What should I doooooooooooooo?

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Sometimes, I wish I was the opposite gender. But now that I'm 21, it feels like it's too late. Ok, it's not, but going through all that's needed to transition at this point would be too much. >_<
Then sometimes, I suppose I'm fine with my gender. I personally don't think my gender identity issues are as bad as those who go through with it, but every now and again, it can be pretty annoying. It just feels like I should have done this at the age of 10, but I was too ignorant and unsure back then. I don't know. Maybe this will pass by again soon for a while.
Just writing this because while I'm not drunk, I do have alcohol running inside me making this much easier to write. Just need to let this out. ):

Issues if I go through with this:
-Family having to adjust to this
-Idiots
-Money
-Passing (this is personally a big one)
-Waiting forever and ever until they would send me to an encrod... however you spell the person who gives you hormones... and that's if they even send me

Issues if I don't
-Suffering from at least mild gender dysphoria every now and again
-Letting gender stereotypes get to me
-Finding it harder to do a few certain things

Life in general would just feel a lot better if I just woke up the opposite gender; cisgender and everything. But we all know that's not going to happen. Then I've been contemplating living a second life somehow, but I just care too much what others would think! ):

Now that that's out, hopefully the suppression of stuff like this won't be as bad. Yeah, since I'll wake up tomorrow without alcohol inside my body, reading the replies (if any) to this won't be easy.

Gosh, social anxiety sucks!

p.s - I was actually seeing a therapist last year, but then I sooner or later got the hint that my mother didn't want me to go anymore, so because of that, it's just unlikely...

Work really long hours and save a lot of money, so that if you become certain that you want to change gender you will have some of the funds to start the process.

It's a personal decision (elective) and the medical costs are paid by the patient. You don't expect that anyone else but you will pay for it, do you?

Thanks to my mother, I'll no longer be a neet this year, so that will help. It won't be until at least a few years until that sort of money is made though, and a lot of sacrafices would have to be made, but I suppose I personally wouldn't mind that since no one would know. Thanks for posting. (:

Forgive me if I sound too technical to begin with, I think its important to get this out of the way first. Hormone treatment at 21 is not going to do anything for you as far as changing body shape or look. At best, if you were male to female, the best you could get is breast tissue growth but that is about it. Female to male treatments will not cause changes in hair, body shape or facial/body hair growth. Female to male at 21 at best will simply make your face greasier and your personality more aggressive (only for as long as you take the hormones). To really change body shape the hormones need to be taken at early puberty when the bones shape themselves into their sex-determined shapes & functions and the muscle tissues tone according to the sex-determined shape.

That being said, you mentioned you are ok with your gender but seem to 'switch' at times. That's alright..gender is not a biological definition. YOU define it for yourself and society/culture gives you templates to follow. In your case, simply break those templates. You're you no matter if you feel feminine one day or manly the day after.

For these issues you would benefit a lot more from visiting a therapist than having any form of hormone treatment. Think about it... its your perception of yourself not of your body... even if you took a magic super-hormone and turned you from being a woman into a man (or vice versa) you'd still wake up some days feeling like you were the opposite gender of what your body currently displays.

Just because your mother doesn't want you seeing a therapist isn't a reason to stop. You're 21. Its your life and your issue. Take ownership of it and deal with it the way YOU need to..not your mom.

I'm sorry but all of that information is complete rubbish. For either transition, you do get an amazing about of changes way past the age of 21. The part about FTMs becoming aggressive is also false. I would suggest moving this topic to LGBT so the OP can get some good information as we have several transgender people on this forum.

I am not one of these people that will post 10 different websites where you can get info. I cannot sit still long enough to do that, but there are several people here I can think of, right off the top of my head, who are extraordinarily kind and will provide you with some great info.

One thing I can tell you right now is that these things take time and it's best not try hurry towards a "conclusion," though I know that is exactly what you're compelled to do right now. Love yourself enough to take the time for a sound decision. Don't let anyone push you one way or the other. Sometimes the transgender community will try to push you towards transition and cisgender people will try to persuade you NOT to do it. Don't give into pressure from either side and think about what's right for you.

I am intersex and am constantly bothered by people who think I should "go one way or the other." I've learned that this is all about them and has little to do with me. It took many years, but I realized what was in my heart all along: I am third gender and will never be a man or a woman. Living as either is completely foreign to me, just as the world of NTs is foreign to us Aspies.

Take care of yourself.

The first thing I want to say is that you're not too old. You're never too old. It might be more difficult to transition when you're 60 and I've known a few people over the internet that were doing that but it can be done if you really want to. I know one person in real life who looks like she's in her 40s and she's transitioning. She's visibly trans. She doesn't pass and that makes things more difficult but she still asserts who she is.

If you pass people won't question you and you'll face significantly fewer poor reactions and less discrimination. The people who can present as their true genders even when they don't pass are very courageous. It's easier once you're invisible. People don't have to know. Hormones can work wonders. The facial changes alone can make you look much more feminine.

I started hormones when I was 18 and that definitely wasn't too old. You're 21 so it's probably not that different. For some things such as breast growth genetics are also a factor. I've heard people say you can expect to be one size smaller than you're mother when hormones have done their job but they can take a long time. The first physical changes I noticed were on my face. Breast growth has been very slow and gradual. My mother has very small breasts so I'm not sure how much I'll get. Everything else has been great though and hormones definitely make you look more feminine.


Don't rush in though. As Kouzoku said, don't let yourself be pressured. Be honest with yourself and do what you feel is best for you. A gender therapist can help you sort through this. S/he can also refer you to an endocrinologist. Is there a clinic where you live? Find out what resources are available in your area. Finding a therapist is a good first step just to help you figure out whether or not you really want to transition.

+1

I do not wish to turn this into an argument. My point was that bone shape is locked and fixed before 21 and hormone treatment will not change the bone structure to be more masculine or feminine like. While I'm sure that the flesh would have some change (aka breast tissue or facial hair growth) the results past 21 would not be the same as if taken during puberty. I just did not want the OP to commit expecting a complete dramatic change from such treatment.



That's a wonderful way of thinking about it and I wish more people did.

It's not as simple as "hormones = breasts or facial hair. Bones aren't necessarily destiny and hormones affect more than just breasts and facial hair. Okay, more accurately: in some cases bones will be destiny and not others and in some cases the redistribution of fat (in the face as well as the rest of the body) will be enough and in others it won't. I.e. Billy Joe Armstrong of Green Day -- very narrow shoulders for a guy, but I doubt he every gets mistaken for woman very often.

Hormones "redistribute fat" (that's the phrase doctors use when talking about this stuff) all over the body, most notably the face. And, the human eye (well, brain) is very sensitive to that. Artists (and plastic surgeons) know this -- a face can look very male or female face depending on subtle differences. For example, the distance from the bottom of your nose the bottom of your upper lip is a gender marker -- meaning your eye will notice it, though probably only an unconscious level. Another marker is just under your cheekbones -- in women that area is usually filled in, which is why some super-models with "amazing" cheekbones are masculine-looking (and why very fat guys can have feminine-looking faces).

I mean, geeze, my hormones have been *slightly* off for some years and I can even see that the shape of my hands and feet have changed due to fat moving around. (I.e. knuckles seem much smaller due to more fat under the skin of the back of my hand.)

But anyway, my point is that there are a lot of variables so you can't make blanket statements. Does that mean that everyone can pull off transitioning? No, but that doesn't mean that transitioning at, say, 50 always fails or before 19 always succeeds.

lol guys tanks for replying I read what everyone said while sober.
Right now I;m not but thats better than nothing right??
Thats what I'm wooried about most. