Insulting sh** doctors say...

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Me: "I don't want to have to claim for disability."
Dr Ass: "Disability? I think you'd be hard pressed to convince anyone there's anything wrong with you."

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Dr Ass: (reading CT scan results confirming a broken disc after complaining of back pain for 2 years) "Congratulations! That back pain, you weren't imagining it."

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Me: "The psychiatrist said he thought I had Asperger's Syndrome, so I need a referral to follow up."
Dr Ass: "Well, if you do it must be *very* mild."

[the later, when making fun of me] "Sorry, must be *my* Asperger's acting up."

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Me: "I was able to eliminate most of my RLS symptoms by turning off the electric hot water heater and other appliances near the bedroom."
Dr. Ass: "Can you tune in radio with your teeth?"

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As vulnerable people, I think it's very common to be abused by doctors for whatever reason. And since finding a "better" one is a bit like hoping to win the lottery, they continue to be overpaid for what they do and treated like royalty.

If you've had any other horribly comical things said to you in a doctor's consultation, feel free to share! It might make you feel better.

DR: "I never give anybody your age that test because I've never seen anybody your age get a positive on it."

ME: "If you've never given anyone my age the test then how would you have seen anyone my age get a positive on it?" (no, I didn't actually say that, just insisted I wanted the test, regardless)

[...1 week after positive on test...]

DR: "You know, after I saw your positive I was referred a woman your age for that same test and she also scored a positive. I never would've given her that test if I hadn't seen your result!"

ME: ":roll:"

I see that you're all with Kaiser-Permanente, too...

DR: "You can't possibly have Asperger's Syndrome, because you don't wet the bed, play with fire, or torture small animals."

There just isn't enough facepalm in the entire universe to cover that one.

I'm always amazed when I hear all these stories of people whose Doctors/Psychiatrists don't think they've got Asperger's Syndrome

Here in the UK you'd be lucky to find a Dr/Psychiatrist/anyone who even has a clue what Asperger's Syndrome or Autism is!

The only chance you've got of a person having the slightest knowledge of the condition's existence is if one of their relatives or friends has it

You don't become a doctor based on being well adjusted. There are plenty of really bizarre doctors out there.

"You available for anal Friday night, b***h?"

"Well if you wanted to get better you would try this anti-depressant." This was of course after I went in to depth about why I was uncomfortable about trying it but she just disregarded it and said that.

I was in hospital three months ago (had to get something really gross removed, I won't say it because just thinking of it grosses me out)

Nurse: Now come here for a blood test. You're not scared of needles, are you?
Me: No... uhh... I mean yes! MUM!
Nurse: Don't go crying for your mummy to hold your hand, you're sixteen!

I'm double-covered for Kaiser-Permanente. Kill me.

I'm sorry, but you'll have to see a specialist for that...

Some surger I had when I was 20 cured me of needles for a long, long time. They kept giving me morphine for several days afterwards which meant that all I felt was the needle going in. As soon as the morphine went in, the needle didn't hurt at all. After a few of those, I couldn't even feel the needles going in.

Overall, the morphine wasn't a good solution. Every time they gave me shot, I was stick at my stomach and would throw up whether there was anything to throw up or not. Throwing up shortly a day after they had cracked my chest open hurt like hell.

...and we only book specialists for [dripping with contempt] "confirmed" cases.

I'll never forget being in the children's hospital having to get my teeth all drilled out (like a root canal) and capped and the quack dentist was screaming and yelling at me to sit still. I was 7 years old and scared like you wouldn't believe. He was so loud my mother came charging in and promised me he would behave. I'll never forget what an absolute jerk he was and at that age I couldn't figure out why he was yelling at me so loud for.

My family doctor is usually an arrogant ass but to my major shock, he seemed impressed with my Asperger research and he seemed to understand Autism and how it's a spectrum and didn't doubt me when I told him "It's not a case of needing a diagnosis: I know with almost near certainty I have it and just wondered if I should get formal confirmation".

I once had a licensed therapy try to tell me that my issues of being socially awkward were the result of my homosexuality, and that if I suddenly decided to switch to heterosexuality, that would solve most of my problems.

He also was asking me many questions about how gay men meet other gay men for sex. I think he was fascinated and horrified at the same time.

Maybe he was trying to get you to ask him for a date, so that he could not be charged with harassment for asking you instead.

After get my blood results back from Lab(I was 290lbs at this time and I have to insist to get these tests done):

"Why don't you have High Cholesterol? Why don't you have Diabetes? Why don't you have High Blood Pressure?"

My Answer:

"You are the Doctor you tell me!"