Interfering mother

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Is there any way to stop her from interfering in my life? I have a bad feeling she's going to try and interfere with my relationship at some point, because she thinks my boyfriend is a bad influence. The only reason why is because he drives a motorbike and I ride with him. She was saying things like, "Well, I don't want to meet him.", "What's the point in doing all this if you're just going to kill yourself?", "I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing", "Try to hold your bodyweight and then times it by 30-40 miles per hour", "You've only got small hands, you can't hold your bodyweight".

She has the angry look in her eyes about it as she usually does when she's about to interfere. The other day I found out she was telling my college I've applied to - ALL about me and my history. She tells anyone she can about my AS and how awful it's been. Even my optician and dentist knows about it. She told my college that I don't put up my hand to ask questions and told them my history. I think the college realised my mum was being OTT and didn't pay too much attention to it. I only found out she contacted the college (I told her very clearly not to) because they told me, and rolled their eyes. She did that with my other college too.

I'm not going to tell her where I do work eventually, voluntary or not, because I don't want her interfering. Whenever my stepdad has had a go at her about interfering, she doesn't say anything.

She's quite controlling of me anyway, trying to make me do things quickly, like moving my stuff when I tell her not to. She broke my chair the other day because she just would not listen on how to handle it. She'll try and hurry me up by saying things like, "But I just want to get on with my LIFE".

When I remind her I that I told her, "No", she'll reply with,
"But you didn't say *why*" or "But it wasn't a proper *no*".

But yes, anyway, the relationship...I do not want her to interfere. I'm honestly thinking of moving away from her, even though I've only just moved. Not just for the relationship, but with other things like work. If I moved to Scotland for instance, she wouldn't find it so easy, would she? I don't know. Please advise. She only knew I went on a motorbike the other day cos my neighbours told her.

Oh, you have one of those too? Aren't they just a barrel of f'king monkeys to have around?

Sorry, no advice to give. I've given up trying to fight with mine. The old nag already drove MY car into the ground rather than replace the one she wrecked. She doesn't let me have friends, she doesn't allow me to perform any poignant functions around the house yet will simultaneously accuse me of laziness. She berates my eating habits, how I spend my spare time, refuses to allow me access to any money, and she never misses a chance to let me know that this train wreck of a life I lead is all my fault. Any attempt to verbally fend off this assault is quickly squashed with threats of eviction, 911 calls and the dreaded 5150.

Funny, she wasn't abusing me until my father divorced her. But at least she doesn't throw s**t at my head and beat me with man fists the way he did. Of course now my brother has taken that role.

Kill me, please.

I'm sorry for you DiscardedWhisper. That doesn't sound good at all. Guess you have to do the best out of it whatever way you can.

When people are talking about overcontrolling mothers I just automatically think of how wrong I think it is. In that kind of situation it is imporant to think of what is happening and if there is any purpose of it. You are your own person, your mother is her own person. You are existing on your premises and are a totally different individual than your mother, and your mother is the same totally different to you. Two independent existences. Then nobody should have that control over you or interfere in what you do - as long is it's not for your own good, like if she's trying to protect you and nurture you like a parent should. If it does more damage than what it should do, which I have experienced myself, there is no solution. She just can't do that. I won't tolerate it, I won't take it. I remind myself of the fact that I exist totally unreliant of these people, I was just born in this world, and I had nothing to do with it. If she can't accept me living me own life doing what I want to do with my life, and are interferring in a way that's not rational or helping, only damaging, than it's her problem. It can be that easy for me, just state these points, explain it to her, show that I am dead serious and that there is NO other way, and my mother will understand it after some time. You have to have some backbone.

Sweet Pea hugs

I think you should do it like you would a mangie maggoty old band aid .

I didn't get my dx till after a major major break down and this story sounds familiar to me , They even turned on me and told me how awful I was growing up going so far that they where able to hardwire in to my mind that I was a slacker and that I shouldn't be on disability. This made the situation worse,

My Catholic family oriented GP guy says I should cut them out of my life * for good (what does that tell you)

Really people are not worth it . except for you it seems, you must be a wonderful person to have a significant other in your life


The motorbike sounds like fun

Heres what has helped me(my parents are obsessed with the idea of me finding a partner so I have to hide any girls I meet for as long as possible to prevent them from freaking out):

Get your own way of transport that doesnt depend on her(bicycle or bus can work)

Make a point to avoid meeting your boyfriend without another person around and say that you are meeting a friend for a while.

