Rape flashbacks, random kisses and disgust with life.

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OK. Ill start the story off one year ago, when while I was on a date with some guy, he forced me to receive in anal sex with him. It's taken me awhile, but all in all I can keep the memories from taking control of me pretty well. I feel a bit terrifiied of sex now but ive gotten over it pretty well. And I resolved that I would never feel that way again.

Now fast forward one year later. Im at prom having a great time, when a certain transgendered "friend" of mine, who has repeatedly tried to get me to go out with him, grabs me and kisses me in a really forceful manner, jamming his tongue into my mouth. All of a sudden I kept flashing back on being raped and I felt the same wayy and pushed him away. Than he got all apologetic and somehow made me feel guilty and Iended up slowdancing with him. Anyways I feel disgusted and terrible and I hope one day,ill be able to look back on prom and remember more than that.

I've read one of your previous threads about this. I'm sorry that something so traumatic happened to you, especially at your age. I hope that you will be able to overcome this one day.

Have you told anyone or considered therapy?

Ive vented about it to a few friends. I may tell my mother, but Im afraid she worries about me enough as is.

Being hurt does have different stages. The actual injury occurs in a relatively short time, but the healing process can take a very long time. But even after the the injury has healed over, you can have scarring that causes pain from time to time and is permanent. I am actually talking about a physical injury, but I find mental injuries can behave remarkably similiar.

If you wonder if you can get to a place of enjoying things again the answer is yes you can. A little older, some scars now, a little wiser about people. Don't mean to trivialize it, but a line from a film did come to me as I wrote. "It's a dangerous world out there Frodo".

If your mother is someone who worries an awful lot, then it may be best to save her from the distress of knowing ... but you likely know better than anyone else how she'd handle it, so do what you feel is right.

I do think that you should consider seeing a professional therapist, though. Everything would be kept confidential.

That's a lot of trauma to deal with. I'm sorry. Could you find a confidential counsellor, without having to tell your parents? I had trouble telling my parents whenever anything bad happened to me. I still do now, even though I'm living independently.

Ztrain is legally considered to be an adult, so I'm sure that most counsellors/therapists wouldn't reveal any details without his consent.