Father issues.

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I don't know, I've had an incredibly complex relationship with my father. He is a good provider, he will do everything to ensure I am well-fed, well-clothed, have a roof over my head, etc. I mean, I suppose I have no right to complain about him just on the basis of what he does. However, I'm finding as I get older I just don't agree with him and he treats me a certain way.

I have two older sisters (from his previous marriage), and two younger sisters. One of older sisters works for a financial board with the federal government and has a master's degree. The other older one works as a paralegal in the local area. I haven't really talked with either of them in years. I tried to have a frank phone conversation with the one, but she didn't want to talk with me very much. The other sister, I rarely if ever have phone conversations with and she only visits my dad once or twice a year. I guess she is too busy with her hobbies. My younger sisters, obviously there's the youngest sister (whom I hate) and her kid, whom I watch for 3-14 hours per day (but I have discussed my problems with her in other posts). The other sister has a tepid relationship with me, because while she will talk with me sometimes about things, she doesn't want to be involved in helping me and is more interested in her boyfriend. Every sister of mine seems to be more interested in their boy friend except for the one sister with the master's.

I am the only son of my dad. In relation with my two youngest sisters, I am the eldest child. However, I take into account the two older half-sisters as well. Because all siblings are busy with their lives, I feel like my dad expects me to do everything to make up for them not being here (or in the case of the youngest one, being lazy and uninterested in doing chores/babysitting her kid). I work conscientiously to help do dishes, cook dinner nearly every night for him and me, babysit for 3-14 hours per day, helping out with yard work). A lot of parents would be proud to have a son like me who actually doesn't argue with parents and does chores conscientiously. However, my dad just wants to browbeat me. He says I do everything too fast and do sloppy work. He also blames me if something goes wrong. For instance, my chair broke late last night. It was already creaky when he first got it, but as I carried it out to the garage this morning, he got upset and asked why it broke. The metal frame under the seat broke, and he thought I was sitting in it the wrong way. He got mad and said I have a habit of breaking chairs (which both chairs that broke were aluminum.

He doesn't have any respect for my choices as far as my sexual orientation, religion, or political beliefs. He told he thinks I should "become straight." He thinks I have a hidden yearning for girls, but that his divorce with my mom screwed me up. I am not going to provide reasons why I feel I'm gay, but I am sick and tired of being told that I am straight when I never had any attraction to women other than to the matronly warmth aspect.

I had a psychological counseling session this morning, and as he drove me in, he told me that he thought I was using Asperger's as a way to make excuses for bad behavior. It's not that I'm trying to make excuses, I am simply trying to explain things to my dad about having Aspergers so he will be more patient with me and understand better, since he obviously doesn't read anything about Asperger's at all.

I know he is an older Japanese man who grew up on the farm and worked hard his whole life to get good pensions, but he never understood his own son. I work my butt off to please him and help him out and all he can repay me with is criticism and making me feel like I am a complete screw up. I jsut want him to be more understanding, is that too much to ask. I am trying to get out on my own, find a job, and an apartment, but it is taking so long.

Thats a difficult one, because your Dad like so many probably has very ingrained preconceptions. Being helpful, etc, is probably the best you can do while in the same house, because your willingness to act responsibly and contribute are some of the few things he may respect. Some men are very work orientated so the ammount you do is one of their subjective measurements.

Another thing he would likely respect is you becoming independant and being successful at some work, though it doesn't have to be a big or complicated thing. Parents yearn to see their kids on their own and able to stand on their own feet. They want to know the child will be OK when they pass away.

So in general I would suggest continue to be helpful, but do not expect much change in your father. Instead focus on building your own life and living independantly. Its very normal to desire your parents approval, but it is not ultimately what you be controlling your actions. But some of the things you do when building your own life may have an effect on changing his attitude some. Its kinda like it may kill two birds with one stone.