Trying to stop hanging out with my friends...and it's HARD.

Post Reply New Topic

Okay,first off,you all know about my orientation and my religion,I asume.

I have-or had-4 friends:BB-chan,Haa-chan,Kam-kun,and my best friend,JJ-kun.I am trying to stop talking to and hanging out with them,and make better friends that I like better.I know that sounds horrible,but:

BB-chan: She still hasn't forgiven me for some things,and she still talks about me when she gets mad about things.

Haa-chan: I hate her the most. She gets her friends to flame me over AIM and on my blogs,and she does NOTHING about it.She thinks it's funny.Giving HER up shouldn't be too hard.


Kam-kun:He's just plain stupid and judge-mental.

JJ-kun: Giving up my best friend will probally be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. First of all,he knows about my orientation and religion.He says that he doesn't approve and he doesn't agree with it and he doesn't support it.Although,he DID say that he DOES support ME.And I get the feeling that he hangs out with me,because he feels like he HAS to(which he doesn't).Plus,he complains about me.


I made a promise to myself that will apply to the rest of my life,starting this year:NOTHING LESS.I know that these four people accept me atleast A LITTLE,which I'm lucky to get THAT.But,I know that I'm equal like everyone else and I deserve to be treated like a person.I know that I can do better than those 4 people.

So,I am going to stop talking to and hanging out with them.I've already deleted their numbers from my cell,and their email addresses from my address book.I will NOT call them,nor answer thier calls.

I should probally tell them out right that we shouldn't be friends anymore,but that will be too sudden,and it could cause a painful fight that will take years to get over.What I'm doing is giving us time to grow apart.They'll all be busy with school and college soon anyway,and I'll be busy trying to get a job and working on my GED.It sounds good to me.

I know that giving them up will be hard,but it's WORTH it.


-SpaceCase

If you haven't already, directly tell them what you posted here. Not "Our friendship is done" or anything like that, but in a way that shows you really aren't happy with how things stand, and if they can't see that, appreciate that, and at the very least discuss it with you, then it is done. If they get upset, well, that doesn't mean they weren't listening, they may need to think about it. If they want to talk about it, great. That's the best of both worlds. You keep your friend, and they treat you better to boot. If they think you're flat out attacking them, being insensitive, being dumb, being unreasonable, whatever, well... f**k em. Cut it off then and there. It'll be harder in the short term, better in the long run.

other than it being very odd that you're using Japanese honorifics when you're in Mississippi... it's pretty good that you want to get rid of people that you feel don't support you. i agree with shadexiii, and i'll say that it is very easy to end a friendship by severing all contact..

I'd say go for it. I recently went through something similar, you may have read my post. This person had become very high maintenance and needy, something I don't deal with well. Even though I ignore most of her e-mails, and never call her, she still keeps sending me "helpful" information about vitamins and such that I haven't expressed a need for. She's gonna be hard to shake, but I feel a lot better about myself when I'm not interacting with her.

...oh yeah, similar examples.

There was one girl in the fraternity I'm in (co-ed, professional fraternity, yay chemistry nerds) that for some reason or another I got really close to. I really cared a great deal about her, to the point where I really didn't mind the fact that at the time all we could be was friends. Didn't really bother me to think that could be all it ever was. I can't explain why, never have been able to. Most of the time just being around her put me in a better mood. So I did whatever I could to help her out, if possible. Even acted as her "advisor" of sorts in a judicial review hearing (court honor system stuff) before she got kicked out of school. (Kicked out of school? That doesn't sound like a great person... Oh it gets better.) Didn't manage to get her out of it, but I did my damn best to make sure it was at least fair. She had some people against her that were trying to place all the blame for some things on her. So she moved back in with her parents. She'd talk to me about things, about stuff going on in life, problems she was having, whatever, and I'd always do my best to be there for her in whatever capacity I could. She'd b***h about her boyfriend being an ass, go to me when she was having to deal with breaking up with him (however many times that turned out to be, like I said, whatever I could. Even offered to drive some 24 hours (that's straight driving) to kick his ass at one point after she called me really upset. (OK, I was being a bit ridiculous, I know.) From time to time she would give the impression that she was interested in me or something, but I did my best not to dwell on it. I even went up to visit her (after she had broken up with her boyfriend, no that's not why I went) a couple times. The first time, things started off OK. We went out to a bar, I had a couple drinks, she had about five or six. Then she said we were going to make a stop somewhere before going back to her parents house. Stopped at her ex's place. They fought, she tried to leave, slipped and hit her head on the ground. I did my best to make sure she was ok, he was too drunk to be of any use. Used what little medical knowledge I have on head injuries. She passed out in his bed, I had to sit next to him and watch top gun, then I finally managed to pass out. On his couch. Great. Next morning, she seemed "ok," but started to get a worse and worse headache. He was too busy to give a damn, so I wound up driving around trying to get her to a hospital. Took a while, she wanted to see her family doctor first (ON A SUNDAY, THAT DOESN'T WORK) then we went to the ER. About an hour later, her parents showed up. (An hour after she was admitted at least.) Asked me what happened. I had to tell them she slipped and hit her head. That was fun. Her parents actually seemed to respect and / or like me though, I have a feeling they didn't like her dead-end loser of an ex. I think he had dropped out of school and was working at a concession stand or something. Spent the whole weekend taking care of her. That's just one example of the s**t I've been through. She also sent me a cat for my birthday. Two friends of hers just showed up at my place, handed me a cat. Also expressed more interest in me, and then would accuse me of flat out expecting sex shortly thereafter, to which I would say no, I just miss you, and she'd call me either weird or gay. I think she still had the ex / boyfriend at the time. She kept stringing me on, trying to make me think she gives a s**t, and kept using me. I tried several times to cut her off, and it never worked. The latest thing that happened, she said she might come down for a weekend. Randomly. I said I was busy with fraternity stuff, so I wouldn't have lots of free time, but OK. She didn't come down, said plans had changed. When I asked why, she said it was because I didn't want her down there, to which I said that wasn't the case, just that I was going to be busy. I said that because I didn't want her to get there and think I didn't give a s**t. She then said she might get another chance around the weekend of the 15th of december. Never heard from her after that. Finally getting a message over the break asking for the mailing address I'd be at for around ten days. I think she's planning on mailing me the christmas present she had gotten me (supposedly) last year. (I gave hers to her long ago, didn't get one for her this year.) I've yet to respond to that e-mail, and I don't really plan to. I'm hoping that will be the last of it. I'll never be able to flat out forget her, thanks to the cat, even though I love him, as annoying as he can be at times. I just hope I can cut off contact with her. I'm tired of feeling used, strung along like some little puppet or play-thing, or pet.

Sorry if that's not encouraging. It isn't always easy, but I never really approached it directly. Still haven't. I guess this is an example of what could happen if you don't.

And yeah, I'm a hypocrite. I can't seem to take my own advice on some stuff. At times, I really wish I could.

EDIT: apologies for the lack of paragraphs in that >_< This isn't a subject I really enjoy, so I guess I kind of rushed through it and tried to keep it to the major points, and only a few for the sake of giving a complete enough example.

It's tough to have to give up on friends.