Try to withhold as much information as possible and only give irrelevant information when you see that theres no way out.
( If you ask my parents all girls I meet are 15 years older or more and yes my father has suggested that I should try to hook up with one of them at several occasions)

That's very interesting. My mum and nan are obsessed with me finding a partner too. And, they always assume I'm going to stay with a guy - for life. I think that must be why they're getting so worked up about my boyfriend, despite them knowing absolutely nothing about him. They're assuming I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone who's going to kill me! My nan even texted me last night making a "helpful suggestion" that I get life insurance . I didn't reply to it, of course.

What's really irritating about the both of them, is that even when I've met creepy men and have had a big hunch about them that they were bad - they didn't care. They just assumed I was imagining it, and then these guys turned out to be violent (thankfully not to me). They acted the same way with my sister when she came across a creep.

When I was with my last boyfriend (not a creep) and he was messing me about, mum and nan tried to make me feel guilty so I would stay with him: "Oh, there aren't many good men in the world", "But he's such a nice boy" etc. despite him making plans with me all the time and cancelling them to see his friends. Yes, what a great person to stay with for life. Not. And, I don't even plan that far ahead in the first place, not when I've only been with someone for a few months.

I'm really pissed off at them both, tbh. My mum has now suggested that my boyfriend comes along to this party my stepdad's boss is having. I'm thinking..."What is she going to do?" And, I'm thinking, "No way am I going to let her meet him after what she said".

I agree, withholding information is the key here. I'm barely going to talk to my neighbours, too. Not that I'm annoyed at them, because they're nice people. It's my mum and nan who are the ones making trouble.

As for transport, I use public transport. She doesn't drive, and nan hardly does. I want to get my own motorbike now just to piss them off. And...yes, aussiebloke, motorbikes are fun!

Two good things about this whole situation are that my boyfriend doesn't seem to care what my mum thinks. And, my stepdad had a word with her about it. He completely agrees with me that I'm old enough to do what I want, as long as I take the right safety measures, which I have. I dunno if she listened to him or not.

Aussiebloke, I wouldn't have anything to do with a family like that either.

I guess its similar for my parents.
They were extremely concerned about any suitable girl I met in the past because they thought that this sort of things last forever and now Im scared to talk to them about most girls.
It has lead to some funny situations.
IE: my mum does a weekly activity with one of my friend's mums and they talk a lot about us.
One day she came here saying that this guy had had some female neighbours over and I needed to start inviting them(I find it odd that he talks to his mother about having some friends at his place but Im not going to judge him). I kindly pointed her out that the same girls had been here multiple times when I had the house to myself.

Sometimes its best to just ignore them for a while and they'll see that that sort of input is not welcome. So I think that you did the right thing by ignoring the last message.


Definitely dont let them met him right now.
Its unclear how they are going to react to meeting him and the whole thing would be extremely awkward considering how things currently are


Hope that she listened to him and things improve soon

Only 30 - 40- miles and hour ?

Try going from 0-100 miles in under 10 seconds or so

(Thats another fun thing to do) scare the %^&T out of some one

Her calculation didn't even make sense, whatever the speed she used was.

Do you think that you mom is a narcissist?

Since I can relate to this story I was thinking the same thing

To OP your mom could be paranoid because she feels you could fall from the bike and get hurt. Even i am paranoid and protective about my son.

I dont think she is narcissistic because i know my mom is. After i got married my mom would keep checking on my husband every two days she would enquire what i was doing, where i was going, whom i was meeting.

I remember once i had gone to a tour to another state without my husband in tow....she kept calling up my hubby every two hours enquiring where i went, whose place i was putting up, why he allowed me to travel alone...so on and so forth.

This is a case of narcissism because she could have called up on my phone and enquired about me but instead she wanted to control my life so its all about finding about my whereabouts and putting an end to my happiness

She would never let me have friends, she would hear my phone conversation, she would keep going up to my classmates home to check whether i was there when actually i would be in college or school.

Such parents are living nightmare.........not even in dreams they spare you they hunt you like a wolf