I'm afraid I'll never be ok.

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I wake up feeling depressed and anxious. I go through the day feeling depressed and anxious. I go to bed depressed and anxious. The only things I'm looking forward to nowadays are my appointments with psychologists who will try to figure out what the heck is going on inside my head. All I do is wait. I wait for the appointments but they're so far away all I can do is wait for the night so I can go to bed, struggle with insomnia and then wake up to yet another day of waiting. Time goes by very slowly and I hate it. I don't know what to do. I just want someone to answer my questions NOW. I'm afraid I'll never be ok, that I can't live a normal life.

Please someone, understand.

Rant over.

Don't worry, I'm the same. I have a lot of anxiety and depression issues. I've tried meds but I didn't get on with them, and medication isn't always the answer. But I've tried everything else too; confidence-building classes, different courses, voluntary work, work placements, social groups, gentle exercise, and I'm currently looking for employment (well, I've got no choice), and nobody will give me a chance, and the usual cliche ''the right job will come along soon'' and ''just keep looking until one comes up'' is getting pretty old now, being so this job seeking s**t has been going on over 4 years now and I'm beginning to think I will never have a job at this rate so I might aswell give up. I would like to just give up on all these unemployment benefits and just do voluntary work, but then where would I get money from to live on? If I try for some sort of incapacity money, their attitude will be ''if you can do voluntary work, you can do anything''. Ohh, there's just no answer!

I'm sorry I don't have no advice for you, but I am in the same boat. Like I said, I have tried a lot of things to help with my anxiety and depression, and sometimes things may help temporarily but then I go back to being anxious and depressed again, and I suppose you're the same. Plus it don't help hearing about everybody around me getting on and having jobs, friends and relationships, and I'm 22 and have the life status of a 15-year-old (except I'm not at school). It seems like my brain has hardened up and won't change, so whatever I try to do with my life I still feel anxious and depressed and outburst prone. The only thing that does make me feel happy is getting on my favourite bus route (to my voluntary job) and seeing my favourite bus-drivers (who I can seem to naturally act NT in front of because I'm obsessed with them), but I can't even have that now because they changed all the drivers to these grumpy bastards.

So I feel for you. Maybe someone else here will offer better advice. I just hope nobody offers the same boring cliche advice.

I can relate to a lot of that.
Most of my 40 years I've been depressed and anxious, with states of shutdown when under stress to integrate with people that I can't connect to.

But some anti-curebies on here love their condition, that they are on the spectrum.
I think they become happier as soon as they stop trying to interact with the world and just do their own thing.
But I feel a need to be with people otherwise I get loneliness and more depression.
Some people say "I wouldn't be anything other than be an aspie. Sure I am depressed and anxious when with NT crowds and I have to spend my days sitting at a computer being all lonely and I cant get a job, but hey I can do quirky puzzles really well(while trying to delude myself that NTs can't do that)"

They don't seem to have our problem.
Maybe for some "happy aspies", their secret is to be completely void of any intimate, emotional or sexual desires, thus not feel any urge to get out there. Maybe hormone removal therapy, if there were ever such a thing, would be the answer. Who knows.

Well aside from wanting to live a normal life(I don't really care about that, just something a bit more stable is fine) I can see what you mean. That's pretty much what I'm dealing with except aside from the general depression and anxiety there's ptsd symptoms which cause weird symptoms though I don't know if that explains all of them. I also got two prescriptions one I am out of and one I still have but as far as I can tell isn't helping anything really.

Anyways I hate just waiting for appointments while everything gets worse for the most part.

My AQ score went down from 43 down to 33 after a few Belgian triple-fermented beers.
Funny effect that alcohol has on me; I never like to drink alone though, I see that as a social thing to do.
At my age though I can't take the hangovers so well as I used to.

I noticed since this thread came about, the anti-cureby "I love AS" preachers have gone very quiet suddenly.