Loved and lost

Post Reply New Topic

I really like a guy. Main reasons were that he was there for me when I needed someone with out me asking.. It was surprising that he offered to be there. He was there when nobody else had time for me.
So I asked him out. He refused saying doesn't want to take anyone along in his life but he still is ready to listen to me and be there for me. He was all nice about it. So I like him even more now.
But this is scary because he can go away whenever cos there is no emotional investment from his side and it is scary.
i feel lonely.. scared that I would not find anyone who I am comfortable talking with ever.
I take a lot of time to even start talking normally to people. I feel abandoned.

Does he consider himself your friend?
If he does, then there's emotional investment from his side.

This sounds very frustrating. I am sure your feelings of liking this person are real, is totally understandable given that he was so kind to you.
However, you have to listen when someone says they aren't wanting a relationship at this time. People have many reasons for saying that, but I have found that it is better to respect that boundary than spend effort wishing and hoping they will change their mind.

It is wonderful to have a friend who is supportive of you. This is a good indication that you are a person who will be able to find someone again in the future, just don't let your brain make negative thoughts about the future, which is vast and full of possibilities. It does take time to come to this level of closeness, but the wait is worthwhile.

In the meantime, take good care of yourself.

Well, even if you were in a relationship with him that still doesn't guarantee that he would never leave. And like others have said, if he's taking time out for you then he has some investment in you.

Don't think he has abandoned you. He's been there for you as a friend and it sounds like he wants to continue to be your friend, and a true close friendship is worth so much and so hard to find.

I know, it's tough when you want more and the other person doesn't return your feelings, but this man appears to like you a lot on one level and wants to be in your life. And he sounds like a decent man. He hasn't laughed at you and run away, he hasn't started a relationship he didn't want and hurt you later on.

If he wanted to run away, he would probably have done it when you were at a point you needed his help, but he stayed and helped you and asked for nothing in return - that doesn't sound like someone who is going to leave.

It really sounds to me like it is the beginning of a friendship worth treasuring. And they say that where there is one there are more - he likes you and enjoys being around you, so will others. And he didn't want a relationship because of his own issues, not because you are unlovable, so use that to keep up your hope that you can meet someone who you like who is available to be your partner.

Thanks a lot all you guys!
Well he likes to think of himself as an unemotional person. Well there is no way to find out the extent of his emotional investment in me. (he is like Dr.Cox in scrubs if you know what I mean) . We still talk normally.
He also made it clear that it is not because of me but that is the way he is anyway.
My fears stemmed from the fact that I took almost a year to start talking to him normally and then 6 more months to get in a comfort zone. It is actually a lot of time and not many people have so much time to waste. But what you people are saying is true.

This is true that he has been there for me. But since he asks nothing in return I feel uncomfortable that this is not mutual and I feel like a burden. I thought if I can get closer and be there for him as well it would be nice.

So let us see what the future has in store for me.