Six years to go..

Post Reply New Topic

--------The more and more I think about this upcoming enlistment (no prior service) in the Air Force, the less and less it makes sense. I'm about to go through a six year tightrope act it seems. I will have to avoid making any mention of being depressed (I almost always am) or anything about having Asperger's (I do). Anything, and I mean anything, that makes them suspicious.. well they can just go through a detailed search of my medical records and find the golden key to ending my enlistment, with possibly severe consequences to my future. I will have to contain myself and my emotions even when I feel that I can't go on without help from someone for six years.

Naturally the first idea that may come into your head: "you still have time to get out before you officially swear in". This is true, but listen. I have nothing for me. I have no money, no job, no connections, or prospects of surviving without entering the Air Force. This is my last chance at living for at least six years. As much as you may feel the desire to tell me to put my head on straight, it is on straight. To tell me to back out of this is directly telling me to end my life. You may think that's a dramatic thing to say, but it's true and would appreciate if you do not doubt it. I can either walk a six year high-risk tightrope or I will die. Sadly, they aren't mutually exclusive until my enlistment ends.

Strangely enough, I am at peace with the fact I can risk tarnishing my name and reputation by knowingly entering with an Asperger's diagnosis in return for a fair chance at making a life for myself. It frightens me, but it is necessary.

What I am dreadfully afraid of is my lack of ability to drive. I have anxiety issues when I get behind the wheel of a vehicle. I don't have a license and I don't intend on getting one. I took lessons from my uncle and I almost flipped out. I sincerely hate the feeling of moving faster than the human body can naturally do on its own in a metal prison of sorts. I feel out of control when I'm supposed to be in control of the vehicle.

Because of this, it will severely diminish my chances of lasting six years.

How will I get to and from my place of living on or off base, my place of work on base, the grocery exchange on base, any social events, etc? How can I have any kind of decent-at-best six years when I'll be depending on others for a ride? How can I hold my head high when I have to tell people I don't have a vehicle and can't tell anyone why without risking the Air Force nosing around for any records with my name?

I know I can live in a place with a good city transportation network and make do with that after I get out of the Air Force.

But these next six years... It may seem silly to be fretting over this so much to the point of feeling sick and depressed (I truly am fretting to the point of feeling sick and depressed) but this is what my mind gets so worked up on. The little details. I'm not afraid of the risk I'm taking as much as I'm worried about being able to live, show up for duty on time, and socialize in the Air Force without a vehicle and a mental barrier blocking me from ever operating one...

Thank you for reading this, if you can think of -anything- at all that could help, please do so.

PS: Do you have to have a driver's license to drive a golf cart, gator, mule, etc.? A bicycle is for all intents and purposes out of the question due to issues with balance though I probably will attempt to self-teach myself one of these days. What I'm really trying to find is an immediate stopgap (if not altogether fix) for my isssue...

Not as hard as you might think.

There are checklists for everything, and everybody wears their name on their uniform.

In fact you will find that you might be the only one who can follow even the simplest of instructions. NTs can be quite dumb.

The only thing you have to worry about is being taken the wrong way, especially in boot camp. Everything is geared towards brainwashing the NTs. You, on the other hand, have a reason to be there. You want a career, something to do. So all that "break you down" crap is going to seem dumb. But be careful if you don't show fear, because they will notice that and "work on you" thinking you are a troublemaker or a misfit (just like the schoolyard).

Just think "gray man" in basic training. Don't make waves, don't stand out, make sure your stuff is straight to the letter per the instructions, keep your stuff secure, and don't look them in the eye - oh that last part is easy. Whatever you do, don't take the "latrine queen" job. Everybody gets a chore in basic training. The best you can get is laundry detail: you practically work alone in that one.

Did you select a career yet? If you select flightline, expect to be deployed a lot. Those suck - major routine upset. BUt if you get into a specialty that's complicated and does not move around much, you master the tasks and keep the sarge happy then even a military setting will accept your quirks. Stay away from security police and whopper flopper fields - they are full of ate up rejects and they are the most NT. In the electronics field you will be able to make a Star Trek of Babylon 5 reference and almost everybody will know what you mean without having to ask. That's just an example. Crew chiefs tend to be the "Ah luvs mah NASCAR" type. I think the field that would most suit someone with AS would be electronics. It's very logical.


Tech school will be one long routine. Fall in properly and don't let anyone play jokes on you and you will get top grades. The tests are all multiple choice.

Active service can suck or be a breeze depending on the job. If you don't go into electronics, then at least try to get into administrative or something like that. I remember in my experience deployments, even to nice places, sucked because of the break in routine and because everybody around you gets stupid. Too much hurry up and wait.

