The fork in the road I am at...I've reached it burdened down

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I've read about this thing that young people in their mid-twenties go through....I believe it's called "quarter-life crisis." Well, I feel like I've been in one since I graduated college with a History degree this last May. I've felt rudderless about what kind of job I want to do in order to get there...I even have moments where I wonder if it is worth going 20-45,000 into debt to accomplish said feat. However, with a humanities degree and no work experience, I am not really sure what to do. I am working with state VR agency who have assigned me a privately-contracted vocational specialist who is helping me look for jobs.

I went through community college and 4-year university with alternating intentions of becoming an editor or becoming a librarian. However, in order to become a librarian, I need to go to graduate school to get a Master's degree. VR paid for my undergraduate education, which I am grateful for. But now, I am basically on my own. I haven't really questioned my goal of becoming a librarian (but then again, I feel like it is one of the few jobs which would get me out of Idaho). I applied for admissions to SJSU down in San Jose, CA in August for an online program to start the third week of January. I am basically required by the program to attend the semester I applied for (which was the only option at the time). I applied to the program at San Jose State because there were fewer documents to handle as well as a pretty much assured admission. Initially, before looking at San Jose State, I was strongly considering the University of Washington, but they require a CV, letters of recommendation, and a personal statement. And as it stands, admission the MLIS program is not assured, and the school websited said it is often the case that applicants apply more than once before they are accepted.

Now, I'm having buyer's remorse. I applied for loans and accepted 8,000 for the first year. I registered for one class and the school registered me for a four-week orientation to a "libraries and social media" course. The loan funds have not yet been disbursed to my account. I am not so sure about whether I want to attend classes entirely via computer. I've taken every single class from my first day of Kindergarten to my college graduation in a brick-and-mortar setting. In contrast, the program at UW offers the possibility of attending classes on campus as well. There are more scholarsihps available on the UW website than at SJSU. It would be easier to move to Seattle than to San Jose. My attainable dream of moving to Seattle (I fantasize about moving to Japan sometimes and naturalizing as a citizen, but I worry I'm too socially awkward to teach).

But the application period for the spring semester has passed and I don't feel financially prepared to attend a mandatory orientation which will require me to travel to Seattle currently or for the fall semester of 2013. I'm thinking about Spring 2014 or Fall 2014. I feel scared because I'm afraid I'm not going to have a good Social Security or pension. I haven't really worked yet. My vocational specialist is telling me I should look for mostly retail or other jobs which pay not so well. I am afraid because a lot of librarian jobs require 3-5 years of library experience and I worry that it will be a decade or two before I get into a position.

I told my dad tonight about my plan. I was expecting him to be mad, but he's coming down with a cold and his reaction was basically that he wasn't too concerned about what I was doing and that he didn't even know if he would be alive in 2 years. He told me he feels like his zest for life is gone and that he is ready to die at any time. With the situation with my little sister and her son, I understand his misery and pain, but he has expressed those thoughts years before when my dad and mom were still married. I feel like everybody else in the family is going to abandon me to take care of him alone if he becomes incapacitated. My sisters have boyfriends. My older half-sister has her golf that she doesn't want to give up. All in all, I'm not so sure about things at home.

I don't know if I'm making a mistake changing my college choice to a different college and setting off my matriculation for at least 2 more years, but then my immediate goal is to get a job and move away from this family misery. Should I focus on my short-term goals or long-term?

Was there mad It thru but I really don't have good advice but go for your goal and don't look back. If you want out push hard to get there.