couple of questions

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I have been battling some form of depression on and off for the last 10 years. I have been on a high dose of anti depressants and anti anxiety meds which started out small but was increased over time.
I was just recently diagnosed with Apergers and didn't know much about it until a few months prior to the diagnosis.
I have been constantly fighting this feeling of tiredness. It is and was always a struggle to do anything. I don't know whether it's the meds doing this or the fact I constantly feel I have to fight my way to get through each day. When I am on my own I have a certain amount of struggles and when I am trying to navigate my way through society I have a load of different struggles as well ones where the two overlap.
My first question is does a change in routine contribute to this nearly nauseating feeling of struggle?
Could it be the medication?
I think I am ready to start trying to get off them because whatever way I am now, I don't think medication is going to help anymore- it's just something I have to learn to live with. Although I may ask about a sleeping tablet because that is one area that I feel the tablets have helped me with.
The thing that is really annoying me about the way I am now is I have found my hobby. I was attending college studying illustration. After having a mild depressive meltdown I will be repeating. I am finding it nearly impossible to work at it even though I really want to. They say aspies can be quite successful because they can devote so much focus to their interests. And while I am very focused I am finding everything very difficult including working on my interests. It's that feeling of struggling to do anything. Being tired all the time. So my next question is has anyone had this experience and if so how have they dealt with it?

Maia, I spent most of my first thirty years in a state of chronic depression. Now I realize it wasn't clinical depression at all, but environmental depression. Since I am so different from NT's, I was the proverbial square peg trying to fit into the round hole. I had to make my own way, which meant concentrating on what I'm good at, living in a way that suits me, and not worrying about the rest. I'm now 51, and I haven't been depressed since my mid-thirties. My life is now something I never thought it could be: good.

Hello Maia, I agree with the Librarian about situational effects. Obviously to take benefits from this you will need to change your environment.

I have to offer a warning, if you have been on large doses of multiple medications for all this time you will have to be very careful about withdrawal effects. I am in no way qualified to give medical advice, but it does seem that many GPs will keep increasing dosage rather than try alternatives.

I recommend that you discuss this with a doctor before you change anything. If you do choose to reduce the dosage do it very gradually, taper the amount of drug slowly down over months. Many with Aspergers are very sensitive to drugs, and we are all affected differently too. You may have developed a tolerance to one of the drugs and you could be over medicated.

Additionally there may be a new condition that needs attention.

Last edited by neilson_wheels on 23 Jul 2013, 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maia, I agree completely with this. I have a friend who does suffer from clinical depression. He withdrew from all his meds, and he became almost completely nonfunctional. My advice would be to withdraw slowly, and only under your doctor's care.

Yup, your body system adjusted to them slow (Meds), and it needs to be weaned off slow.

Have you mentioned the tiredness to your doctor(s)? It could be side effect of meds, it could be depression itself, or something else entirely.

It can be looked at as troubleshooting process. When you are making changes its best to do one at a time, so you can monitor its effects alone. If even just two things are changed simultaneously (medication, situation) you can never tell what did it. So if you want to try coming off a medication, only do one at a time. Agree with above posters to do so with your doctors supervison. If your doctor is not agreeable to your wishes to investigate this, find another doctor if you can.

Not sure about the motivational void on your special interest. I get them too, and having more then one interest area helps a good percent of the time. We all do get burned out on things at least temporarily, sometimes you just need to recharge your batteries on a subject, and having a stable of interests to rotate thru can be useful.

Thanks for the advice. I think a big part of it is also having to interact with people when I'm really not up for it. I don't know if that would be under the category of environmental depression.
I notice when I havn't had to interact with people or feel obligated to do things, I am able to focus a lot better. Say if I had a day of interaction or socializing, even when that is finished I can't work but when I am completely on my own for the whole day I can work.
I'll definitely reduce the meds under my doctors supervision. It's just I was feeling particularly bad for the last few weeks because I was really put out of routine with a guest staying in my room and my room is my safe place. I'm sort of just floating around the place.
Is environmental depression the same as reactionary depression?

The environmental effects would be reactionary and are from external sources, being in a city when you prefer rural, socialising when you need to be alone, having someone stay in your room when you find it hard to share private space etc.

Clinical depression is physiological where you are not able to produce enough brain chemicals to moderate moods. A lack of serotonin and dopamine amongst others.

Obviously the former can cause the latter but not the other way around. worst case is a person is prone to clinical depression and find themselves in bad situations too which compounds the effects.

I believe many with Aspergers have low levels of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine which all help to keep moods higher.

The burnout feel is probably more related to anxiety. Mental energy is a massive consumption of the body's energy resources which is probably why you feel drained after a long period with others.

I hope you are able to get back to a better place soon.

EDIT - To rectify my mistakes.

Last edited by neilson_wheels on 24 Jul 2013, 1:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.

A guest in the house is very stressful, as are all interactions with people for many of us. Even if its a good situation, it still is very hard because it knocks us out of our comfort zone, which often involves a lot of private (solitary time). I often thought if I ever went to prison, I would prefer solitary. NTs think the isolation hard and even cruel. I would have to pretend I didn't like it so they kept me in it.

Many NTs don't understand this because they like interaction/socializing. Having people around them is their comfort zone.

It can be a real problem if it drives you to distraction, or in attempting to be by yourself you do things interpreted by NTs as rude. If the NT is a close enough friend to be told about the autism it can be something you teach them about yourself so they are not offended.

I definately relate to the mental exhaustion that comes with having to deal with people and how it drains you for the rest of the day. I couldn't focus on a hobby either and instead adopted a mindless sort of activity, usually a video game once they became available. And like a true Aspie always the same game.

I did find that if I totally focused on acting like an NT (the mask) I could become one in mind and body for extended periods. This was essential for going on long trips with people (sometimes months), having someone live with you, early stages in the military, etc. It wasn't too bad once you got into the routine of it, but it did mean setting aside some interests, and adjusting to the lack of personnel time. Sort of like weaning onto a med in a way. If I could I might keep an interest locked away where no one could see it, to be taken out in secret with the door locked. It sounds like I am hiding drugs, but it was little toy soldiers I would paint with careful detail. Many NTs would understand the drugs easier and think the soldiers childish/weird.

Kinda rambling here, but your post brought up many different thoughts.

Maia, have you tried Resperidol or Seroquel. Both helped me tremendously to cope with social interactions.

That's fine about the ramble toy soldier, were all here to help each other out. It's good to hear another persons thoughts- helps me learn how to deal with it better. I completely understand what you mean about isolation in a prison. And I also understand about the mask. I was that way for a few years. I didn't realize because I didn't even know then that I had Aspergers. I got very fed up of having to try so hard to keep it up. It's one of the things that led to the meltdown resulting in me having to leave college in January hence the change in routine.
Thanks for the info neilson_wheels- I have been told in the past that I am prone to reactionary depression resulting from things that have happened so I was just curious because from that point of view they sound like the same thing. I was briefly on seroquel a couple of years back but it got changed fairly quickly. I'm on lyrica now.

Maia - Sorry I'm having a confused day myself. I have reread my post after seeing your reply and realise I have made a mistake there. I have edited the post to remove the confusion, apologies again.