Rant: Maybe she mistook me for somebody else?

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icyfire4w5
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11 Nov 2012, 9:03 am

Um, I do follow several strangers' blogs... One day, I decided to give one such stranger some feedback through Formspring because I assumed that she is the type who will enjoy hearing from the readers. Since she seems so forthright in her blog, I assumed that it would be alright for me to be forthright with her. I didn't type much--I introduced myself as a stranger, told her that I appreciated most of her insights because they were clear and in-depth, but added that her online persona sometimes gave off brash and arrogant vibes. (I didn't dare to tell her that she seemed brash and arrogant online because of her writing style, not what she posted.) I assumed that if I were her, I would examine my previous blog posts to determine whether I come across as brash and arrogant to myself. If I do, I will pay extra attention to my writing style in the future so that I won't seem so brash and arrogant online. If I don't, I will just ignore whoever who called me brash and arrogant. I didn't expect her to post several paragraphs in reply to my feedback. (And she seemed angry to me.) To paraphrase her...

1. She started off saying that I must have been jealous of her popularity as a blogger. As a blogger, she can enjoy certain perks that non-bloggers don't get to enjoy.

2. She said that I must have been inferring her thoughts and emotions based on whatever she had written despite disliking her. She added that I must have been discussing my inferences with my "like-minded friends". <i>Huh???</i>

3. She said that I "bitched about her being arrogant" because I misunderstood some posts that she had written "jokingly". <i>Since when is providing feedback a form of "bitching"?</i>

4. She said that I was one of those people who "complained that she is boastful" because she frequently shared her "successes and accomplishments". <i>I do enjoy reading about people's successes because most of them have worked very hard to achieve success. Besides, I find successful people inspiring.</i>

5. She said that I stressed her out unnecessarily because I had been judging her. She added that she felt "victimized" because she didn't know why I "had to behave in this manner" when she had neither "spoken to me directly" nor "disturbed me in any way".

6. I don't even have a Facebook account, but she said that she deleted those Facebook friends whom she suspected of being rude towards her, judgmental of her and guilty of gossiping about her.

I thought that she might have mistaken me for one of her Facebook friends, what do you think?



lazamb_girl
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11 Nov 2012, 9:17 am

icyfire4w5 wrote:
Um, I do follow several strangers' blogs... One day, I decided to give one such stranger some feedback through Formspring because I assumed that she is the type who will enjoy hearing from the readers. Since she seems so forthright in her blog, I assumed that it would be alright for me to be forthright with her. I didn't type much--I introduced myself as a stranger, told her that I appreciated most of her insights because they were clear and in-depth, but added that her online persona sometimes gave off brash and arrogant vibes. (I didn't dare to tell her that she seemed brash and arrogant online because of her writing style, not what she posted.) I assumed that if I were her, I would examine my previous blog posts to determine whether I come across as brash and arrogant to myself. If I do, I will pay extra attention to my writing style in the future so that I won't seem so brash and arrogant online. If I don't, I will just ignore whoever who called me brash and arrogant. I didn't expect her to post several paragraphs in reply to my feedback. (And she seemed angry to me.) To paraphrase her...

1. She started off saying that I must have been jealous of her popularity as a blogger. As a blogger, she can enjoy certain perks that non-bloggers don't get to enjoy.

2. She said that I must have been inferring her thoughts and emotions based on whatever she had written despite disliking her. She added that I must have been discussing my inferences with my "like-minded friends". <i>Huh???</i>

3. She said that I "bitched about her being arrogant" because I misunderstood some posts that she had written "jokingly". <i>Since when is providing feedback a form of "bitching"?</i>

4. She said that I was one of those people who "complained that she is boastful" because she frequently shared her "successes and accomplishments". <i>I do enjoy reading about people's successes because most of them have worked very hard to achieve success. Besides, I find successful people inspiring.</i>

5. She said that I stressed her out unnecessarily because I had been judging her. She added that she felt "victimized" because she didn't know why I "had to behave in this manner" when she had neither "spoken to me directly" nor "disturbed me in any way".

6. I don't even have a Facebook account, but she said that she deleted those Facebook friends whom she suspected of being rude towards her, judgmental of her and guilty of gossiping about her.

I thought that she might have mistaken me for one of her Facebook friends, what do you think?


She clearly is over reacting. If she has decided to publish her thoughts on the internet she is bound to get all kinds of feedback and she must be open to it. whether they come from her Facebook friends or someone else.
From your post I understand that you were giving an earnest feedback and you also appreciated her. She cannot assume your identity and respond to previous comments she may have received/assumed to have been sent to her.


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BlueMax
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11 Nov 2012, 12:41 pm

Talk about a HUGE over-reaction - almost to the point where I don't think she's quite right in the head! For crying out loud, she ATTACKED you! Her return comments tried to put YOU on the defensive and make you back down and apologize, rather than she analyze herself.

That's just plain mean-spirited and downright psychotic.

Ignore those comments and just walk away... it's not worth engaging further and she'll start screaming obscenities at someone else.



FalsettoTesla
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11 Nov 2012, 12:43 pm

She sounds kind of unhinged. o.O



Lucywlf
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11 Nov 2012, 1:27 pm

Well, I think we now know why this person sounds arrogant. :)

Don't even bother to respond to her. Don't give her the time of day. She sounds like someone I tried joking with once, before I knew her, and whom started blaming me when she got seriously trolled by someone else entirely.

It's a good idea not to try to give constructive criticism to people you don't know. I learned that one the hard way too.



FalsettoTesla
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11 Nov 2012, 1:50 pm

Lucywlf wrote:
Well, I think we now know why this person sounds arrogant. :)

Don't even bother to respond to her. Don't give her the time of day. She sounds like someone I tried joking with once, before I knew her, and whom started blaming me when she got seriously trolled by someone else entirely.

It's a good idea not to try to give constructive criticism to people you don't know. I learned that one the hard way too.


This may be the way I give give constructive criticism, but it also seems like a bad idea to give con-crit to someone you do know, even when they ask for it. But, I find it near impossible to tell when people are being 'genuine', when they're being 'polite' etc. o.O



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11 Nov 2012, 2:10 pm

FalsettoTesla wrote:
Lucywlf wrote:
Well, I think we now know why this person sounds arrogant. :)

Don't even bother to respond to her. Don't give her the time of day. She sounds like someone I tried joking with once, before I knew her, and whom started blaming me when she got seriously trolled by someone else entirely.

It's a good idea not to try to give constructive criticism to people you don't know. I learned that one the hard way too.


This may be the way I give give constructive criticism, but it also seems like a bad idea to give con-crit to someone you do know, even when they ask for it. But, I find it near impossible to tell when people are being 'genuine', when they're being 'polite' etc. o.O


I have the same problem. It's hard to find people who don't take what you say personally, and it's even harder to know and follow every rule there is out there on nettiquette and etiquette. I find people getting upset with me and/or avoiding me and have no idea why. Thing is, don't take it personally.



envirozentinel
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11 Nov 2012, 2:36 pm

Yeah - some people have a bad day and then take it out on someone else online because they can't see you face to face. So she hides behind her blog profile and over-reacts in a rude way because you are just a number to her... Don't allow her to spoil your day or week because then you're letting her get in control! I believe people on the WrongPlanet website are respectful and supportive of one another even when they don't agree with each other, which is where most NT's get it wrong - check out some of the news forums where I've really seen it all!



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11 Nov 2012, 4:13 pm

She sounds like someone who can't even accept criticism. And they say people on the autism spectrum have a hard time accepting it?


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CockneyRebel
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11 Nov 2012, 10:45 pm

Sweet Pea hugsImage


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