What did my mum mean?

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My grandma died of cancer in 1997 when I was 7 years old.

When I was 16 I was crying in front of my mum over her death. My mother then said too me "now James she liked you a lot but at the end of the day she only cared about herself". My mum went on too say. "She was a very selfish in that respect"

Why do u think my mum said that too me when I was crying over death?

Sounds like your mother and grandmother had unresolved issues. Regardless, those issues are between them and shouldn't affect you or your grieving process.

My grandma and my mum did have a small argument once... My gran was not showing much sensitivity over my 4 year old brother being ill with kidney problems.

This was an issue from seven years ago. I am surprised you held on to that for this long. No judgment or criticism intended.

I can't tell you what your mother was thinking when she said that. But if your grandmother was insensitive then that probably has something to do with the explanation of selfishness. I must ask you now if you really want to find out some answers, you must do so without judgment and with an open mind. If you don't want to know, I would let it go.