If you are afraid of driving, but you have a task that requires it, then that's good: you will be the only one who is truly careful. I have seen aircraft hit by trucks. They will teach you how to drive and they will do it in a very by-the-book manner. There's nothing to worry about.

I certainly don't begrudge you for feeling you have to make this decision, you have nothing to lose and everything to lose at the same time.

As far as the driving issue, the California Vehicle Code states that members of the military are exempt from licensing requirements though I believe that to mean only while carrying out your duties. I have a M2 license myself which limits me to 2-and 3-wheeled motorcycles of a certain displacement, it is sort of a special license for people with certain disabilities. Why I bring this up is that there are more 3-wheeled scooters appearing on the market, and a cheap Chinese 2-wheeled one can be easily converted so balancing would be a non-issue, so getting yourself around is doable more easily in this way than a golf cart or UTV, though PP mentioned the Service having very patient driving teachers.

I hope it goes well for you and that you have a plan for what to do after the term is up or if you get an early medical discharge. Best of fortunes to you

From what they've said, it looks like you might have a shot. Personally, I'm against it though. I can understand feeling like you have no other options, but at the very least I'd try and search in these last few moments.

War is War.

That much will never change. Whether or not you're ne t to them or not, War is a place of death. I'd recommend staying away from it. The truth is, my Dad was actually in the Vietnam war, and my mom recently divorced from issues tied to the post-tramautic stress. No matter how much it pays, other options won't come with the emotional scarring of war. Take what time you have left to search. Personally, I'm going to be a novelist.

War never changes.

Remember that well.

I'm going in as Open-Mechanical but once I get down to basic, all recruits have a chance to talk to a counselor about if they feel the job they received is good for them. I'm hoping to be able to point to my ASVAB scores in order to possibly get a medical job such as Diagnostic Imaging Specialist or Surgical Services Specialist or even a lab tech job - I want something that is instantly transferable to civilian world in a field that will be necessary in the years to come.

That said I do know that I can't receive what I want if it doesn't line up with the Air Force's goals. If that happens, my uncle just said "Think of it as an opportunity for a free education regardless if you get stuck with a mechanical job or some piece of crap job."

@Administrative: I talked to a Marine who was in an Admin job once and he said it's incredibly awful. He found it boring, too much office politics, and seedy people were abundant.

The closest I would even come to war would be is if I get a blood-n-guts medical job. Which could happen. Also the Air Force isn't exactly known for frontline, risky missions unless you're SpecForces or -maybe- deployment-centered Security Forces.

And to be honest, I'm so emotionally scarred from my past, that although without going through what you describe (so I wouldn't know unless I was in the situation) I can't say it's a worry of mine,

I don't know if I could live that down having a special license. My plan is to be as low-key as possible so I can't imagine having a disability license would accomplish that.

You'll be the next Radar O'Reilly.

I can't help but think that sounds like a terrible idea....based on what you've posted. It's up to you though, but if you already think you wouldn't be able to handle it I don't think its exactly going to help your mental health.

Shame. I always related to Winchester the most and admired Hawkeye.

It's basically a three-choice situation:

-Take my chances in the Air Force.
-Take my chances being homeless (will never do that again).
-Take my chances in (if there is one) the afterlife.

And the third is only a tap-out for when life is absolutely pointless and dead-end filled. As I still have at least one potentially positive option, that is not an option.

Well I suppose I can understand feeling like you don't have many options. I mean I am getting down to pretty few options as well. It just seems like this particular choice might lead to a another option....taking your chances at insanity. I mean if you do that knowing your likely not to handle it well what do you think happens if you can't handle it well aside from potential death? But do what you have to do, and maybe to you its worth the risk. I thought running away to college was my only option at one point, I had to just control the issues I had and and do it, well that didn't work out so well. That is certainly something entirely different but it was basically the same idea of just exerting mental contol over all the issues I had to get that damn degree because it was the only choice or so it seemed, well supressing things like that will bite you in the ass eventually. At least in my experience, or it will at least cause a lot of changes in perception you could become someone you don't even know if that makes any sense.

I mean maybe I am wrong but it seems you're putting your sanity on the table as a gambling chip in an attempt to do something for yourself...and you're more or less aware of it. It remains entirely your choice but from my perspective it could either work out or totally backfire so I hope you've considered both outcomes.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Unit ... _Air_Force

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Air_Force

These may not make you feel better, but...

I am not amused but thanks for the effort.

Ugh. I'm thinking again.

I know I said I have no other options and really nothing to lose if I'm caught.

But should I enter the service without a word?

Should I talk to my recruiter?

I'm afraid to talk to him because that might rob me of my last chance before I even get it.

I'm at a loss.

In the words of Admiral Farraugt USN:

Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead.