bad memories resurface

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im sitting here with my resentment of my family coming up in my head. i remember how i was treated harshly and everyone thinks im ret*d and special needs. two years ago, they never call and ask about me. now it seems like they care and are supportive but to me its BS. they never took interest in me and them doing it now makes me suspicious of them. i don't trust them at all. they're liars and they make me uncomfortable and feel bad. they're always questioning me and making cruel remarks after i answer. To me, my family don't mean s**t to me. they have no lives and likes to start drama. They always have something negative to say because they want something to talk about. they're pathetic and it makes me sick to be around them. if i needed help, i wouldn't turn to them. i rather struggle and suffer. my bitterness and resentment towards them is so strong i don't want any of them in my life. if they offer me a roof over my head, i turn them down. they overwhelm me and im unhappy when i see them. i am not talking about my intermediate family. im talking about the family i don't live with like my cousins, other siblings, etc. i want them to leave me the hell alone and stay out of my life

Don't let them get under you skin don't give them the satisfaction. The biggest FU you can sent them is telling them you love life and that all of your business that they need to know even if you are not feeling it smile and think fu.

I used to do terrible things in my childhood, like unexpectly touching a girl's vagina, pushing my sister and hurting her, and others. I just too thick-headed, which depress me.