A Most Unfortunate Decline

Post Reply New Topic

Problem solved.

"One moment I am an extrovert (which I despise being), then the next, I am an introvert, usually with a misanthropic demeanour. When I am the extrovert I will talk to everyone and anyone, even if they don't talk to me first. Though this personality comes in use when having to speak up in front of people, I completely despise it. It's not only embarrassing when I am mocked for what I may say, but it makes me look and feel like a part of the society which I so dislike."

Well, I'd say that's a talent. Most of us could NEVER walk up to a stranger and start talking to them.
Just saying, if you can make someone jealous, you're doing something right.
You know, I had a phase in my life when I hated society also. I don't anymore. But when I was in that state of mind I particularly enjoyed reading "Into the Wild" by John Krakauer. Just a suggestion.
But honestly, society is not made to please you. It's made by normal people for normal people. You can't expect the whole world to fonction in a way that is acceptable for a minority, which is what autistic people are. A minority. Personnally I think we should get our own country : )

The low self-esteem thing, I can relate and I think a lot of people on here can relate as well. We all have moments when we feel like we're worth nothing. I thought I was an ugly, talentless waste of a human being also for years. Turns out I'm not. Sometimes you just can't see your own worth.

"I haven't ever really had any true friends throughout my life due to how difficult and complicated a person I truly am."

Yeah, us aspies always think we're so complicated, don't we ? Guess what, normal people are just as complicated. It's just that they have more tools to understand themselves. We have to figure out our own rules.
Believe me, I used to think like you. I changed my mind about normal people having easy brains when I saw a friend of mine go through anorexia. That's the weirdest, most complicated thing I've ever seen someone go through. Made me feel pretty normal.

Sorry if that doesn't help and forgive me if my english isn't perfect, I'm french.

you're a good writer. not everyone on WP is a good writer.

You truly are an excellent writer, as cathylynn so astutely observed.

I did a quick once-over of what you'd written and immediately thought: "extremely high-functioning humanoid with ADHD co-morbid. Has been bullied, tormented...some form of PTSD messing with this person's self-esteem".

Extremely sensitive. Did you evolve a high EQ via compensation? Please forgive me getting so personal so quickly... half of people on Earth tell me to get out of their head due to being Aspie with high EQ. High anxiety? You betcha!

You are so brilliant, reading your words is like staring into an eclipse of the sun without protecting me eyes! Can you truly imagine that you are stupid? How is this possible for you to be so oblivious to the truth of yourself?

You have a splendid and wonderful mind. You paint landscapes with words and this is a gift so rare.

Yes, I understand anxiety and experience it every day and it is like a terrible storm many times and this is the curse and the beauty of being unique as you are and creative as you are. To believe that you are alone and stand out like a sore thumb... I am certain that you are beautiful and this, too, bothers you -- the attention that is paid.

There is a conflict and collision within you and I can tell you "I have lived this and it is possible to bear this and emerge a very strong person who greatly enhances the lives of others because you exist, because you have a purpose, because you are magical and spiritually evolved." I cannot ever tell you existence will not be painful. All I can tell you is that I know, many know, the suffering and they learn the great importance of not taking themselves too seriously and of laughing at themselves.

"From personal experience, I have learned that everyone else around me tends to be better off than me, no matter how self-conscious they are... they may have perfect grades or an extraordinary talent which I could only dream of having... "

You can't keep measuring yourself, your happiness and your self-worth based on other people. That's not how THEY do it.
But you know what, I'm not worried about you. You're gonna be fine. Some people you read their life stories you think, that's not gonna end well. I couldn't tell you exactly why, but I think you're a survivor. Trust me, I'm never wrong. I have super powers.

Also, here's something else. Do you actually think people get perfect grades or play an instrument like a god, without working at it ? That's NOT how it works. Do you really think musicians are just born that way ? That's not even possible, instruments were created by PEOPLE ! !! NO, they work at it for years. Do you know how boring and frustating it is just to learn how to read music ? Makes anyone feel really stupid.

You know people always tell me "you're so lucky you can speak english, I wish I could be that lucky." Well, I didn't wake up one day speaking a foreign language. I worked at it.
Now, I amaze people because I can read russian (although I don't understand any of it) Well, I spent hours going crazy over that stupid stupid alphabet ! !!

In the end, that's what talent is, it's WORK and DETERMINATION combined.
It's not magic. It only seems like it because you haven't seen the entire process. You only see the results.

Is that sarcasm ? I can't really tell... I'll give you two answers just in case. f**k you as*hole OR you're welcome, friend.

Well then I'm glad I could help even a tiny little bit. I'm sure you'll be alright in the end. Just hold on. And don't stay on wrongplanet too much. It's great and comforting once in a while, but if you hang around too much it gets really depressing.
Just wanted to squeeze in one more useless advice 'cause I kinda like you.
Alright, bye. Good luck in life !

Wow. Your post really hit home with me. It made me cry. For most of my life, I felt the way you are describing.

It is so hard to feel that way- to hate yourself, to feel you have no talents or accomplishments and are therefore worthless. I’ve struggled with a lot of the stuff you are talking about. I don’t know if it helps, but I can tell you the conclusions I’ve come to about those issues. And I will tell you some of the things that have helped me…I kind of became obsessed with researching that topic.

You push people away before they can get too close and you have a dislike for society. Someone has hurt you very bad in the past. Maybe they denied your feelings, rejected you, abandoned you, hit you or even molested you. You are just trying to defend yourself by keeping people away. This may be the only way you could be sure to stay safe up until now. Don’t be hard on yourself for this.

You are right that your anxiety is a major problem. Recognize that for whatever reason, you do not have sufficient coping skills and need to learn them. The best way to do this is to actively look for suggestions online, in books, from professionals. Some ideas to start with: martial arts, yoga, meditation, artistic stuff, listening to or playing music, dancing, walking meditation, hiking, swimming, exercising.

There are certain things known to help with anxiety and depression. At least part of it is always biologically based. Tips:

- Get out in the sun. Yeah, I know you live in England. But whenever possible, make sure you are outside at least 15 minutes a day. Sunlight makes your body produce Vitamin D, which alleviates depression. Make sure you got some skin showing.
- Drink green tea. Doesn’t have to be special, cheap stuff will do. It makes your body produce GABA, which is the calming hormone in your body. Drink at least 2 cups a day.
- Omega-3 capsules. Find high quality ones- no ASDA fish oil! When I switched to fresh Omega-3 caps, I felt so much better within a day. It made my life bearable at the time.

Message me if you want to know more. I know a lot about this stuff and pharmaceuticals. It’s saved my ass, honestly.

I think you need a reality check, though. You are by no means stupid. You discount all evidence to the contrary, but if you were stupid, you wouldn’t be able to hide it in your post.

It is a very hard thing to do, but the only way out of the pain is by getting help from others. You’ve already begun by posting something here…you are headed in the right direction for relief. One thing I would suggest you look into is EEG neurofeedback. It made a huge difference for me.