Feeling like I can't be bothered to live

Post Reply New Topic

I just want to give up on life. I find it so tedious, and also very stressful at the same time. I find being an Aspie boring because I can't socialise as well as I would like to, also my life is just ran around my special interests what I am unintentionally losing anyway (can't be bothered to go all into what it is and why I'm losing it), and I can't imagine life without it. Also I have just started a new job, which is OK, but apparently nobody is allowed to take time off at Christmas and so I have visions of me having to go in on Christmas day, which isn't what I want to do. I'm not keen on Christmas, but I find it's the only time of the year where I can relax at home, get lost in my new DVDs, and forget I am part of society for a week or so, and not having to socialise with anyone except close family in my home. I don't fancy trecking out to work on cold mornings while everyone else in my family get to be indoors, having a lay-in, and enjoying a nice Christmas dinner and exchanging presents and watching the children open their presents, et cetera. Everyone else gets Christmas off except me.

I also find life very tiring. I just wish I could just volunteer at different places, choosing my own hours at places of my own choice, and just being my own boss and not being beholden to anyone. I'm not lazy, I just don't like pressure. I'd rather do work of my own choice, but it's a shame you can't get incapacity allowance and do voluntary work at the same time. I know the government's attitude is ''all or nothing'', so they won't hand out free money to those who claim to be incapable but can do voluntary work, if you know what I mean.

Um, I am kind of hoping that the world will end on 21st of December 2012.

Don't give up. Just when you feel like life is at its worse, it will turn around. After all, when you're at rock bottom, which way is there to go but up?

I know what your special interest is and why it's ending, and I understand how painful that is. But you will find something new. I know right now it feels like nothing can ever replace it, but there will come a time when you'll find something just as good if not better. It may not be today or tomorrow, but eventually something will ignite a fire inside your heart. You just have to be patient.

It really sucks that you have to work on Christmas, but you are not the only one. There are soldiers, doctors, firefighters, etc who either have to work long hours well into Christmas or don't even get to go home at all. Besides, your family will probably wait for you to get home before they open presents and such. Everyone wishes they could work the hours they want and be their own boss, but that's not how the working world works (no pun intended). If you want money, then you have to let someone boss you around and put up with crap from all kinds of different jerkwads. It's not right and it's not fair but that's the way it is.

Maybe so. It's just so much effort and investment for something that yields so little payoff. But I've learned that comparing your life to others will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Because people don't really show the difficulties they encounter in life. Just like yourself, nobody is really aware of what each person goes through every day, we only see what the person allows us to see. They could seem fine, but the doctor already told them that they are dying tomorrow. And I know, it's very tempting to compare your life to others, who all seem to be able to navigate life so easily, and who all seem to be so successful in every endeavor that they undertake, but that's just the way it is. A lot of people (including myself) think that a diagnosis gives us an excuse not to try. That one is doomed to a life of stereotypical behavior of obsessive-compulsion, special interests, social inability, hypersensitivity, etcetera, and there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't use Autism as an excuse; it looks bad on everyone here. Just think of this as playing life in hard mode. Someday you will be able to brag about your suffering, even if it's just to yourself. Someday you may be able to learn how to fake it enough to seem semi-normal. I'm not saying something better will come tomorrow, or next year, or the next decade; that is just false hope. I have stopped hoping for something better some time ago, and have decided to just ride out my time, occupying myself as much as I can. I have decided that it is what it is, so be it. You can give up on people, because f*ck them, but don't give up on yourself. Whatever it is, you can probably handle it.

And if it makes you feel any better, one of my friends was born on New Year's day. Last year he spent New Year's eve and his 21st birthday sleeping in an armored vehicle at some remote Romanian outpost and woke up at 3 in the morning to cross a freezing river on foot with around 60-80 pounds of gear on in order to hunt for Taliban that they never found.

Having to work on holidays is one of the downsides of the caring/health sector. My past work in the cinema industry gave the me the choice between working Christmas or New Year (either Christmas Eve and Boxing Day or Hogmanay and New Years Day, they closed on Christmas Day itself). You may be able to volunteer/swap shifts to get Christmas off provided you work all of New Year.

Since a lot of your co-workers may not have family nearby they may prefer to work Christmas rather than New Year. If you have no option but to work on Christmas day try to get your family to move the celebration to suit your shift (I could probably work a 9-5 shift before my family serve the main meal!).

If you do have to work over the festivities then take holidays later in the year, you get 5.6 weeks/year, you can then laugh at your family having to go into work whilst you are at leisure.

what you need is an aspie hubby.

and look! You're in luck. This forum is full of potentials

I really hope you won't have to go to work on Christmas-that would be sad. The Christmas period can be very stressful, especially if you have a job that gets busier around Christmas. It will pass eventually.

"If wishes were horses, beggers would ride" goes a very old saying.

Having to work Christmas is a very big disappointment. One possibility is to see if your family would be willing to wait till you are home to celebrate, open gifts, etc.

A personnel view of interests is that all become exhausted in time and need to be replaced or shelved for as time. Getting a new interest is exciting in itself & it doesn't have to be like old ones. In fact branching in new directions is I think more stimulating.

There will be a 22nd of December, and 23rd, etc, and many 25ths to come. This will be just the year you had to work on Christmas, and probably unusual.