What is the point!!

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How come life is so cruel I really do not see what my point in living is! I have school which upsets me, life long friends who abandon me, unbelievable stress due to school and people and parents and the horrors of life. I never have more than ONE DAY without crying at least once. I hate the stupid interests I have to have they make me happy for a short while and then they turn around laugh in my face and go off to do their own thing. I make myself do things I don't want to do in order to find some kind of pleasure. I hate being tied to a life that never makes me happy, I hate that my mum won't even let y try taking anti-depressants. I hate that I don't enjoy barely anything and then when I do it's only for a little while before its wenches away again and I have nothing to do but sit in silence and mourn what I once had. I used to have some form of religion and I left it now- partly through a very cruel, faint interest that desperately wants me to let it go but I'm clinging because I NEED it- I am finding myself going back because ill try anything at all just to he happy as a normal human. I want to be like the rest I want my mum to be able to uphold her threat of 'well I'm not giving you a lift anywhere' because I am able to go out with friends every weekend and I can do things without her help. I wish I was able to go off into the world and go to any university anyplace! I want to be able to go to Africa- which I can't because of stupid bl***y allergies. I want to know I'm not going to be desperatly ill and survive! I didn't even care last year when I knew I was dying, I don't even care now.I know how easy it would be to find a bunch of tablets late at night and drift off to never wake up again all that holds me back is that I HATE to make people cry and I don't want to think about what that would do to my family. Last time I felt this bad I never got as far as actually, mentally writing my suciide note but now I'm just so awful feeling. It's been a very hard time to get through, the past five years have been hell!!
Is there really a way to have depression in and off, to feel so unwanted and so useless and come out feeling ok, be able to feel truly 100% happy again? Because if there isn't then really what is the point!?

Why won't your mom let you try anti-depressants?Maybe if your doctor talked to her about the benefits.They don't take all the depression away,but it's manageable.And now I do have some good days,I think I appreciate them more now.When I feel at my worst I wonder why bother with anything,you just die in the end anyhow.But on good days I enjoy being outside enjoying nature,I've yet to have a tree pick on me or make me feel bad about myself.
Maybe there are allergy treatments that may help or lessen your allergies so you could have Africa to look forward to.I hope things get better for you.

Please can you elaborate upon some of the things.

1. Have you seen any mental health services, and if not, I strongly advise you to do so.
I don't know if you're from the US or UK, but in the UK, people aged 16 and over can usually refer themselves to a medical service without parental permission.

2. Why does your mum not allow you to take antidepressants?

3. Have you felt like this for a long time, or is this quite recent?

4. You mentioned allergies, again, are you recieving medical treatment for this.

I've been through some pretty awful things, and I'd be glad to help if I can. Please assure me you will not attempt suicide, as I nearly did, and I hope that you find a solution to this complicated series of problems.

Answer to your questions:
1/ yes for the past six years or more- I've slowly felt worse about myself and life as time goes on. I don't really feel like my psychologist has actually made any real differences at all.
2/my mum says after I was given medication to control my behaviour when I was eight or nine she would never do that again- she says they made me flat and not like me but they weren't anti-depressants and I don't see how she is so against them.
3/ this is the first te I've felt so bad twice in one year, both because of huge life-altering problems I have no way to deal without like I say I've for slowly word since leaving primary school.
4/ I have an anyfalactic allergy to venom so will never be allowed to travel to any third world country- oh that'd be the only ones I ever thought of going to then- I've got fourteen 'problems' mixed medical, developmental and other stuff, evetytwo years at least I've had a new diagnosis, honestly feel like I'm being punished for something!

Depression is hell. I'm sorry you are going through what I did at thirteen. My allergies would not let me be an exchange student etc. At that time there were no good treatments for depression and I never thought to take any. I did not try antidepressants until my mid forties. I am happy with the results even though it can be rough going through the initial getting used to the medication.
I can understand your mom's concerns. I wish she could talk to a psychiatrist and find out which drugs would not leave you "flat" and how it can take up to six weeks to see a positive result to any of the drugs.
Hang in there, Honey. Your body might decide it's time to upcycle to normal any day now if you have the same kind of recurring depression I had.