Issues with shame.

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I spent my entire childhood and early adulthood being taken advantage of by virtually everybody around me. I do not know how to relate to others when they are not taking advantage of me today. I honestly do not.

I have nightmares most nights of things I have went through in my past. Things that I was coerced into doing by the adults in my life when I was a child. All of my peers laughing at me after they violently coerced me into doing humiliating acts. My mother always telling me that I should give in to everybody else's demands, no matter how I feel.....

It's easy for me to talk about my history of being sexually abused, but I feel great shame over the stupid things that happened to me in early adulthood. Of people I don't even know begging me for cash, and me giving in and handing it over to them. Of my history of flying all over the country to sleep with chickenhawks during my late teen years. Just about anybody can do whatever they want to me, they can demand anything from me, and I always crumble under the slightest bit of pressure. It's disgusting.

I do not know what to do with myself.

Taking advantage of vulnerable ppl is sick.
Know that there are people here that would quite happily throttle abusers for you.

Keep your spirits up!

Start out with two blank sheets of paper. On one paper write down the names and evil deeds of all the people who treated you bad. On the second sheet of paper write down all the dirty rotten stuff you have done. While in prayer tell God you forgive all those people on paper one for what they did to you...then ask God to forgive all your sins written down on sheet two. Works like a charm and just as God intended. PS Edit: The kicker at the end is to begin to "ACT" like you have forgiven the folks on sheet one. Forgiveness is an action..not an emotion. God honors Action!! Forgetting can take a while longer..but forgiving is the first step to healing..and as you have seen its real easy.

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Can we keep religion out of it? It just leads to flame wars and bad music.[/quote]

Certainly. Kindly give us some effectual non religious solutions to the issues under consideration. Thanks. I would not like to get scorched by flames or be forced to listen to Justin Beiber and Lady Gaga music:) For those who like real good music try this:

http://www.hpr.org/loudcity/hpr1/hpr1wmp.asx

Solutions for this are not easy....I would say don't blaim yourself for other people's vicious actions. Easy to say and logical since you did nothing wrong....but so tough to live by....I've been doing the same thing lately. Thinking through my life and how can I let that person do this to me or be fooled into that. And also not wanting to be tricked again and repeat any of it. Or even worse...be fooled into something new. : / I wake up and these memories and worries hang around my mind to make me feel like a complete loser. Sucks so bad sometimes. I try to think in terms of karma. those people did bad but I'm trying to do only good. I think about how I wasn't at fault and those people are sick for playing twisted games. They're really really sick people and they did horrible things no good person would ever do. Looking at it like that... It makes me really angry and for me anger motivates me to be a better person and not let this stuff get me down.