Recently, my family, consisting of my mum, my dad and my older sister, have been making me feel absolutely dreadful. At least, I think it's them who are making me feel bad!
I'll try to be as unbiased as possible about this, but in reality I feel only rage towards them.
I went to Newcastle to see my grandparents with my dad and sister at the beginning of this week and we left on a bad note as my mum shouted the house down and didn't say goodbye to me so everyone was feeling on edge. When we stopped at a service station, I complained that I didn't want to hold the dog outside while they went in, and my dad said that I was being a 'f*****g a***hole', 'your feelings don't matter to me, you're at the bottom of the pile' and that he 'didn't give a s**t whether I bought food or not'. Bear in mind, however, that we had argued a lot beforehand and we were already feeling angry towards each other. My sister told me that I was just 'being a prick' and that she finds everything I do 'stupid'.
Despite all that, we tried really hard to get along whilst at my grandparents' house, but we came to blows when I mentioned I want to move out as soon as possible when we were out. I had discussed this the week before too. They said that I had no skills, no money, wasn't independent at all and would be better off at home. I said I really didn't give a crap because I wanted to get away, because at this point I was getting so angry.
They had also been incredibly controlling with the amount I had eaten on the trip as I have suffered from Anorexia Nervosa in the past. I realise this may be to help but when I complained of feeling ill, they said it was all in my head and must be the Anorexia.
When we returned home, I got progressively more ill until I couldn't sleep last night due to incredibly painful diarrhoea. I feel like I'm going to vomit constantly too, as if my whole digestive system is being attacked. On top of this, I get chills, fever, dizziness and cannot eat or drink anything. I had woken up yesterday feeling awful, and had taken it out on them by telling them exactly how I felt, in a very aggressive way, which I'm not proud of. This morning though, my mum asked how I was, and I said not good and that my sister had called me a 'p****' the night before for thinking it was a norovirus. She shouted at me, saying all I did was moan and that I needed to 'f**k off'. I told my dad not to use the towels as they had germs on them, and he said for me to stop being so critical (?). My sister then came out of her room and shouted at me for waking her up and being ridiculously over the top, even though I feel seriously unwell.
I'm not perfect, I do provoke them sometimes, but I don't believe this is right behaviour at all. Is it?
Thanks.
30 Mar 2013, 4:46 am
