Death of a friend

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I used to see death as a horrible thing, but I've learnt to accept that it's a part of life.
I don't get scared or sad at the thought of it.
I discuss death a lot with another Aspie I know in real life.
But then my friend Tristan who has been battling cancer for the last 2 years died yesterday morning.
The last time someone close to me died was 7 years ago.
I cannot process the emotions in my head.
When I heard the news I didn't cry at all, I felt a little upset but that was it.
Then I grew increasingly shaken at the thought of never seeing Tristan's smile or talking to him ever again.
I started thinking about all the things we did together and our conversations.
Then I started crying.
5 minutes later I stopped and I was back to feeling nothing.
Today I saw a photo of him on my facebook and I felt upset looking at his face.
I don't know what to do or what I feel.
I'm very confused.

RIP Tristan, you little man with a big heart. X

condolences, I feel sorry for you...

It's always horrible to lose someone you love.

[img][800:1879]http://www.wikihow.com/images/3/3d/Pay-Your-Respects-when-Someone-You-Know-Dies-Step-4.jpg[/img]

Thank you both.
I am still very confused about what I feel and how I'm dealing with his death.

I think that's very natural, even if you accept death as part of life (or even if you can't accept it). It confuses all of us, and at the end of the day, whether you would feel emotional about it normally or not, someone important to you is still missing.

I'm so sorry, I hope you will be able to process it, grieve if you need to, and remember him well and feel alright.

I think what confuses me is that he'll never smile again or talk to me.
I look at the facebook messages we used to send each other and I know I'll never get anymore from him, and he's gone, never waking up again.
It confuses me that he isn't living anymore and there's just a gap now where he used to be in my life.
But thank you.

When I lost one of my friends to suicide in 2005 I didn't know what to feel, either. Oftentimes it's not so straightforward as to just break down, cry, and get over it because of how complex someone's effect on our lives can be and because tragedy can shock us into a sort of disbelief. It just seems so unreal when a human being of all things is suddenly gone from your life - that's what happens to socks, or wallets, or discs. I didn't really start to react to my own friend's death until a few months after it happened and I didn't finish resolving it emotionally until 2012.

I'm sorry you have to go through this... Don't beat yourself up over your feelings, though. They'll come when they're ready and no sooner.

I lost my first ever REAL friend nearly two years. He's on my signature. He wasn't a person but still he was someone important to me. My grandfather died nearly 5 years ago, and not even a year later my grandmother died. I miss them all. I have moments especially Father's Day that I cry and cry over my grandfather. Holidays are horrible for me. At my grandfather's funeral I did cry and sometimes held it in. At the wake I didn't cry. I was still sad but also in shock because I never I never saw a dead body before. I did lose a co worker a long time ago. He died in a car crash and he was 21. We actually liked each other. He would run across the street to the nearby mall to get us lunch. He was a smoker but I didn't quite mind that. He was so sweet and had this Southern accent. He did get let go at the job for reasons I'm not too sure of. One day when I came into the office the med tech was frantic and told me that Gary died. I was in shock. I didn't know! I would have gone to his wake and funeral. He would be 34 now. I had to quit the job after knowing he died. It was too hard for me to continue not seeing his bright smile as he came into work. I only saw him every Sunday but that was cool. When someone is nice to you at work it makes your job happy.

I'm so sorry for the death of your friend. Some days you may be happy and not think about his death. Other times you may just all of a sudden start crying. Maybe a song that he likes come on the radio and you start crying? Or maybe you see something at the mall that reminds you of him. Things like that can trigger sadness or happiness.

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I've adopted the same way of thinking when it comes to death. It made the loss of my dad more tolerable that way.

That sounds familiar. I've thought of it before as being hard to feel the difference between the person not being here right this moment and them not being here at all. My brain at first thinks, hey, I don't see them every day anyway, this is just like the gap until the next time we meet. And then maybe they don't show up that time, but surely they are just off somewhere else, doing something else. They must be around somewhere. We continue to feel like that emotionally despite what we know rationally.

I don't know, maybe that feeling actually helps us adjust, maybe that's not a bad thing. I'm so sorry, I'm glad you got to know each other though.

Thanks Anni, and glad to be of help if I have been / can be.

Thank you all.
I think my mind's finally made it that it's upset and it's hit me hard now.
I can't help but cry when I hear my friend's name and my heart aches.
I'm going to his funeral this coming Tuesday.

I hope the funeral helps you gain at least a little closure. Maybe talk to someone else there about missing him if you feel comfortable.