I'm happy for him--really. But sad for me.

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It looks like our son is finally about to start pre-school and the "Daddy Day Care" can finally reduce its hours. My husband is understandably ecstatic after 4 years of nothing but kid all day long. He talks about all the things he's going to be able to do, like play golf and repaint the living room. He's going to have a little freedom, solitude and breathing room. That is wonderful. I'm really glad for him.

But I sometimes wish he'd shut the F**K up about it. Absolutely nothing is going to change for me. I will still have to get up at 5 a. m., go to the same boring job I've had for 15 years, come home to a house full of noisy kid, growling TV, rackety dogs and rambling husband. He's going to tell me all about the wonderful time he had playing golf or sleeping in or accomplishing things around the house, and I will have to smile and not think about how I wish I could sleep late, have peace and quiet, go places besides the same old rutted track between work and home.

My son is going to be getting the help he needs, and doing interesting new things. He liked going to the regular preschool he went to before, and his teacher was great. They just weren't set up to handle a kid like him, and it wasn't therapeutic so insurance didn't cover it. He really needs this school, for more than just childcare.

I can't talk to my husband because he gets upset and thinks I'm trying to rain on his parade. I don't want to spoil his joy, because if I were in his shoes, I'd be really happy too. I'm really grateful to him for making the sacrifice of all this time and effort and love for our son, but it's not like I had much of a choice in the matter. If I could have done it, I would have. But somebody has to pay the bills for all this, and since I'm the one with the "good" job, it had to be me. If I had quit to stay at home, we'd have no home to stay in. We live in a two-bedroom, one bathroom house in a sketchy neighborhood and have only one running car, btw, so it's not like I'm trying to live beyond our means.

I am getting very tired and there's no end in sight. I won't get to rest until I drop dead. May that day come soon! Maranatha! Come and get me, Lord! please....

Why is your husband not working? If your child doesn't need care anymore, maybe your husband should look to pick up a part time job.

If he's been caring for your son non-stop for 4 years, I think it's understandable he might want a little time off. There are no vacation days from child care, but this shouldn't be forever. Maybe a week. In his new freedom, he should be helping out the family.

If he's staying home, he should be cooking, cleaning, and running the house.

I think he has some sort of personality disorder. He's quit more jobs in the past 10 years than I've had in my whole life.

The teaching thing didn't work out because of the toxic culture in American public schools. Various restaurant jobs didn't work out because of conflicts with coworkers/bosses over weird things that I don't understand, like he thinks he's been harrassed but can't prove anything. He tried driving a cab for a while, but had the same issues--and he acted surprised. Did he think that cab drivers do it because they like it? He worked in a theater as a stagehand for a couple of years on an as-needed basis and one of his oldest friends was his supervisor. He started having weird ideas that his friend was sabotaging his car and harrassing him. And he says he's the steady, stable one in the family.

He has a Bachelors degree in English, a Masters degree in Secondary Education and an Associates degree in Paralegal, but works part-time delivering takeout.

Our son just turned 4 and has PDD-NOS. He's an all-day every-day job, so our house is in ruins. I didn't think there was anything wrong with him for a while because he's almost just like I was as a child except for the hyperactivity.

Never mind. Forget I said anything. Happiness is a choice, not a feeling.

He needs to stop rubbing it in. Also, how is he going to pay for all these new leisure activities? I hope he's not expecting you to pony up for it! I'm dealing with a husband who doesn't seem to want to work right now either, and so you have my total sympathy. He can find his ass something to do. Hell, both of them can! Point out to him that while he has time for all these wonderful new fun things, it's a damn shame he isn't going to be able to do them because he's going to be at work.

If those idiots who wrote "Cleaving" (what were their names? Dennis and somebody who were deacons at First Baptist on Southside and she wrote about her affair and abortion and then they investigated the snake handlers on sand mountain) can keep jobs at UAB, then it's obvious they don't discriminate about personality disorders.

Melissa took the pictures for their snake handler book. She took pictures at my third baby's birth too. She's real nice. If nothing else, maybe he can get a job at that Naturopathic corrospondance school over there by the fountain. He doesn't have to interact with anybody working there. Ask Joey at Golden Temple about the place. Hell, ask Joey about a job for your husband there! Golden Temple is personality disorder central. I should know, I worked there for a year or two.

Send him out to Labor FInders or something. But do NOT put up with this behavior or he will never change. I've had mine for 25 years and if I had put my foot down at first, I don't think he would have gotten this bad.

Good luck, and I'm here for you if you want to talk or come over. I get my phone minutes tomorrow, and if you want, I'll PM you my number and I'll be happy to listen and commiserate and we can put our heads together to find him something.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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