Christmas Woes

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This family that has been connected to me since birth, came over today with presents.
Very nice of them.

Previously I told them not to come a couple of times, but they showed up anyhow.
Very nice of them.

They arrive and I end up getting mad at them because they asked me "how's it going?" after
they asked me what I've been doing. And I replied with "well since I have no purpose,
I've been reading a lot of chemistry books, and making losing bets in the stock market."

They're a family that doesn't talk about politics, unless it affects them.
So i suppose that I am not their family, unless they enjoy having the province
act as my guardian. I am not so concerned about this issue, merely it is the principle
that bothers me.

Not a ton of other people are this fortunate, especially during this time of year.
So receiving anything, in any amount is pleasurable. Except that, I derived pleasure
from rejecting it initially. Primarily because this is the family who didn't investigate
the adoption years until 15, and until 18 I acted even more so dramatic because
I was in high school and I was searching for a job, and I was hoping to retain a group
of friends.

I'm primarily mad at this group of people for apathetically regarding my existence
up until now, where they have the ability to treat me as a charity case until I break down
and cry and thank the stars for the best Christmas ever, even though I said that last year
when I was being psychologically tortured by this sadistic group of individuals.

What horrible people! Who do they think they are, bringing you Christmas presents?

You should sue.

I think the better response would be:

"Why are you mad at people who brought you Christmas presents?"

Since it seems odd to you.
I am very grateful, however I don't feel like I've been nurtured by
any particular source, so I am a little jaded and when
the people who were responsible for rejecting you from their family
years prior only notice you around the holidays, it
hurts.

And it's weird, because at Thanksgiving - they didn't invite me over.

But at Christmas, they feel more "charitable."

That's unfortunate. I know what it's like to have a fleeting family as well as having this bitterness around this time because of it. Hope you enjoy your holidays regardless.

Thank you. I am going to have dinner with them on the 25th.

I don't know why. Maybe I'm desperate for a family. Maybe I
really like mash potatoes and turkey, or maybe it's
because I have a duty to my core, and inner being, and my heart -
to do the right thing - because having dinner with these
people won't kill me.

But it certainly will make them happy. And their presents
made me happy. I'm not sure what type of relationship this is,
but I can't say no, especially after all the warm socks, chocolate and
other goodies I got. Y'know?

What strikes me as even more odd, is that the second
and initial family - that abused me - sent a package
of gifts too with a card. Am I supposed to send it back?
"Umm.. thank you. I really appreciate this. But I'm sure
you know how much it hurts to be confused."

The use of sarcasm y some people can be totally inappropriate and insensitive. There is a time and place for everything.

Some people think they can come on here, and act like they are free to hurt others because they are aspies. Well, guess what? Before being aspies we are all humans and some people are actually suffering and just need a kind word.

So, WhiteWidow, I understand where you are coming from. I empathise. I hope one day, those people who give you presents, will match their behaviours with it. I always said this is the season for hypocrisy.

Big hug.

It was supposed to be tongue in cheek type sarcasm. Not the mean kind. The "You should sue" comment was meant to be a clue that it was meant humorusly.

I have a similar issue with my family.
My Mother and Stepfather ignore me most of the year and only want to meet up to reassure themselves they are "kind" at Birthday and Christmas.
It's nice to get presents but I know every year I will be given the same things. Slippers a size too small and socks made for the teenage market (I'm 47). I usually give them away.

If I complain of being ignored I'm told they have busy lives (as leaders of a Church), that I'm being "difficult" and should be forgiving because it's Christmas.

This is equivalent to unloading an appreciation bomb. It destroys my sense of self-worth, because
now it's almost as if you become dependant on them at a certain time every year. Like a ritual. They
enjoy playing the part of god. It's sadist.

Like in the book 'Choke' by Chuck Palahniuk, in which the protagonist is lead to believe throughout the story that
he is the second coming of Jesus Christ because the people who raised him, nurtured him, or
continued to send him money or gifts after they "saved his life" from choking at a restaurant. It's almost
as if these people gave him life. Like god. And they enjoy it, and they enjoy writing the cards every year.

They enjoy picking out the stupid little picture art and writing stupid little
"thought bombs" on the page. But it's all empty, because even though
they feel that giving random material objects that have no relevance to
my current circumstance, I still think that they're completely oblivious, apathetic
and ignorant. And maybe even a little bit psychopathic.

I hear what you all say....i abhor the hypocrisy of the whole Christmas season:

* within family; and
* the gross consumerism which totally defies the underlying meaning of what Christmas is about (real concern and empathy for all - whether religious believers or not).

I feel such a deep seated depression at the moment, I just cant get out of bed (except for the first 24 hours I found Wrong Planet and was on a manic high). Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink, except I know once I sober up I will still feel the same (plus I am broke til Thursday ). GRRRrrrrrr I hate feeling like this and I just can't snap out of it

Venusflower67 I am sending you a big hug.

(((hugs))) back at ya aspiesandra. Thank u...I am feeling a bit brighter thank goodness.

I ended up getting really mad at my family,
because I told them I was going to file for litigation
against the Queen Elizabeth in Supreme Court, and
instead of hearing any support or questions, I only heard
silence.

I can't exactly remember what caused the argument,
however I remember swearing at them, and yelling at them
because I didn't feel that they truly understood the term "family."

And yet I was concession ed to eat with these people.

I only wanted to eat with my Great Grandma and my aunt, and sing
Christmas Carols or play a board game, or watch television
but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to have dinner with them
because we're destroying Christmas every year
without a tradition or plan or priorities of any sort.

These people put up their Christmas decorations without me.
They had Thanksgiving without me. And for some reason
they have invited me to Christmas.

The fact that I can't understand the situation as anything else
than a friend/charity circumstance is what's really bothering me. That
and when they said sorry, they said "sorry for whatever."

What is the sentiment surrounding the AUD at this time?

My experience with somewhat similar situations is that if I behave negatively toward the other people, I just wind up feeling badly about myself and fuelling any bad opinion they may harbor about me. So I go along with it, and hope it's over quickly so I can get back to my life. The holidays will be over soon. I'm sorry this wasn't a better day for you.

I realize this only at 22, because I know for a fact that anything is possible,
so I know that we're not given long happy times, so any positive time, that doesn't include
military torture or sadist acts is all good in my books.

I really enjoy not being angry, and not seeing people hurt.
But at the same time, I want to know that we're all genuinely
happy, rather than tip-toeing around any issues that arise.