Think my dad is stealing my booze

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My dad is an alcoholic who claims to be in recovery. I know that he is lying about the recovery - I have enough evidence that I don't think is relevent to my question. I've had him come over to my house to do some repairs and maintenance type things, and to help out with my dogs when I have been out of town. Anyway, I have noticed copious amounts of alcohol missing. Should I confront him, lock up the booze, or just let it go? Mainly, I am just really insulted that he would steal from me.

Recovering addict here.An addict can use many justifications to supply their addiction.He is probably telling him self that it is payment for "services rendered",so does not see it as theft.The temptation is to much for him.If you know he is
going to be in the house when you are not there,take the booze with you,leave at a friends house,etc.He is not ready to quit but you dont have to enable him by having it around.Just knowing it is there is a sirens call.Please try not be to angry at him.It really is beyond comprehension, to nonaddicts, how much of a struggle sobriety can be(especially if the individual has not dealt with the things that began their drinking....thats called being a "dry drunk" and is continuation of addict behavior and thoughts EVEN if the person is not actively drinking. Sobriety without some kind of group support or counseling is usually ineffective in achieving full recovery.I wish you luck,I know I put my own parents through hell during my drinking years.It can make people incredibly selfish.

I think you should talk to the man about it, kindly.

If you care about your father, then the last two poll options aren't really options. One is shutting him out completely, while the other is ignoring the problem. The problem isn't that you are losing booze, it is that your father, a "recovering" alcoholic, could potentially be using said booze, and not doing as well with the recovery as he, and others, would like.

Locking the cabinet up, well, it would work, but it would be treating him like a child. It doesn't matter how badly off someone is, being treated like a child won't really help matters. Hell, if he really is just taking it now, who's to say that he wouldn't try breaking the lock or getting a copy of the key for it, or a copy of the combination, or using some other means to bypass it?

Starbuline's right, you should try talking with him about it first. More than anything else. don't treat this as an alcohol loss issue, treat it as a potential setback in your father's work towards recovery. Your father should be more important than your alcohol. (Reading that over it comes off as a bit aggressive or insulting, don't mean it that way.)

To address those who think that I am potentially undermining his recovery by having the booze readily available:

He has been claiming to be in recovery for the last 25 years. Last year my dad was having a conflict with my aunt who I hadn't talked to since I was like 12 (I am now 30). I was just believing everything that he said about his recovery for all those years, but one day we went to a restaurant and the waiter started joking around with him about his alcohol consumption in said restaurant. Later that week, he started talking again about how selfish and greedy my aunt is (they each inherited 1/2 of a summer house when my grandparents died). I had been hearing how horrible my aunt is in making all these demands of him to pay his fair share of the maintenance costs. So, because I was now doubting everything he said, I decided to call my aunt to hear her side of it.

All this time, I had been told that my aunt wanted nothing to do with me because she hated my mother. When I called my aunt, after we got through the initial crap of "were you put up to calling me", she started telling me how she was told that I was the one that didn't want anything to do with anyone because I had chosen to dedicate my life to remaining uneducated despite being highly intelligent, smoking pot and dropping acid. Not that I don't like the occasional doob. But the key word is occasional. Never tried acid - I saw someone freak out once and it scared me half to death. As for the education, I have a Master's degree.

Anyway, I asked my aunt about whether or not the feud over the summer house "had to do with his health". She asked me what I meant, and I rephrased the question to ask her if he drinks alcohol. She said yes and launched into this tirade about how impossible he is when he drinks and that he is no longer welcome in her house for that reason. I asked her how long this had been going on, and she said that he has always drunk when he came to visit her ever since he received amnesty for defecting in '89 and he's only getting worse.

So, the point here is that there is no recovery. It's a lie. I think that krex had a good point when he said that I am enabling him. So basically I acknowledge that I am enabling him, but I do not agree that I am undermining a recovery, since there is no recovery to undermine.

You are not responsible for your fathers recovery,he is.No one can do or say anything to an addict that will make them use or keep them from using.When I was newly sober, I lived in a house with alcohol and managed not to use it but it was a temptation that took some energy to fight...... "out of sight is ought of mind" is true in this respect.I chose not to use because I realized it wasnt solving my problems,just giving me more problems.Everyone of the friends I made in treatment has gone back to using and often used for a long time before I figured out they were using.It really sucks to have your trust misused but it is part of this addiction.I doubt that it would be worth confronting your dad.He would probably just deny it and say your aunt was lieing.

There are support groups for family members(alanon),but I dont think it is worth it if you dont have to live with an alcoholic or have issues from childhood about parents drinking.Then again,I am really group shy,others might get a lot out of it.

krex: I know that my mom found alanon helpful in the past. I don't like the whole group thing, and it freaks me out when they try to hug me. Are there alanon groups online? I have found that I have a much easier time socially interacting online so it may actually work better for me. If you know of any, I'd be willing to give it a try.

I do appreciate your input about the enabling. I hadn't really thought of it that way. I just wanted to clear up the issue of recovery, since I don't think that it is possible to undermine a fictional recovery.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/index.php

I am pretty out of touch with recovery community.It seemed to make me think more about drinking.(It was helpful the first few years.)You can check out the above link or try and goggle.Seemed to be a lot of adds for treatment centers,it'sa huge business.
Hope that is helpful and I wish you luck.I have been on both sides of this issue and must say neither side is much fun.

At first, I had to agree with the comment that locking up the booze seemed to be treating your father like a child. After I thought about it some more, I still semi-agree, simply because it is... the behavior his addiction's engendered has him acting childishly... sneaking booze, the deceit, etc. But after reading through the rest of your posts, I think that it's simply an honest acknowledgement of the fact that if you have unsecured booze+dad, it's going to equal -booze, and that's just that.
You know he has a problem, he knows he has a problem, skirting the issue won't do anything, and nor (maybe) will a confrontation/intervention-thing. I think your best bet's just to lock up the booze.

BTW, Krex, good point on the justifying it as payment for services rendered thing. Found that to be the case with a friends' dad in similar circumstances.

krex: thanks for that link. I'll check out that community.