So confused

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I try to pride myself on the ability to live by and thrive with my differences... I also am confused about whether or not I actually want a partner too.
I try to be open minded, and independent minded within... always able to cope with tests with my own self... I want to always feel happy with my own company; it confuses me when I have phazes when I don't feel happy with my own company... it feels like a nuisance that my natural urges happen, such as when I feel down due to the fact that I struggle with friends and don't have a girlfriend, when I think to myself that logically why should it matter? I have my own self and my own mind and my own music.
Something always brings me back round to feeling as though I want friends and a girlfriend... which confuses me; when I feel like this, it's as though I've reached a crossroads and have no idea what to do next... I don't want to feel like I'm at the hands of something that isn't directly me.
They say one shouldn't feel as though they "need" sources from without, rather than within, but what do I do when my body really is telling me that I need these sources?
I'm getting very fed up with my indecisive emotions that keep interfering with my sense of self control.

oh I know what you mean. every few months or so I get into what I deem a version of the Vulcan Pon Farr XD

takes a ton of self control to not become a raging sex seeker. And so far never have lost that control.

Outside of thos like 3 days every now and then, I really don't think anything at all of the opposite sex.

Have you ever tried living with let say a roommate? I could help tell you if you could deal with the headaches of a partner.