Reading WP makes me want to jump off a bridge...

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Most of my life, I've been telling myself "it will get better, it will get better" and that seemed to happen for a time. But there are so many aspies who seem to decline after their twenties. In some ways, I may have already peaked a year or two ago.

I had no idea Aspergers/HFA/PDD-NOS even existed until a month ago. I used to blame everything on poor socialization due to homeschooling. Guess what? That's 100% correctable. My diagnosis has changed that, and between that and reading these forums (particularly in the Social Skills and Making Friends one), I have been sliding into deep depression. I wish I had done something actively before to fix my problems. I am wondering if now may be too late.

Are people who top out in their mid 20's and die alone really just painfully unaware of themselves, they don't do anything to improve themselves, or is it inevitable for many of us? If it's inevitable, why even live?

I am starting to realize myself that these forums don't really help at all. It's all bitching and moaning here for the most part no matter what forum you are in. I do my best to look at things with a realistic approach and be somewhat positive, but the negativity is abundant here. At least in the haven you can moan all you want and it won't matter who replies or reads it. You just get it out and move on. That's it, and all is done. The solution I think is to keep in touch with those who feel like friends to you in the real world.

Eh. Keep yourself alive. Take it from someone who's been there and done that.

I suppose some people have a pathology that makes them incapable of directing their own lives where they want it to go. But it's important to remember that every decade of life brings its own complications and challenges for NTs as well as Aspies.

The 20s can be a difficult time. You're an adult and yet you don't have the skills or experience you feel you should have. The 30s might be better because finally you are finding your way. And then you hit your 40s and while you might be doing okay, you start to feel "is this all?" After that, I'm not so sure...

One thing that happened to me in my early to mid 40s... I stopped caring so much. I don't care what people think of me. If I'm single the rest of my life, okay. It may not be ideal, but there are other things to think about. I find I'm less concerned about what I used to think was really important. As I grow older, I'm more interested in details and little things. I don't care so much about the grandiose dreams that I used to have. I'm just concerned with trying to do good work here and now.

This doesn't make it any easier for someone in their teens or twenties to feel reassured. What is important at that age is no less important just because a 40 year old doesn't care about it. I don't have an easy answer for how to survive life. I think sometimes it's like jumping into cold water... The fear of it is far greater before you jump in and you can waste a lot of time worrying about how you will feel when you jump in, but when you finally do, you find you will survive it (even if certain body parts shrivel up).

I am 27. Yeah, I felt like that before coming here though, and after. My depression has been going south as well. I see people who are worse off than me, and some who are successful and I just can't get there. I always wondered WTH was the point to it all, except to cause pain and suffering. I know I am not where I want to be in life now, maybe someday, but just hang in there. I was worse off 10 years than I am now. At least I know who I am, seems like it's worse on some levels though. I guess maybe ignorance was bliss. I keep plugging along hoping that one day I will find what I am looking for, because I have to believe that this isn't it for me.

No one's making you stay here on Wrong Planet.

I'm not going to lie; if I do get diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder next week, I'll definitely feel what you're talking about. I mean, honestly, even if I don't get diagnosed with anything particularly permanent, I'm still destined to an uncomfortable and problematic life with IBS. It's pretty garbage and as you all know, depressing but my little obsessions usually keep me ticking along. I mean, we've all got to see A Song of Ice and Fire through!

Well you have to keep in mind, we are all unique and have our individual challenges in life. You can't compare yourself based on how someone else's life has turned out, specifically without personally knowing the circumstances. I am personally in my late 20s now, but I haven't "topped out" by any means. I have struggled quite a bit with social issues due to AS and social anxiety my entire life. It really wasn't until I was like 16 or 17 that I could even manage to hold a halfway normal conversation.

To this day I have not solved all of my problems, I still have a great amount of difficulty forming lasting friendships, and have never had a romantic relationship. But that said, I have progressed tremendously, and know that there is hope out there. I recently was offered my dream job that I will be starting soon, and professionally my life couldn't possibly be in a better place. And I have been actually going out with friends on a semi-regular basis and going on a few dates lately too. So I do know without a doubt that I am capable of forming friendships and eventually finding a true, loving relationship. That day may not be today, but at least I can see the possibility there.

In the end, your life is what you make of it. Sometimes getting the things you want may be incredibly difficult, or even nigh impossible, but if you don't at least try as hard as you possibly can, then you will never know what you could or could not have achieved. And just because you have AS, does not mean that you can't learn to improve socially. It may take more work than it would otherwise, and there may be some things you will always struggle tremendously with, but you can't let it act as a crutch holding you back.

I hope that I was able to help some, because I know in a way how you feel. I also become somewhat saddened when I see all of the posts. Mostly because I can relate so well with what is said sometimes, and their situations seem so much in parallel to my own. However, I try my best not to let it impact my optimistic outlook on the future, even if at times I am concerned about it.

Actually, nothing has changed since you got diagnosed. You are the same person, with the same strengths and weaknesses. Your homeschooling may well have had a lot to do with your social skills.

They have given you an idea that having ASD is a reason to lose hope. That is completely false. It means your weaknesses might be spelled out for you in list form. It means you will have to try harder to learn certain things. But guess what that makes you? Normal. Nobody, not NT's or anyone else, gets through life without hardship.

You might think they do, but that is only because they are masters at hiding it. When you get to know anyone really well, you will see they have flaws and problems. Some of them have a label for those problems, while others just consider themselves "messed up" or "unlucky". You might want to believe your problems are so much worse than theirs, but you don't know that for sure...you haven't walked in their shoes. You don't know all their deepest, most heartbreaking secrets. They don't exactly stamp those across their foreheads.

You are not doomed. There is still a whole life ahead of you. Don't give up!