I just feel like I'm being left behind.

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I've found recently, that if something's going to happen it all happens at once, In the last two months, my best friends the people who I used to confide in and hated the world just as much as I have have become complacent, have relationships, jobs and are just generally happier. I try to be happy for them but I'm starting to feel like I'm being slowly pushed away because they'd rather spend time with their girlfriends which just makes me feel like I'm being stabbed in the back by them.

I would happily give my life to protect them if we had no choice but I'm just starting to feel as if they don't value me as much of a friend anymore and that they don't even understand what they mean to me, they're my brothers and that if I did give my life for them I feel like they wouldn't care anywhere near as much as these guys.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQstq6crNSM[/youtube]
For instance today I was having problems with my knuckles because it had gotten cold and where I have previously broken my hand it was starting to hurt so I decided to leave and generally when me and my friends say bye we would hug and be on our way, but recently they haven't been making any effort to actually say bye and instead come up with some BS reason as to why they're not making any effort such as their girlfriend apparently sitting on their lap when they're clearly just sat in front of them. I tend not to really speak to their girlfriends bar three of them (There's at least seven of us) and whenever I mention to any of the guys that they've changed they ridicule me for it and make it seem like I'm the bad guy. They're also so damn whipped that we can't even have private conversations anymore and talking is usually my coping method and the dude who is my best friend out of the lot told his girlfriend this and she understands being that she's one of the ones I talk to is now getting mad at me as well because I try to talk to my friend in private, and they both get mad at me even though they see eachother every day and I have to listen to them talking about sex all the goddamn time. It doesn't help that I myself am single and don't find anyone in my town particuarly attractive, and anyone who I have found attractive at sometime or another has used and manipulated me and back when my freinds were there for me they never told me how to handle it, or at least how I told them since I'd be the one that they came to for advice. Also anyone who has ever liked me in that way either lives in what should be considered a different country or two hours away, which is hard because my best friends are calling me an idiot yet I try to explain to them that I want a relationship, not a pen pal as it were since I don't have the money to travel to go see them it'd be them having to come see me which is against my morals of letting women spend money on me, It just doesn't feel right to me and so my friends also have a go at me for that because I apparently bring the group down because I still hate the world for what it's done to me and that I feel depressed because I'm lonely and angry at my friends because they're not sympathetic towards that as I have found out recently I get fiercely jealous of people.

Not only that, my I have recently lost my grandmother who I was very close to, and I suppose I've never really properly mourned over her but I just feel that it's not the right time to do anything like that, as at the time she passed away I was applying to go to college in the next big town over and I got asked back for a second interview but I had to do some more work to show that I would be capable of taking the course, but I couldn't bring myself to draw to get this work done and so ended up just playing Minecraft Technic for an entire week. I suppose it never really hit me until I was moved into the spare bedroom so that my Irish relatives had a decent ammount of space to stay in that she was gone, and that just made it even harder for me to get this work completed, I also think that somewhere I must've made up my mind that I didn't want to go to college for another two years but that stirs up more problems with my parents. They don't demand that I pay rent as my dad has a high paying job for the government and that my disability living allowance generally covers my living costs anyway, but they want me to have a job so that I'm not just doing nothing which is understandable but my parents don't seem to understand that getting a real first job isn't easy, especially in what I would consider a small town (Around 22k people I checked.)

Employers here want past experience, which already puts me out of the running for a job and it just becomes a never ending cycle because, I can't work because I don't have experience, and I don't get the experience because no one will employ me. I'm hoping to work for the same place as my father but they seem to be screwing around with getting back to me, I got an e-mail from them the other week basically saying, We either haven't processed your application or we're considering you for another job. Which to me means we've done nothing.

I also have to move house soon, due to a new development going in next door which means that we become overlooked, with a road going down the side of our house and then having that lead to around 20 odd houses that will not be privately owned and if you live in England you would understand what problems that would cause. So my parents don't want that which will then force me to deal with a massive change for me since I've lived in this house my whole life and within walking distance not that the term means much to me of where me and my friends have spent our time together other the years and I enjoy the walk, takes me about half an hour gives me time to clear my head and such from either my parents or my friends doing stupid crap and not understanding that they've overstepped the line of what I find tolerable at times.

Sorry to hear that, but I mean if your friends are still friends with you-- isn't that good? I don't fully understand your relationship with them and it sounds deep enough that a single post is not going to fit all of the finer points of that relationship.

When people are in relationships--one of the things they may look for if they're not casual is something long term. To be honest even if me and my friend had a private conversation, unless it was life altering, chances are my girlfriend would hear it.

As far as hugging.. i'm not affectionate at all, I try to be with my gf because she likes it--but we're serious enough that we want to get married, therefore I make compromises with her. I LIKE hugging, but everytime someone leaves i'm not going to just because I am not the type.

If i'm understanding right, you feel they're not sympathetic towards you with your jealousy?

Are you jealous because they have girlfriends or jealous because they aren't spending as much time with you?

Whats attractiveness to you? Is it really you find no one in your town attractive or fun to hang with/date? Is it a small town?

P.S. That said.. I had a long distance relationship and let me tell you, it took forever to see each other because I refused to let my girlfriend spend money on me. It was NOT worth it, I'd drop the habit entirely.. its not as moralistic as it is chivalrous and to be honest, women are equals--if they want to come see you, don't deny them. Even it out, by spending your money and taking them out to dinner--or pay half and half. Life is too short to miss an opportunity because of that.

Sweet Pea hugs

I'm jealous because they're all in relationships and they're happy basically, and what I mean is that me and my friends hug, bro hug kind of thing, it's just how we say hi and bye as such, thing is with one of these girls that has had interest in me was talking to some of my stoner friends and somehow let it drop that she keeps like two ounces of weed in her bedroom and that she had to get rid of it, and me being mostly straight-edge (I drink occasionally but I don't get drunk) it was a massive switch off for me and I can't talk to the other girl because well it's awkward and basically the day we met my friend was with some other girl and his girlfriend at the time were friends, and basically this girl was apparently in love with me like instantly and had confessed to me that night, and I'm just like I don't know you, I've been screwed around too much could we at least hang out more first, and then she's saying that it was a stupid idea anyway and that she was going back to boarding school in wait for it. Guernsey which I believe should be considered a completely different country, they're not joined to england in any way and they have their own government.

And yeah, it's a reletively small town and I seem to be well known for being an as*hole for some reason, and of course because of our traits I have very specific interests, and there isn't anyone else in my town that I have anything in common with, I'm a massive metalhead and so it's already a bit of a struggle as it were to find girls that I have something in common with as in my town there's no other proper big metalheads other than me and my best friends, so it's either the yobs who seriously have half a brain and listen to rap, which I can't stand or the other morons who think they listen to metal, but it's actually something that shouldn't even be signed to a record label in my opinion, let alone be created. I'm looking at you bring me the horizon. ¬_¬