When I was a kid I always wanted a pet, but my parents had different ideas...when they finally allowed me to have a cat I was so happy...so lovely...15 days later he died in front of my house, under the car of a neighbour of mine
I just couldn't stop crying, and in the following 2 months i kept on losing my hair in the back of my head... It was hard, even if I had him only for 15 days, so I can imagine how hard it can be for you.
When you have to face a serious loss, a good advice is trying to handle the memory of the beloved with a playfulness attitude .
Hope you can understand despite my poor english
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"If a man doesn't keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away" (H. D. Thoreau, Walden)