Not moving on...
Ooccoo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
![User avatar](./download/file.php?avatar=78234.jpg)
Joined: 12 Dec 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 73
Location: South Wales
Right, this could get pretty long so bear with me
I go to this online chat group, have done since about this time last year. Before Christmas I had to split ways with possibly my closest friend on there under some painful circumstances, which I'll get to later but I'd better start at the beginning. This friend was the one who invited me to this chat after we'd talked during something on a site we both went on. And it went well, there was ups and downs within the community, but I enjoyed being there. All the while me and him got closer and closer. I dunno why, but there was something in him that drew me to him. There were highs, such as him helping me get my first, and currently only one ever, girlfriend and there were lows, he attempted suicide, or rather he says he did more on that later, even blackmailing me emotionally at one point. But all the while we became very close, he became the one person I could confide in, tell anything too.
But then in the late spring things took a sour turn. For months he'd be going on about his girlfriend, and how she'd gotten pregnant and that they'd gotten engaged. I was ecstatic for him, over the moon. But then it was revealed that it was all a lie. Some make believe fairy tale he'd conjured up. I still don't know why to this day. He says it was the fact he wanted somewhere where things went right but I don't know. This shook me to my core. The one guy who I could confide in turned out to be lying to me for months. However, after a few weeks of repairing and apologising I forgave him. Started trusting him again. Things were back to normal
But then, in August he got a boyfriend (he says he's bi) and again I was happy for him, if a little dubious. I talked with the boyfriend several times and he seemed a decent lad. But eventually things started going sour. I found myself being dragged into arguments and disputes between the pair, often being the subject because of how close I was to my friend. These arguments played heavily on my emotions and thoughts (Perticually the one where my friend told me he "was in love with me" but that's not one I'd like to discuss). This dragged on from October to early December. During this period, several of us were starting to suspect that this boyfriend was another fake. Little things kept happening like him ignoring requests for a picture of the two of them, or a delay between them speaking, or a logo in a picture. But then in early December I confronted him about it. And it turned out after several hours of delays and excuse that the boyfriend was another fake. At this point I'd had enough. My emotions had been toyed with for some ulterior motive. I stopped any and all communications with him and told him to leave me alone.
But recently he's been trying to get into contact with me again, trying to repair what is in my eyes damaged beyond repair. I was sick and tired of him manipulating me, controlling me and toying with my emotions. But here's the problem. I can't seem to move on. It's been a month now and I'm still hurting, still feeling lost and confused. Still wondering if I made the right decision. Still feeling lime I can't trust people. I'm even considering talking to him again just to get these thoughts of self doubt and distrust out of my head, but I don't want that. Just how can I move on?
tl:dr Close friend toyed with my emotions so I stopped the friendship but I can't move on. What do?
_________________
Kaze o ukete tatsu kewashii gake de wa
Jibun no yowasa bakari ga mieru ne
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