What to do about an mother who is vindicitive and selfish

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I currently reside with my mother. You may say to yourself "What a loser", but due to economic realities I cannot move out. I live with a mother who has no concept about my diagnosis as Aspergers and and who has mental disorders herself but will never admit it. I describe her as the mom in "Everybody Loves Raymond."She still thinks that I am a littlle boy(and treat me as such) and not of a man who is in his late 20s who have some sort of respect. She uses emotional blackmail to get her way of getting me to do certain things. Emotional blackmail is a term meaning that she will cut me off of everything(including talking to me) if I do not do certain things, such as taking to her shopping. I find this extremely horrible but it seems that I fall into the trap everytime like a lemming. I feel that I am trapped in a situation that I do not have control over. I am stuck in a Catch 22. She will let me live my life but under her terms. I feel that it is very unhealthy and its only adding to the problems that I have. Can someone suggest anything?

I am in a very identical situation.

Tim

It's hard when parents don't see their adult children as such......ADULTS. It's ok for you to stand your ground and not give into her blackmail. If she refuses to speak to you, then so be it.I'm not saying be a jerk but be firm. I remember my mom being very angry with me over how I do Christmas as a result she won't come to my house for Christmas unless I have it when she says to.Sorry, my husbands side always had Christmas at 12:00 for lunch so that those of us with other families can go visit afterwords instead of having to rotate the holidays.She always liked this idea 'till I had Christmas at 12:00 when it was my turn.She won't come, thats fine, I go see her afterwords, but she has her holiday meal at 2:00 so I miss it, same with Thanksgiving. Although this year she had it alittle bit later so we ate with her. She has cried and accused me of favoring his family over her, but thats not true, she will always be my mother. But I stood firm, and now even though we disagree, we don't argue.I won't change how I do holidays because my children and husband don't want me to, and frankly, I prefer it this way.And I told her, I spend more time with her then my husbands side, so it's better for her. She didn't see that, but maybe she does now. Stand firm, don't fight,don't argue, if ignoring you is what she does.....great, let her be. She'll come around. In the mean time, I hope you find a way out of her home, then maybe she'll see you as an adult. It took my mom accepting me as an adult after I was married 11 years. But it took me being firm, loving, but firm.