Bye Dad

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Well, I just recently re-met my father after around 10 years. I found myself nearly incapable of socializing with him, due to the long time away from one another. (This is my parents fault, for forcing him and I to be unable to see one another for so long, and for no good reasons.) I had no say in whether or not I wanted to continue seeing him. Anyways, I guess he sees no use in being here anymore. He came here to get together with the family again, and for work. Around a year later and barely any socializing with me, he's gone now. Very far away for a new job. I feel bad, because I did not socialize with him well, nor did I tell him how I really felt, like how I missed him, and that it was not his fault that my parents said he and I could no longer see eachother. I also did not make him feel loved. It is too late now. He has moved on. I fear that he may be very depressed. I've heard the parents talk about it to eachother, not around me of coarse, but I have a good ear for things around the house so I overheard them talking. I wonder if he is really moving for work. I have to admit, I'm a bit afraid that he may be planning suicide. He's gone now, nobody said there goodbye's either. I have considered sending a letter telling how I feel, to hopefully cheer him up. That's all I can think of doing that would possibly help his mood.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. Be sure to "own" your individual feelings, and try not to presume you know how he feels. Just be honest, tell him what you've been thinking. Seems like that's about all you can do.

Hang in there.

I too agree with the letter idea. It may be easier for you to put your feelings down on paper than to verbalize them as this is normal for many people on the spectrum. I wouldn't see this as a final goodbye either. Rather it is an end to this chapter in your relationship. He is still alive and so there still is time to work on this in the future. Many times we see things only in terms of black or white when noting the gray area would actually be more appropriate. I think this is one of those times. So, cheer up and try to do what you can now to fix things for the future. So long as there is life, there is always hope.

Thanks guys. I think I will send a letter his way. It will be difficult, expressing emotion is hard within family, especially considering that they(My adopt parents) will probably find out about it soon after he receives the letter. I was brought up to be ashamed to feel emotion, and I was ridiculed and humiliated if I did show any. He was really the only person I felt semi comfortable acting "human" with, then he had to go, and now it's all so different.

Sorry to hear that you had to grow up in such a dysfunctional environment. While large expressions of negative emotions (anything violent) should be somewhat repressed at times, there is nothing wrong with showing emotions. They are a part of life and a part of who you are. It sounds to me like your adopted parents just wanted to control you rather than accept you and love you for who you are. Hopefully your future holds more positive influences and relationships where you can be yourself without such harsh judgement.

Yes, definitely let him know. I never knew my father at all as a kid. I think he had a fling with my mom, then went back to his wife when he found out my mom was pregnant. But I found out many years later that he was kinda prominent in that he was director of finance for a large university.

I actually ran into him (or someone with the same name as him) about 13 years ago, while out with my daughter. I thought about talking to him and saying, "I think you knew my mother," but I was too shy.

Hey Pondering,

I agree with both of outofplace's replies. Based on your two posts here, between forbidding you to see your biological father and their belief that all emotions should be repressed & hidden, it seems that your adoptive parents have some serious issues of their own. It pains me to read this, honestly, as I had a very positive & supportive relationship with my parents, and honestly cannot imagine a life without that.

Though it will be difficult to do so, try to remember that you are your own person and needn't subjugate yourself to their beliefs. Of course, there are likely many extenuating circumstances in your situation at which I can only guess. Try to keep your head on straight, as the saying goes.