Self harm and Depression *trigger warning*

Post Reply New Topic

Just sort of feeling kind of lonely and down.

Wondering if there are other folks on who have a history of self harming, and the reasons they do it. I do it sometimes as a means of expression, sometimes just because my skin looks...wrong...unmarked....sometimes because the pain delivers an endorphin hit, and sometimes just because (for reasons I don't understand) I find the colour and especially the scent and taste of blood to be very comforting and soothing.

Happy to remove this if it's inappropriate or anything, don't want to disturb anyone.

I've just added a trigger warning to the title, but other than that's it fine. - Moderator

I self harm when I'm depressed. I sometimes think it's a self destruct feature that is triggered when you can't function anymore. For me it's an expression of anger and frustration with myself. I hate having the scars that I do. I wish there was a way to get rid of them. You'd think that would be enough to stop me from even considering harming myself, but when I feel that way I am not rational.

I have a history of self-harming, mainly by cutting and burning, but also by scratching, biting, head-banging and self-hitting, among other things.

I do it when I feel more depressed than usual, when i'm anxious, when I feel like i've done something wrong, when unexpected things happen, if I speak too much or feel like i've imposed myself on others, when people have been shouting, when i've been bullied, picked on or had an argument, when I have sensory overload, and when i'm having negative thoughts about myself, or thoughts about hurting or killing myself.

I do it to punish myself, to comfort myself, to make the outside of my body match what goes on inside my head, to release stress and bad feelings, to have control over something, to see, taste and smell the blood, to make myself feel, to try to make myself seem real, to get through the day and keep on living.

I'm sorry to hear that you have felt the need to self-harm, please just remember that you are not alone.