Often, I imagine myself looking morbidly pale calling the ones I long for, master despite that I am a guy who prefers women. This dream me is often trembling for their love and collapsing, even looking like a doll dressed in butler uniform but the eyes look like something depressing you would see in an anime, I hope the person likes the food, but there is sad child-like instruemental music in the background. This has been with me to some degree for years.