My intelligence is becoming a danger to myself

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They say that ignorance is bliss, and I am sure as hell not ignorant. At school today I kept thinking again and again about how true love doesn't exist, humans are built for wanting benefit which is why Communism doesn't work. I would need to find another girl with aspergers if I ever hope to find someone similar to me, I find neurotypicals to be some of the most disgusting and discriminating people on earth except for a smaller minority. I have read the manifestos of some mass murderers and I realize they are intelligent, similar to me in a way. They can't just be insane, these guys are smart. So they realized something about life that left them broken, depressed, angry, and wanting revenge at life. Or some people were constantly bullying them into realizing this sad truth of life that I feel so close to realizing. These guys weren't insane, they were smart guys and SOMETHING made that intelligence realize a fact that hurt them badly. I have realized many things, and every time I feel closer to some sort of dangerous truth that might be utterly heart-breaking for all who hear it. I feel so stressed right now from school, I can't control it. I was so happy during spring break and then all this stress packs right back onto me, it's a burden wherever I go. I wonder what I'm ever going to do in life, I am gifted but not accepted for it. I have a combination of genetic gifts that many people would kill for. I wonder if I have a mental condition or what, but I am simply extremely stressed by school. I am too smart to trick myself into bliss, I can't even make myself smile when I'm not happy, and I have almost forgotten how to properly smile. Whenever I try to smile, I do some sort of clumsy attempt that makes me embarrassed. I keep seeing more truths, the governments corruption, the world we are soon to fall into, the attempts at martial law, Obama possibly becoming a dictator, the fact that I will probably never succeed even with these gifts to help me. Sometimes I want to end it all, I feel like my whole family sees me as some sort of lesser being because of my bad social skills and anger problems. Do they just call me smart because I am interested in things about science but really don't know too much? I know I have far higher than average intelligence, I have both scientific intelligence and what I call philosophical intelligence. Philosophical intelligence is the ability to make philisophies on life and see human nature, knowing and understanding equality and more. I can barely take it anymore, I need somebody who sees me for who I am and can talk to me in a way that they understand. All the neurotypicals say I am in some sort of fantasy world and have spaced myself away from reality just because they know I have aspergers and because of my highly unusual interests. What do I do about this? I am too stressed to even choose a video game to play anymore.

I don't know about your scientific or philosophical intelligence, and I doubt Obama will become a dictator, but you sure are a pretty good writer. I don't say this too often but it's refreshing to read a post where grammar, spelling and syntax are in place. Maybe you could start your own blog and vent your frustrations about the world. Who knows? Maybe you could turn it into a book someday. Just saying.

Intelligence and insanity are not mutually exclusive. Serial killers can certainly be very smart and very crazy at the same time. Many of them are.

I would honestly suggest that you try and realize that we change all through our lives. What we think and feel at 15 is not usually what we think and feel at 20. I would try talking to a therapist about your feelings, especially your anger issues. My 18yo has anger issues and it's not pleasant. It's best to get them under control if you can, and his ADHD meds help his a good bit. He says he feels much better when he's on them.

I also want to say that no matter how hopeless you feel right now, and how superior to the rest of the world you feel right now, you won't always feel that way. You will feel better, and as you get older you will start to see things in a different light. Some things just aren't apparent until you are older. I realize that your feelings are strong and are very real, but I also know that they will pass and things will get better. There are times when it will get worse too, I won't lie to you, but overall, in my experience, life gets better as you grow up.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

You are undoubtedly very intelligent, that is for sure.

But that doesn't mean that a psychopathic response is the only 'rational' way to respond to the stressors of life, or the state we find ourselves in. And Arguably, it is those who respond destructively, as isolated individuals, who have had the least effect on the world or its history. Or the most quickly passing effect.

Couldn't doing the hard work, of being one more participant in making the world a better place, also be a rational response to a messed-up world?

You do not have to be a danger to yourself and others. Ask yourself whether that would truly make any difference.
Think of it this way: We've tried the destructive road. And what good did it do, except to perpetuate the same misery that we're so upset about?
On the other hand, there is significance in life; not in the broad, sweeping things that people try to do, but in small acts of caring for one another personally.
And I for one like to think that doing good is the most rational response of all. It flies in the face of everything that is wrong with the world. It's the loudest, most stubborn protest you can make.

http://youtu.be/fu0scA8kqHQ?t=3m30s

you may be smart, yet you seem uneducated or possibly paranoid due to your political delusions.

Try to find your inner peace. The answers to many hypothetical questions don't matter. Maybe "true love" isn't what it is commonly believed to be, but the feelings within others are as real as the feelings within yourself. The true significance of these feelings can be completely explained by directly experiencing them. Cognition will only skew your perspective of them. There are many unpleasant truths in the world, but you don't have to always dwell on them just because you acknowledge them. If you can find joy in your own life, don't let the state of the world get you down. Despite all the things that are wrong with the world, many people still have happiness in their lives. That definitely counts for something. Contribute to improving the state of the world by doing good to others if possible, but don't be disappointed that you can never even come slightly close to fixing everything. If you can change the life of just one person for the better, you've made all the difference in their own world.

Maybe you are overthinking it and need to not worry so much. It can be easier said than done sometimes that is very true.

I did find college much better than high school since college students are often more serious about school and they become more interested in philosophy and the world around them. Hang in there and remember it is ok to have fun and play video games once in awhile or do other hobbies that take your mind off these stressors.