind of like having a giant bedroom. That said, I grew up in a house where my parents played loud music a lot, so I got used to locking myself in my room to escape, so I might have a higher tolerance for dull background noise than some others.

Anyhow, back to the OP, I only know a little about your situation, but maybe just trying to spend more time in your room might help avoid conflict; it did for me. I used to have violent meltdowns against my parents once a week (I once grabbed my father by the neck while he was driving on the way back from an amusement park). Eventually, I figured out what situations made me angry and avoided them. For me, it meant spending more time in my room and asking my parents not to bother me and to leave me home alone when they went on certain outings I knew might be too much for me. That removed a lot of the stress and curbed the meltdowns to an acceptable level. I guess my advice would be to try to make your parents understand what you need to avoid your triggers, because it sounds like they really don't understand.

My parents both know that snow mostly triggers my meltdowns off. Last winter I had a few tears. On a Wednesday night I heard on the forecast that it was going to snow the following Saturday, which set me off a bit, but my mum and dad were like, ''oh it'd probably change by then.'' But then I heard the same again on Thursday and Friday night, (another reason why I got angry was if that was longlasting, heavy rain being forecasted for Saturday night, by the time Saturday night comes we all know they got it wrong, but this time it really did snow heavily on Saturday night). So by Saturday I kind of accepted this, and tried to forget about it and a part of me hoped it won't be as bad as they say. I tried to shut all the curtains and lock myself away, but my auntie came round for dinner that night and I wanted to see her so I had to come out of my bedroom. But before she went, I heard her saying, ''Christ, it's really coming down out there!'' and I thought to myself, ''oh my God, it's starting now!'' I still tried to block it from my mind all night, and the next day I actually went out in it with my mum and my auntie, which wasn't a good idea because every stranger they passed kept greeting them which got really annoying in the end (another peeve of mine that triggers off angry thoughts, causing meltdowns at home and it's over such a damn stupid thing that no wonder they can't understand why I'd get upset over such a stupid thing). It didn't snow any more, and it was starting to thaw throughout the week - until it came to Thursday night, when it snowed again. And that was when I had a bigger meltdown, causing my whole family to be upset.

No wonder I've got seasonal depression - it's September, only 3 months to go and it'd be winter. It doesn't always snow straight away but it's still the season that has higher risk of freezing temperatures and snow.

Sweet Pea hugs