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Catharascotia
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25 Jan 2013, 12:30 am

I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but I used to cut myself. I haven't done so in like 9 months and haven't really felt the urge, but the scars remain, on my thighs--they are quite deep, and scar cream has faded them a bit but hasn't reduced the size.

Is it okay to wear shorts? They're not visible when I'm just walking around (except the oldest ones, which are very faded, though still raised) but can sometimes be seen if I sit and the shorts slide up a bit. I haven't worn a bathing suit in years because of this issue, and only this past summer did I get the confidence to wear shorts. No one said anything to me, but I don't know if they noticed. Should I never let anyone see them, ever? How judgmental are people about it? Will seeing the scars cause people to automatically run in the other direction, or will the fact that they're clearly old make it less of a big deal? Will people, even after knowing I've stopped, be wary of me because they're worried I'll do it again?



Schizpergers
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25 Jan 2013, 12:49 am

a common solucition to this problem is to get tattoos over the scars.



MountainLaurel
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25 Jan 2013, 1:00 am

When I see scars on other people; I never think they may be from self cutting; I assume they were caused through an accident or that they were attacked.



chris5000
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25 Jan 2013, 2:53 am

just tell people you scraped your leg on something if they ask.



Catharascotia
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25 Jan 2013, 3:04 am

There are a number of very deep scars in a number of places on both legs. I don't think it could be dismissed as "a cat scratched me" or "I scraped my leg" or something. That excuse has worked when people have only seen one set, but I can't think of something that would explain all of them, they cover much of my upper thighs, and they're VERY deep, I probably should have gotten stitches for several of them.



Sylant
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25 Jan 2013, 3:31 am

Schizpergers wrote:
a common solucition to this problem is to get tattoos over the scars.


I have never deliberately cut myself, but I do have tattoo's that have gone over scars and you wouldn't know they were ever there at all. It's a very effective way of hiding them if you're interested in tattoo's.

If you're more interested in short term solutions, using a skin tone foundation will cover them up as well.



YellowBanana
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25 Jan 2013, 5:42 am

I have scars on my arms and still self-harm (though it goes through phases). Although I prefer to keep them covered, especially if I have any fresh bruises or cuts, I have found that on the days I decide to wear short sleeves most people don't make any comment and they don't treat me any differently (as far as I can tell, maybe they do but I don't pick up on it). If people ask about it, I just shrug and say "I hurt myself ..." which I feel is non-committal (because I could have hurt myself by accident for example) but also the truth.

I just realised I gave my own experience but didn't answer your specific questions.

Quote:
Is it okay to wear shorts?


Absolutely. If you feel that you want to wear shorts then there is no reason why you shouldn't.

Quote:
Should I never let anyone see them, ever?


It's up to you. If you don't mind them showing, then don't let other people make you hide them. They are part of your story, part of who you are.

Quote:
How judgmental are people about it?


If they know what my scars are from, I haven't found people judgmental at all. I don't know how many people know they are from self-harm - like I said, I just say "I hurt myself" without being specific. If they are a self-harmer themselves they probably know and will understand. If they're not, they probably have no clue what they are from.

Quote:
Will seeing the scars cause people to automatically run in the other direction,


Have never seen any evidence of this.

Quote:
or will the fact that they're clearly old make it less of a big deal?


See above...it has never seemed like it's a big deal for people who see mine. Maybe they just good at hiding it.
I think it's more about how you deal with the issue that makes a big deal or not. If you think it's a big deal or behave oddly to try to hide them then that will make it more obvious to others.

Quote:
Will people, even after knowing I've stopped, be wary of me because they're worried I'll do it again?


This is assuming they know how you got the scars in the first place, of course. It will depend on the person. My husband is always worried I'll self-harm again (but we deal with it and of course he isn't wary of me!), and a couple of other people know about it, but don't seem wary at all... just supportive.


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Last edited by YellowBanana on 25 Jan 2013, 1:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dantac
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25 Jan 2013, 11:18 am

Catharascotia wrote:
I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but I used to cut myself. I haven't done so in like 9 months and haven't really felt the urge, but the scars remain, on my thighs--they are quite deep, and scar cream has faded them a bit but hasn't reduced the size.

