Low Point

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Hi,

Things have been going downhill since September and have been extremely low since late December. Being depressed isn’t a new thing for me, as you can see in a previous post where I spoke about my last encounter 2 years ago, but I’m more concerned this time because I’m now more aware of myself and the world than I was then, yet I genuinely feel as if there is little or no hope for the future. In normal circumstances for someone my age, it would be considered as something that would pass quickly and easily or extremely irrational thinking. I have had suicidal thoughts in this period, but not at the time of posting. Below I list why I feel depressed, and sceptical about the future.

-The most major issue at the moment I feel is confidence. This has been a pressing problem for over two years, and has come down significantly from last summer. At the moment I’ve scarcely been alone even indoors, and I haven’t leisurely ventured out of the house alone for some three years. This also affects the social skills I have. Whilst they have improved somewhat in the past year, actually putting this into practice with everyday life outside of family relatives has been hard.

-What I feel is the second most major issue is future exam and job prospects, which in a way tie-in to the first issue. I personally feel fairly inept, despite people saying otherwise. I feel that I am intelligent generally, but when it comes to specific subjects that lie outside my interests, things are very difficult. I don’t feel that I could cope in a work environment in the future.

-The third issue is that I feel extremely out of touch with the world, for two reasons. Firstly, I don’t really have preferences in anything that people like to talk about, for example music, film, television or books. As an aside, sometimes I feel when I read a book or watch or listen to something, I find it difficult to tell others what I think about them. This is probably because of past events where people have condemned and ridiculed my interests and thoughts. The second issue at the moment is that I don’t have any friends who are close to my age or live nearby. I do attend a youth group for people with AS but, again, because of confidence issues I find it difficult to communicate.

The reason for writing this post is probably so that I can put out my thoughts somewhere, even if nobody is really that interested, but replies are appreciated, especially if they help towards lifting from this low period soon.

Hello, I am interested. Best thing to do is volunteer. What is your special interest, anyway?

I'd say you are exceptionally intelligent and self-aware for your age. When I was 15, I had an IQ of 165 but I couldn't formulate a thought into a coherent sentence, much less construct a well thought out post like yours.

I know this is easy for me to say, but you need to reject negativity. Your post just reeks of it, it sounds like you are your own worst enemy. Trust me, as an old guy I can tell you for sure that the future is not as certain as it seems to you now. If you keep yourself open to ALL possibilities, magic can happen, but it's up to you to create the environment for it.

I'd suggest looking into something like Mindfulness Meditation(google it) to start learning some techniques to create a little distance from the stream of your thoughts so you can start to see the negativity yourself, then hopefully you can learn to move away from it. Be positive. What do you have to lose? Why not believe that in the future anything is possible?

Well-organized post...

If you are concerned with confidence, I have found that a good way to build it is to do something more difficult. For example, if you wish to make friends, find an attractive girl you've never met and ask her out. She will probably turn you down and nothing bad will happen.

You mention that you are worried about functioning in a professional environment, based on a difficulty learning skills that you are not interested in. This is an extremely common problem. If you can gain even a small ability to do things you don't want to or develop an appreciation for things that don't interest you at first you will have a tremendous advantage. I suspect each person's best solution will be different, but I have found that making a habit of doing useful things with an emphasis on learning skills that I can practice and benefit from has worked for me.

As for disconnection...I've never been that connected either. As time goes by, I am less and less interested in doing anything about this.

On a final note, you seem like you are introspective (at least some times) and good at reasoning things out. You may benefit from examining your thought process as it turns in directions you like or dislike and be able to use that information to encourage it in the directions you prefer.