How do you tell whether a piece of advice is good or bad?

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icyfire4w5
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09 Jan 2013, 4:19 am

Hi all, I sometimes feel embarrassed that I have been opening multiple threads on WP so actively nowadays. Here I go again, opening another thread... My question is, "When you receive a piece of advice, how do you tell whether it is good advice or bad advice?" If you have some time to spare, feel free to read the big chunk of words below.

My story... (I have no choice but to change some details here and there because I suspect that some people whom I know have been lurking on WP.)

I emailed somebody in Dec about some issues that had been troubling me on-and-off for years. I told her as nicely as possible that she doesn't have to give me any advice; sharing her thoughts with me would do. She ignored my email. I later heard through the grapevine that she had already decided to treat me as invisible ever since I misinterpreted her "BUZZ OFF!" hints as "GET CLOSER TO ME!" hints. (Anyway, I'm a girl, so please don't tell me that she worries that I might have been crushing on her?) Anyway, she blogged recently and publicly a super duper long blog post that could be summarized as...
Forget about your past. Live in the present. Don't dwell upon any memory; good or bad. You can store nice memories in your heart but there is no need to dig these memories out every now and then. No need to get too emotionally attached to anyone unless that person is a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a very close friend.

I think that there is only a 0.0000000001% that this blog post is directed at me. Based on what I have observed and heard so far, I don't even worth a cent in her heart. My question is, "Do you think that those bolded bits are good advice or bad advice? Has anybody given you similar advice before?"



Toy_Soldier
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09 Jan 2013, 7:50 am

Its hard to tell whether advice is good or bad in general. One of the best ways to be more sure about advice is to get it from multiple trusted or at least objective people. If you see a trend in the advice then its at least giving you a concensus opinion.

That particular piece of advice has some faulty logic and conflicts with itself. Like someone trying to compose something meaningful without giving it any prior thought. Its a bit amusing how they say one should store treasured memories in there heart but never actually remember them. :?



Beauty_pact
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09 Jan 2013, 8:25 am

That is totally crappy advice. If you forget about your past, you will repeat the same mistakes, over and over, and if you only live in the present, you furthermore won't look ahead for what may be in store in the future, which will lead to even more mistakes, or missed opportunities. And what is the problem with "digging out" nice memories, every now and then? If you do not do that, you will become less happy, so why shouldn't you do that? Sounds like advice that is completely taken out of thin air, in an effort to sound "wise" or thoughtful, or whatever.

I don't think you should read her blog posts, anymore. You already have established, yourself, that she definitely does not care about you. And if she does not care about you, she doesn't deserve that you care about her, either, surely...? However, the reason for her wanting you to stay away from her may be that she thinks you either are a stalker, or maybe lesbian or bisexual... or whatever else she may have decided might be "wrong" with you. Sometimes, certain people simply get tired of some people, and want to move on without them, so they start to try to find faults in them. Unfortunately, people are very cruel, all too often. :/

As for how to tell if advice is good or bad.... unfortunately, you usually can't. All too often, people listen to advice that is completely rubbish. The best way to make the correct decisions usually is to listen to your own heart. Unfortunately, even that is completely unreliable, at times, but generally, it at least is better than to listen to what others think... unless it is about something like how to sell your house in the most optimal way, and other more static matters.



Ann2011
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09 Jan 2013, 10:19 am

icyfire4w5 wrote:
Forget about your past. Live in the present. Don't dwell upon any memory; good or bad. You can store nice memories in your heart but there is no need to dig these memories out every now and then.

Memories are part of what makes us who we are. You can't just erase them. I think this is a superficial statement with little meaning.

icyfire4w5 wrote:
No need to get too emotionally attached to anyone unless that person is a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a very close friend.

Sounds kinda cold to me . . . emotional attachments are part of friendships as well as as partnerships.

You really can't tell if advice is good or bad until you act on it (or don't act on it) and see what the results are. That's why it's important to get more than one opinion on a question. Then you can weigh the opinions and decide for yourself what to do.



deltafunction
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09 Jan 2013, 10:55 am

icyfire4w5 wrote:
Hi all, I sometimes feel embarrassed that I have been opening multiple threads on WP so actively nowadays. Here I go again, opening another thread... My question is, "When you receive a piece of advice, how do you tell whether it is good advice or bad advice?" If you have some time to spare, feel free to read the big chunk of words below.

My story... (I have no choice but to change some details here and there because I suspect that some people whom I know have been lurking on WP.)

I emailed somebody in Dec about some issues that had been troubling me on-and-off for years. I told her as nicely as possible that she doesn't have to give me any advice; sharing her thoughts with me would do. She ignored my email. I later heard through the grapevine that she had already decided to treat me as invisible ever since I misinterpreted her "BUZZ OFF!" hints as "GET CLOSER TO ME!" hints. (Anyway, I'm a girl, so please don't tell me that she worries that I might have been crushing on her?) Anyway, she blogged recently and publicly a super duper long blog post that could be summarized as...
Forget about your past. Live in the present. Don't dwell upon any memory; good or bad. You can store nice memories in your heart but there is no need to dig these memories out every now and then. No need to get too emotionally attached to anyone unless that person is a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a very close friend.

I think that there is only a 0.0000000001% that this blog post is directed at me. Based on what I have observed and heard so far, I don't even worth a cent in her heart. My question is, "Do you think that those bolded bits are good advice or bad advice? Has anybody given you similar advice before?"


It sounds like bad advice to me just because she is being very general here. She also doesn't say why you should follow that advice, probably because she just wants to live carefree and is trying to judge those who she finds annoying.

No one's given me that kind of advice before but I take any advice with a grain of salt and don't let it affect me too much if I didn't ask for any recommendations. Since it's a blog post, it doesn't sound as if she has your best interests at heart. It sounds more like she was trying to justify her own actions and feel better about herself by saying blanket statements in a space where most people wouldn't question it.

When taking advice, I try to consider why that person may be telling me what they are telling me and look for any supporting evidence that they may be right before trying it out. Then again I used to change for every tiny little bit of unsolicited advice from my family so I'm used to getting bad advice...



TEO
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12 Jan 2013, 10:22 pm

I think, as you do, that it's genuinely unlikely that she's referring to you in that post.

The emboldened part; well, it's a bit naff, isn't it? Live in the present? You'd be rich if you could do anything else. Store memories in your heart? Apart from the physiological undesirability of such an attempt your whole brain is built of memories and reflexes, you need to cope with memories rather than treat them like a collection of interesting seashells. No need to be emotionally attached? I have my own issues with that but I'd say that often emotional attachment (or lack of) is something that can't be consciously created.

I'd say that as advice her words are bad although harmless. She sounds like a wally to me :D

Incidentally; maybe I'm too liberal but what has your gender got to do with the likelihood of her thinking that you're making a play for her? ;)