My therapy is disappointing

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I'm down right now.

I'm in therapy, with a counseling psychologist who understands Asperger's very well. We are working with my OCD and depression.

But it's not what I thought it would be.
I NEED someone to understand. I NEED a shoulder to cry on. I NEED emotional support. I can't get it from family, my friends can't give it, and my mentors don't want to go that deep. I HAVE NO OTHER SOLUTION.

But, with therapy, they just want to fix you. They figure that fixing you will magically solve your problems, but it's not working. Nothing works.

There is no relief, no help, no one. People are too shallow, lazy, and selfish to care, or want to care. Even the people you think do care, don't in the end.
If you're valuable to people, you're used, not loved. If your not valuable, your abused, not loved. When I reach out, no one is there. No one cares. My psychologist told me that to make friends, you have to make yourself valuable. I don't want friends that have to feel important to be friends. That's just stupid.

When people are suicidal, you stick 'em in a hospital. No one asks WHY they feel that way, and no one cares.

Here's a hint, world. MAYBE they wouldn't feel that way if someone DID care.

I hear people talking about how they found this magic person that cared, was there for them when it was tough, reached out when they hid away, was a selfless friend. THIS PERSON DOESN'T EXIST FOR ME. AND THEY NEVER WILL.

I'm alone. I have nothing. My lot in life is to produce stuff for a shallow world that doesn't give a s***t, to pretend to matter, to get used up like a towel and thrown out, and most importantly, to make people who aren't better than dirt feel good about themselves. Then, when it's all over, I'm supposed to die a peaceful death and maybe have someone to put a stupid wilted flower on my grave and say something about me that wasn't true.

What kind of existence is this s***t?

I know God. I love God. But God created PEOPLE. And people are SUPPOSED to be kind, caring, and not selfish. Supposed to be.
Heck, people would screw me over even if they knew my religious beliefs. They wouldn't understand; they'd just laugh, sneer, and judge. I can't be secure anywhere.

I hate this. Nothing is ever what it seems it will be.

Therapy is not about emotional needs, but about teaching particular skills or different ways of thinking.

I'm a Christian, and in my faith man is not seen in nice terms but rather as having a natural state of evil and wickedness. From what I have seen of other people, I have no reason to doubt the truth of this assessment. I'm sorry to hear about your lack of emotional support. I feel much the same way myself, but for different reasons. I also relate to feeling that people only want you around when they can use you as I feel that way much of the time as well. I do have a few friends I can lean on though and sometimes that makes all the difference. It is hard to find that sort of person in this world and I have met very few of them. Perhaps as you continue your journey through life, God will find it in His heart to bless you with one or two of them.

I'll try to be supportive rather than practical. I get what you mean, my therapist is cool but the guy who prescribes me my medication is almost anything but pleasant to be around. To the point I don't greet him when I come into my doctors office.

His demeanor is to the point that even if he was just there to provide prescriptions, he was tactless, and his words almost oozed with fake compassion. He really couldn't give a rats ass if I was there or not.

To be honest a great therapist could give emotional support--but its not primarily what they are there for. They do want to fix you so you are better equipped to deal with your issues. My therapist and me are more like afterschool buddies than anything.

Esther.. why can't you get emotional support from your friends or family?

I can't get it from my family because I'm VERY uncomfortable sharing around them...I had an abusive and manipulative family and many times they just try to fix me too...not really emotional support. Also, they are looking to me for emotional support themselves, even though they're older, parents, and I'm not in a place to give that to them. The moment I start to break down they turn it around to what they can get out of it emotionally. So, unless I want to have to be strong for someone there, and bear all of their burdens, I can't show what's going on.

My friends my age are pretty much on a shallow basis. My therapist and I talked about this. If I share something deep, the most I get is "I'm sorry...why can't you change this or that?" If I COULD, why would I be coming you YOU? I would just change it! That's how I feel when going to them.

And my mentors just don't seem to want to go very deep. They like to stay connected to school, or little problems, but really deep stuff, and they say that I need to get professional help.

Duh. I HAVE professional help. What I DON'T have is emotional help. Oh well. I guess you can't have it all.

You shouldnt have to work on yourself to get friends, should you?
At least not that kind of faking to be valuable.
That will never work out. Who would like to change to be accepted. Change and change and change...

There are people out there that'll accept you the way you are. Just very difficult to find and to contact.





That is just what I thought as well. They will not try to understand you just look on you from a certain kind of "absent perspective".
And because they don't want to involve personally, they'll give you drugs and advices that are entire NT perspective??

What I never understood is that when you are down
all people will run from you. Why?
When you are happy they will try to be your best friend.
And abuse you. Why?
(And when you would like to kill yourself they'll prevent you from doing this
but won't help you either. Why?)

I don't usually run from people when they are in trouble ...
I'll try to always be polite and even talk to alcoholics if they start talking to me.


And with potential girlfriends/boyfriends that is even a worse problem. No chance
How should unhappy people ever manage?
In this world there is per definition no unhappy people.
Or it seems that nobody ever would consider to help you when you are down.
You'll have to pull you out of that by your own. Otherwise you are not worth it.


It's like money. The ones that have it get more although they wouldn't need it.
And the ones that don't have it will get less and less.

Well, I see the problem, that you'll need a certain intimacy that people would consider helping you.
But even best friends tend to turn away when you are in trouble.

And then it is like this:
Aspies dont understand NTs. And NTs understand even less aspies.
If something goes wrong, you're automatically the one to blame.
They are always right
(And you'll feel anyway guilty even if you didn't do anything wrong)

Strange all this.

