no one around

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so when i have bad days i just have them, you know? unstable. meltdowny. sure, im in treatment. psych, indv, group, the whole nine yards.

but no one is around. when i 'feel' upset or unsettled. when the drugs dont work as well. when i come home. and usually it is a comfort. coming home to my flat just the way that i left it. some days i am okay.

but others, no one is around. i think about a friend or four that i may have out there somewhere. close. but when we have talked in the past, they dont know how to help. how to just be there. like a piece of familiar furniture.

the psych gives you drugs and then says 'see you in three weeks.' youd never give a friend a hit of acid that lasts three weeks and then say 'see you later dude.' and that as*hole goes home to his gd wife and kids to have his little typical worries that he isnt making a difference and whether or not his dad is proud of him.

and no one is around. no one. to tell that i do not feel well. and im not telling you so you can solve it! im telling you because...because...because i dont know what will happen if i dont.

Hello muff,

Hope you are feeling better by the time you read this.

Am having a similar kind of night, main difference being I'm wondering about a certain friend of mine who keeps putting me off ever since a phone call about a month ago ... Her excuses seem legitimate ... then again, I used to have a different friend who would make sure to talk to me no matter what was going on unless there was an absolute and understandable emergency. I lost this best friend who was always there for me when she finally died of heart disease earlier this year.

So basically, I waited all day to call my friend who said to call her tonight, then got an email saying please not to call tonight, with a reason why.

Plus, my apartment is messy, and some strangers knocked on the door tonight. I asked who it was and couldn't really hear the answer ... Finally they said they were the army ! !! I tried talking to them through the closed door but didn't want to open the door for them. Maybe they were collecting for a charity, but nowadays it's not safe to open the door for people you don't know.

Anyways, muff ... you're not alone ... at least on this forum, I'm here, and understand (though of course our situations are each unique since we're unique individuals. And you are welcome to send me a message if you like.

.....

(sorry, double post)

I always had this problem with therapy and counsellors: they're so detached. They're never intended to be a substitute for people who actually care. They're bound by rules to stop them getting too involved, or involved in the wrong way, with their clients/patients, and one of those is limiting the time they are available to help to strictly specified periods.

Although I suppose there are 24 hour services available for crises, should it come to that. And there are 24 hour helplines, if you just need to talk to someone sympathetic. Depends on how useful you find professional help.

Do you need to speak to your psych about a better drug schedule, maybe? If the current one isn't working.

I feel unsettled and less safe alone. Pets help. Sometimes just the TV or Internet helps. There's usually someone on Instant Messenger or on a forum to talk to. Not always the right person, but just a remindeder that other people are around and to get you out of your own head a bit.

Hope you're feeling a bit better now.