I am way too irresponsible with money.

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I have a few harmful addictions going for me. Most of them are now in remission. But there is one, the addiction that I had since second or third grade, that keeps popping itself up in my life - compulsive borrowing and spending money.

I have over $35,000 in credit card debts (that I racked up in under one year), and I have not made a payment on that in over three years. I do not have enough money to take care of my basic needs (which includes treatment for my addictions at this point in my life, rent, bills, food), and my parents send me some financial support, yet I still find myself spending about $300-400 a month on things I do not need (which are games, comic books, coffee at Starbucks, iTunes purchases, etc). I have not been going to my treatment sessions every week because I compulsively spend the money long before I get there.

I know what to do, and I know I am horribly irresponsible. Too often, I have no willpower whatsoever when there is a $20 bill in my wallet. I often cry when returning home after I spend way more than I intend to at the bookstore or at GameStop. I own over 200 video games, and I have not even started to play most of them. Just like I own over 1,000 DVDs, and a third of them are still in the cellophane wrapping. The act of spending and acquiring is the addiction in itself for me.

This has to stop, I know it. I am at a loss. I have lived like this for the last 25 years. Even when I was in elementary school, my mother was mocking me for my seeming inability to save money. Then my stepfather started to tell me that I was incredibly stupid and worthless whenever I spent my allowance on things he thought were a waste of money (this started in middle school). I never learned how to properly handle money at any point in my life, because everybody was too busy with making sure that I felt ashamed instead.

I am in my early '30s, and SSDI is my primary source of income. I need to deal with this issue. I need to be honest, and I need to face it. I cannot sweep anything under the rug that has been causing me grief, no matter how embarrassing it may be, and this is one of those things that needs to be dealt with right now.

So, has anybody else here had experiences with this issue?

I tried looking up Debtors Anonymous meetings, but that is pretty much dead in my part of the USA..... Ack.

declare bankruptcy and cut up your credit cards

The credit cards were cut up about four or five years ago. I made payments on them for two years, then I lost my steady PT job, and I no longer had the $800 a month I was spending on trying to get them completely paid off. Now, with interest, the debts are worth more than I ever imagined they could be.

I looked into bankruptcy a couple of years ago, and the lawyers told me that there was no point in me going after that - my only official source of income is SSDI, so according to them, that classified me as "judgment-proof".

Holy Majovias! That made me say a made up word!

Ouch, that totally sucks by the way... Hmmm, maybe you should consider your expenditures and focus on how you can cut them down or possibly try to gain an understanding of how budgeting works.

I understand your feelings that shopping is compulsive and that you know you don't need these material things, but buying them anyway.

I did not know what "judgement proof" meant in your response. I looked it up online, and it seems to mean that if SSI is your only source of income, the creditors for your credit cards essentially cannot take that income away from you. If you don't have a house or a boat or something they can take, they might give up and stop trying to collect from you. I think it would be worth discussing with someone at your county office for services for people with disabilities because they might know what to do, 1. to get your debt discharged due to your disabilities and 2. where to get you help for your addiction to spending.


Being honest about it to yourself and others is a good first step.

Yeah, I know that a lot of it started when I was a young child. I was bullied nonstop at school, and I was bullied nonstop by my family, so I figured all that I really had to look forward to was the latest album I've been looking forward to, or the next comic book purchase. When my income grew, so did the size of my purchases.

I keep telling myself - no more games until I beat the ones I already own. No more comics until I read the ones I already own. No more music until I listen to everything I already own. No more movies until I watch what I already own. Then I find another outlet with my spending every time after I make an ultimatum with myself like that.

I am sick of this. I really am. I do not want to live like this any longer. I know there is a way out. What that way out is, I wish I knew the easy way, but there probably is no easy way.