This doesn't make sense to me.

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I used to know this girl. I really liked her. She kept me at arm's length but never totally dismissed me. She would often put me down, but disguise the put downs as "advice". She always would tell me how happy she was despite several tragedies in her life. She never understood why it was so hard for me. I have to admit I admired her willpower and she was always nice to everyone. She never understood why I fell for her when she clearly had no feelings for me, at least that's what she said after a while. It almost felt like she was encouraging me to go away. After she departed, I learned from someone else that she never liked me at all. And that she was working with others to get me away from her group of friends. I was angry, very angry. But more so, I was hurt. But she departed, eventually I let her fade into my subconscious.

She came roaring back, sending comments and invites to some of my friends. I wasn't around, because I had been ejected from that circle. So if she knows I'm around or not is anyone's guess. But I felt great anger when she came back. A couple nights ago, I started fantasizing about her. Sparing details, I found myself disgusted that someone who mistreated me like that was actually someone I found l my wanting to be with. Why would I want to be with someone who mistreated me?

Is this normal?

Last edited by DiscardedWhisper on 10 Oct 2012, 7:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's normal in a sense. You have no one else you are interested in at this time so it is only natural that you put your need for intimacy on someone you know or knew. It's part of the whole obsessing over potential romantic interests thing. Most guys do it, but most guys have the ability to move on because their options are rather open. If they are closed, then you will tend to put these feelings on one of the previous people you were interested in if they somehow come back into the picture.

I think it is normal if you have strong feelings for the people you like or love.

Feelings do not nessesarily change just because somebody not treats you nice. It is not logical, it just is (? have no idea how to express that). Actually I can not explain, except if you are very faithful person then strong feelings will not just go away, just because it is convinient. If those feelings just did go away I would actually consider it to be fake from the beginning (but I am exactly like that )

You like her, it don't matter how she treats you. I've been attracted to guys who have trodden all over me and threw me out but I still liked them in the past. It happens.

Awesome. I'm a pathetic supplicant to someone who not only hated me, but probably doesn't even know I'm still alive.

I'd say I couldn't feel more like s**t than I do now, but life has a way of surprising me in that arena.

Don't you just love those chain-yanks? BT,DT and it's tough. People with dysfunctional families oughta be well-versed in dealing with it but it is like a yo-yo, constantly pulling you back in, but I have to say coming here and discussing it is far better than continuing to internalize it and loop it over and over in your mind until you start doing things that give the people at the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico a new profile to work off of.

I suppose you could re-friend her then make a rap video of yourself then 'share' it.

I say all this with levity in mind

How exactly do you want to be with her? Like as in a relationship? Any good one deserves two people who respect each other.

Couldn't say whether or not its normal but its happened to me before on some level.

This girl in highschool, her and her friends were annoying and bullying me and to top it off she was ugly--just was not so ugly compared to the rest of the girls in the class. I dreamt about her once--meant absolutely nothing. Depending on age--hormones can easily cause such fantasies. Then for people with aspergers it could possibly be the idea of letting go, we wrap ourselves into how we wanted things to be way before things even get started. Then even if you find out the person was just a jackass--it still takes time to let the idea of it go.


Put downs are put downs and to be honest, her attitude seems like the one that a jerk would have. Could be because she's been through a lot, could be she's just a jackass.. but that really isn't nice at all.


But realize that she means nothing and its the idea of the person you wanted her to be that you're obsessed with.

This is a good one, you like the idea of what she once was or what she could be.

Remember there is a difference between having those feelings and acting on them. I have extremely strong feelings towards my ex. but I would never let him back into my life (if I had a chance, purly theory), it would be to much like selfharm to do a thing like that. You do have your "pride" do not do anything that is harmful to yourself.

Yeah, how silly of me. That ideal girl that would love and respect me, now there's a fantasy for the ages right. I guess this is my fault. I mean I can see her for who she is, yet I'm deluded by what I want her to be. Funny how she acts that way to people that aren't me.
Well, no one ever accused me of being charismatic and perceptive. Funny I thought I was perceptive because my aim was good, silly me.

Point being, I'm wishing for some bizarre fantasy amalgam that doesn't exist. Right?

I'd probably have a better shot with one of those then an actual person.

Not silly! just feelings. Those are not easy to control