To any enemies I've made on this board in the past...

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I know I've stepped on a LOT of toes on this forum board in the 5 years I've been a member, Case in point:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp1255661 ... t=#1255661 (contaminating a tongue depressor)
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp1370103 ... t=#1370103 (the most infamous one of all I feel)
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp1548582 ... t=#1548582 (my father's Pancreatic Cancer is treatable after all)
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp1730376 ... t=#1730376
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp1956121 ... t=#1956121 (not father related, but it still managed to step on a LOT of toes)
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp2457289 ... t=#2457289
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp2806118 ... t=#2806118
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3101282 ... t=#3101282 (probably the worst 'father-hate' rant, for an offense so small)

And these were all from my old username!

I might have had some father rants as my current profile, but nothing that would really warrant flat out hate from my fellow Wrong Planeteers.

I just want to say, I'm sorry for all the grief and drama I caused. This isn't me...I'm not a hateful person by nature; I just have so much bottled up inside me.

I'm not asking you to forgive me...I just want you all to know, for all the times I've reeked vitriol, and for all the future times I'll surely let off more...I'm sorry.

Fluttershy11

I just perused some of those old posts. Seems like you had a lot of anger issues. My understanding is it's a trait of borderline personality disorder.

In real life, and even on the internet, I've ran into people with uncontrollable anger. You say something benign to them and they're ready to hand your ass to you. When you see them approach you have to tread lightly lest they chop your head off. I worked with a girl like that. She was in a car accident which left a 4 inch scar on her face. Pretty girl, too. But angry? Oy! Her veins were dripping with vitriol. Such anger must be like a cancer. It can do nothing but devour you from inside. I try my best to understand, and even pacify, people like that. In the end it doesn't work, though. Their anger just boils and bubbles out of them like a pot of soup on a hot stove. Tragic. Sometimes all I can do is hang my head walk away. I'm no magician. A clown, maybe, but no magician.

Fluttershy-

I know I'm likely to produce a rant from this, but I'm writing it anyway.

It's not cool to tell people, "sorry in advance, but I'm going to be offensive." How sorry are you if you know you'll do it in the future, but don't a least try to do what it might take to NOT do it in the future (therapy comes to mind)?

People don't deserve to be exposed to other people's spew. When you are someone's friend, you often listen to their angst-filled rants, but after several rants in the same vein, even friends don' put up with that anymore.

I'm sorry for what has produced your anger. I understand what it's like to be furiously angry. But please, for yourself and everyone else in our life, find someone who can actually help. f you like, I will even try to fnd someone in your area to help you.

Wishing you the very best.

Yeah, I've heard of that before; it's called IED - Intermittent Explosive Disorder. I think I might have that myself. A person with IED is a ticking time bomb, and only THEY can see the timer...you never know what'll make them blow up.

*nods* You make a good point, Mahogany. It's like asking someone to promise not to be offended; they can say they promise, but they're natural instinct might be to get offended anyway, and then through no fault of their own, they'd have broken their promise.

I suppose the reason why I apologize, then advertise offensive stuff, is because I feel that apologizing before-hand excuses me from any blame. Well, it doesn't. I'm still a horrible person for subjecting others to my personal dramas, and all the 'sorry's in the world doesn't change that.

I have undergone therapy since those times, and I am getting better...mostly.

Thank you for your encouraging words

Fluttershy11

"I'm still a horrible person"

Ouch! Be nice to yourself! You came here in this post with good intentions. That is more than can be said of lots of angry people not trying to better themselves. At least you are doing your best to make amends... that means something in my eyes.

As for borderline personality disorder - not all people with it walk around bubbling anger. It is believed to be that way but there are several "cluster" types and it shouldn't be that it lumps them all together. I add this part because I am diagnosed with it - while I can be emotional I am usually a basket case with self hate and low self opinion. Quite different than loathing and spewing anger at other people. I am finding myself ouched unintentionally by peoples views of this disorder. So I figure beest to speak up than to bottle it up

Fluttershy - I admire your efforts to change.

Hi
I read your previous posts, and am happy for you that things are improving.
It must have felt awful for you to have that level of anger over little things.
I hope life continues to improve for you, and that you seek more therapy if you feel that way again