Is it okay to wear shorts? They're not visible when I'm just walking around (except the oldest ones, which are very faded, though still raised) but can sometimes be seen if I sit and the shorts slide up a bit. I haven't worn a bathing suit in years because of this issue, and only this past summer did I get the confidence to wear shorts. No one said anything to me, but I don't know if they noticed. Should I never let anyone see them, ever? How judgmental are people about it? Will seeing the scars cause people to automatically run in the other direction, or will the fact that they're clearly old make it less of a big deal? Will people, even after knowing I've stopped, be wary of me because they're worried I'll do it again?


You could use 'sticker tattoos' ..you know, the ones that wash off after a few days to cover them up when you decide to wear shorts or a bathing suit. You can find waterproof ones easily enough.

For cutting urges: Your body gets addicted to endorphins. Cutting is 'high' on endorphin generation and I believe the only thing that tops it is an orgasm. However, you can get your endorphin kick by eating hot peppers. Habaneros, Jalapenos...depends on your tolerance level.

Way to do it is get a small amount of each...from the not so hot to the very, very hot ones. Start low and always have a large glass of milk with you.

You do not want to eat the not so hots and work resistance to the pepper and weeks later move up to the next hottest one. no. You want to replace the cutting with the peppers.

What you do is you sit down with your very large glass of milk and a bunch of each of the peppers. Eat two of the less spicy ones...wait a bit taking small sips of milk to stop the burn from overwhelming you... dont pop the whole thing in your mouth, nibble the things down. You want to extend the experience of biting into the pepper and feeling the heat of it (thats when endorphins are released) but you dont want to feel the horrible burn in the mouth (no endorphins, thats just pain) and that is why you have the milk with you.

The milk will also 'reset' your heat level in the mouth. washes off the parts of the pepper that normally anesthesize your taste buds.

Then nibble down two of the next spicier ones..same process. Nibble, sip of milk, nibble, sip of milk... large gulp of milk when both are done. Then onward to the next spicy one, repeat.

What this does is it increases constantly the release of endorphins. It is very similar to cutting in that way. When you think about it, people that cut start with superficial cuts and then go deeper as the cutting session progresses. Its the same effect with the hot peppers.

...unlike cutting however, eating peppers has lots of benefits. No scars, you build up resistance to spicy foods (amaze your friends!) after a long while and peppers have excellent health benefits. :)



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25 Jan 2013, 12:40 pm

I keep my arms close to my body, and I seem to think they go unnoticed this way.


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Entek
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25 Jan 2013, 2:50 pm

You'l be surprised to hear that most people wont notice. I have frequently got scars on my arms and not one person noticed, not even my partner.
Now im on my own there is less chance of anyone seeing them at all, but in general when your out and about the general public wont see them.



Ann2011
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25 Jan 2013, 5:55 pm

I have scars running down both my arms from my shoulders to my hands. I find that when people see them, they know exactly where they came from and I will receive a look of disgusted confusion. To avoid this, I never wear short sleeves . . . I have a collection of really light long sleeved cotton blouses that I wear in the summer heat. Even when I go swimming I throw a blouse over my shoulders until I get into the water.
I have considered tattoos, but I really don't like them. And I wouldn't get them just to cover up scars - to me, that is making a bad situation worse.
People I know intimately are aware of the cause of the scars and they are accepting of them and me.

I have seen other people with scars that I presume are from self-harming and they seem comfortable showing them. I think it depends on your personality as to how you deal with. Do what you feel comfortable with.



chris5000
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25 Jan 2013, 7:41 pm

Catharascotia wrote:
There are a number of very deep scars in a number of places on both legs. I don't think it could be dismissed as "a cat scratched me" or "I scraped my leg" or something. That excuse has worked when people have only seen one set, but I can't think of something that would explain all of them, they cover much of my upper thighs, and they're VERY deep, I probably should have gotten stitches for several of them.

make up a story about how you fell off a motorcycle or got in a car accident or you had a bad fall riding a bike.



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26 Jan 2013, 6:24 pm

Wear whatever you like. If other notice the scars and have a problem with it, that's their problem. If you're out and somebody's like "ermagherd! wai u do that?" you just ignore them. The past is the past. You shouldn't be forced to stay there.