This party last night....

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made me so depressed...........how can anyone feel comfortable at a party? Just don't understand it. I tried talking to people here and there but all that came out of my mouth sounded goofy.

Its then in that moment like the constant shadow of gloom is over me that I am not myself I don't know where I am, Who the hell am I. Its in that moment that I keep thinking of high school and how I never graduated emotionally. I got so stuck in my head that making connections with anybody was impossible last night and I feel like s**t.

Part of me knows that parties aren't for me I'm just not comfortable around random people I don't know. Hell a lot of people there I already knew as acquaintances from school and but I just couldn't come up with anything.......

Another part of me thinks I haven't gotten to that stage yet and I just need to go through something and maybe one day mature a bit and then I might get there eventually, but what? What can I do?

Everytime I am in an astmosphere like that I just get stuck in my head thinking about how I'v never had a girlfriend before. I have never had a life. I always thought that I would mature and just get there. I've said this countless times before but high school was a waste.......my first years of college were a waste. I feel like I put myself out there sometimes and Im just clueless on how to get there and then i feel discouraged.

Had I gone through "somewhat" of a normal childhood, maybe things would be different now. But I just cant stop thinking I am 25 years old what f**k??? I feel like an alien so out of place. Nothing feels real. Everything feels wtf. I just can't explain this. When I try to step outside my comfort zone I just can't........I put myself there but I just wasn't feeling into it. Maybe I was just tired that day. I am always tired and always fatigued and I never sleep soundly.

I just keep thinking there has to be a way out of this............

I am on antidepressents btw and I have tried talking to counselors before, but even Its hard to really get my emotions out.

IMO, anti-depressents don't work well when there is a specific problem. You need like anti-anxiety meds or something.