Maybe NTs will be happy with just advice and will find that normal that there is so little personal aspects...
All is made for them. Not for us.

Unfortunately it has been my experience that therapy is all about teaching you how to fake being normal to 'fit in'. Apparently self-deception works for NT's. Just weeeird.

what a mess that is... I guess you meant "NT-normal". Great.

We should then clearly have our own aspie psychologists (those that are themselves aspies).
BTW how would that be?
I mean if you study psychology they would hardly go into perceptions of aspies from an aspie perspective.
Though I would think that an aspie still would be able to connect to things very differently and even connect both worlds...

we are completely normal, too, just in our way.
Now, anxiety and depression are not normal,
but I think just a result of being exposed to be perceived as strange.

Faking to be someone that you aren't is not going to make you happy.
I hate fakes!

Just changing to be different will do it. And you can do that.
It'll just take ages because you'd have to build up the base constructions under it.
But I feel you'll have to do exactly that, find your own way to deal with anxiety and depression issues.

That's I guess what you would need building up these base construction together with your psychologist
including deep going reasoning

Is then faking for NTs a normal personal development or what? They can just fake around and that's it?
Apperently it's all about this that NTs can just very easily live with predefined things
which we'll find totally strange. And that what we perceive as "fakes" are not at all fakes for them.

In that way self-deception is not that, just seems to be the reality for NTs.
Really nice comment because it just so nicely puts it to the essential point!

If you don't want to "fix" the situation, why are you going to therapy? That's kind of the purpose of therapy. Old-school analysis went on forever, but modern therapy is supposed to be a treatment. If you just want to complain, that's what friends and family are for, really. Also, why would you not want solutions? Otherwise you deal with the same crap over and over and on and on.

I think she wants a therapy that would go merely into a more exploring her feelings and explaining them (listening instead of machining it right). And why not?
That this is very hard to do for any NT is very clear.
But being machine-treated is not pleasant at all, something really essential is missing then. Actually all feelings.

Of course everybody needs someone that understands them.
And somebody that you can tell how you feel. Somebody that'd back you up

Now, how do you tell a friend if you don't have one or not have a friend that you could tell to?
My parents are neither the ones I would like to share my problems with,
because I know that they wouldnt necessarily understand.
And then I'd feel embarrassed.

If you don't have any friends or backup you will just easily return to that state again.
And faking around to get some friends is not ever going to work.
This is by far too much against aspies' rules.

We have at least some kind of feelings. And they'd have to be considered

It must be really depressing to live a lie.
Maybe even more depressing than living "for real" and being rejected because you aren't living a lie.

Sweet Pea hugs

OK that what I wrote here first was just too stupid I had to delete it.

You never have to live a lie. There will be people that like you,
and especially because you are so different, so honest, so precise, so reflected.
Some people like that.

You'll only have to get away from your anxiety.
And I think faking something is not the way to go.
Your therapist probably thinks that you don't have enough to offer for friends generally.
Now that is wrong I think. If the is something then you're just too depressed and anxious that
somebody unknown wouldn't feel "near" enough that he/she could handle that.

But, have you tried to be just around people and just go with them wherever they go?
If you don't have anybody then you'll probably have to go to some new place, where you don't know anybody.
That is difficult of course. And not guaranteed that there will be people that you'll find interesting.

Usually being around with people has been enough to make me forget a lot at least for that moments.
What about aspie support groups with guys that would also go out and have some parties or something like that?

When I was younger I was just flowing along with other people. And I had still fun, although not being the perfect party guy or so...
Of course I never felt being any kind of wrong person or something like that.
That has changed now a lot.

I just exactly feel similar, but that I wouldn't return to this kind of normal life any more.
For me typical NTs that are not enough reflected are boring at that moment...

I guess you should go for more intelligent people, some that are thinkers
and avoid those that are just going for fulfilling exactly that what society is expecting from them.
They are anyway not smart

I'm going to try my best not to lose my temper at this.

It's already off on the wrong note, but I don't care.
Let me set it straight, k?

1. Of course I want the situation(S) fixed. I wouldn't be paying hundreds of dollars for it if I didn't. Notice that I said I didn't want MYSELF to be viewed as something to fix. Get it?
2. I guess you missed the point that I DONT HAVE friends or family to complain to. And really, if I did, they would probably just act like you, which is why I wouldn't tell them anyway.
3. I guess you think feeling emotions is only something that neurotypicals do, and that the best way to cure depression is to just throw solutions at people. Here's a newsflash - people with autism feel emotions and do appreciate sympathy. Also, I'm not stupid and have tried MANY "solutions." It's not like I can't think up a solution. It goes beyond that.

I see where you are going. These are really good points.
I do have friends, and intelligent friends at that. The problem is is that there is only so much that they can handle, I think, before I get labeled a burden and dumped.
So, I've kept it all to myself, because every person that's ever heard whats really going on has eventually dumped me. Most people have no capacity for real compassion, I don't think.

And you're probably right. My therapist probably thinks that I don't offer enough for people anyway. I HAVE plenty to offer....I just don't know how to offer it.

In the end, it all comes down to general social autism problems getting in the way of having any kind of good relationships. And that's severely depressing for me.

And maybe I should re-phrase myself.

I actually have some friends that would probably listen and sympathize...but I DONT KNOW HOW to approach it in a way that won't burden them, hurt them, or scare them.