They think they know me.

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I'm really trying to figure things out and I'm doing my utmost to stay sane/to not give up. I'm trying to find answers but some people (not talking about any of you) just make me want to never speak to another human being about personal things ever again. They make me want to crawl back into my "shell". They make me want to isolate myself even more. Some people make me so tired. They think they know me. They don't. They assume things but they're wrong.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

I think that I give up at least a dozen times a day, but somehow I manage to keep going in spite of everything. The hard part is having to deal with people around me, like my partner. She has learned the hard way just to ignore me at times. Even so, I still try to avoid other people as much as possible. What's important is to understand yourself. Others don't matter much. Most of the NT's will never be able to understand us totally, nor we them. That's just the way it is I guess. Our brains simply work differently (better IMNSHO). My partner and I have been together for 14 years now and although she says that she understands me, I know that she really doesn't. It's something I have learned the hard way after years of trying to explain things to her. I have just learned to keep a lot of things to myself.

What happens exactly that makes you feel that way?

I'm just trying to figure out why I've never felt good and why my life is such a chaotic mess but people just tell me I imagine things. That I might be faking or that I might have read too much about things (ASD for example) and that I, because of my anxiety, have "decided" that I've got ASD when I in fact don't have it. I don't know if I've got it and the thing about faking is something I worry about frequently but I would never intentionally do such a thing. People keep misunderstanding and they keep saying people with ASD are ret*d and that I'm not "ret*d enough" to be autistic etc. People with ASD are not ret*d. Sure, the people who tell me these things are not professionals but I can't help but to get even more confused when they tell me I'm faking. What if I am? What if I don't know what's true anymore?

I'm so tired of people not understanding and I'm so tired of people in general. When I try to share (which I've only done over the past year or so) they keep telling me that what I feel is completely normal, that everyone goes through these things, that they know how I feel etc. Why do they think they know me? They have no idea what's going on inside my head. I don't think being diagnosed with three anxiety disorders and depression is "normal" and something "everyone goes through". I'm going to get formally assessed for ASD soon-ish but right now, because people tell me I'm probably faking and I can't help but to maybe believe them (which is stupid), I just feel like emailing the experts and tell them that I'm probably just a very neurotic/anxious and highly introverted person who was too smart for her peers back when she was a child, which has resulted in a constant feeling of being different.

Perhaps I should even stop writing at forums like this. Perhaps I should never speak to another human being about my thoughts and feelings ever again. A lot of people have a tendency to eventually just let you down anyway.

Rant over.

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ASDsmom, I'm sorry if my previous post made me sound rude or annoying etc. My point is that life is difficult. Not only because I'm feeling loads of negative things but also because all my issues cause other problems. I've failed about 50% of this year at college, I find it hard to take care of myself properly, I don't sleep well, I'm scared of "normal" situations etc etc.

I'm really trying my best to share with people nowadays, it's just really frustrating that no matter how hard I try people (who I talk to in real life) always respond in the same sort of way. That what I go through is normal. You say I need do explain things better but I don't know how to. Any advice?

Anyway, sorry if I sounded rude. Didn't mean too. I'm just desperate.

I didn't think you sounded rude at all.. or annoying. Maybe your best option is to seek someone professional to help you through these issues because your circle of friends/family don't seem to understand. Sometimes you have to be in a similar state in order to truly understand what someone is going through.