Identity vs. Role Confusion

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I am in the rare position of being very confused about what to do. When I thought I was having identity issues(changing myself for a select few people, probably to compensate for childhood/tween isolation) I was writing down thoughts on a plethora of topics. It hasn't helped.

How do I know which I'm having issues with? Can it be both? How would I go about solving these issues?

I can add details if needed.

Can you pick out a common theme out of the plethora? Hopefully, if you keep writing or talking it out it will help things to gel eventually. I have issues with this, but when I look back it becomes more obvious. Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz...

Much of it is related to me trying to change parts of myself in order to form strong relationships with select people. Happens a lot with adding band influences and temporary interests. I think most of it is from how little I value myself, however. Always cared more about the artwork I made, even inducing suffering for better artwork in the past.

However, I have no idea what I want to do and seem to be having indecision with my band. Hopefully that leads to some self discovery...

Anyone able to help me determine which one it is or if it's both?

It could be both after thinking about it; however, a sense of self is supposedly developed before knowledge of what roles you play in life. I am scared of what I might find in myself...

I have been through this phase. But if I was unconsciously changing myself to something which is oriented opposite to my deep inherent nature, then I go through a lot of stress and anxeity and go to a highly neurotic nail biting phase. For example, I was trying to convince myself that I do not need people at all and needing people is a weakness and such because I was with talking to one such person A LOT .Truth is though I have not necessarily wanted company but once in a while I do enjoy being around people and talking or just listening to others' BS. So during this phase, I was extremely lonely and miserable. Now I am slowly fighting my way out of it.

With respect to behaving differently with different people, I don't let my guard down and blabber all I want to everyone. So to most people I come off a overly polite, serious person who can't take a joke. But I let some people call me names and take more liberties with me without it hurting me. As I see, it is a question of comfort level.

But I think it is ok if you develop some new interests in case you like it a little and it is healthy. And as long as these interests or behaviour don't stress you out or harm you in any way, it is fine.

My sense of self is most of the time clouded since I analyse every single criticism that comes my way and it turns out that I am overly defensive. So I don't entirely agree with it.


I totally identify with this.. I take 3 steps towards knowing myself better and drop down 5 steps because of fear. It is a daily struggle..

I hope this long ramble helps in some way.

Thank you lazamb_girl, it helps a lot.

I too have gone through the stage of trying to convince myself that i don't need people. After a deep depression and help from my mentor, though, I saw how wrong it was and now am close friends with a few people and quiet around others. It seems to work very nicely.

I am always the same person around everyone, which leads people to either love or hate being around me. I am perfectly fine with this, as long as people don't go out of their way to screw up things I am doing.

As far as interests go, I think 4 is enough with a few minor ones occasionally. Video games, music, cooking and art offer plenty of ways to bond with people.

I am a very defensive person, but in the sense that I keep everyone's thoughts and attempts to be friendly with me very carefully at first. Again, part of why people either love or hate me. The patient get to see how good of a friend I am, though.

Fear can be very paralyzing when aimed at yourself.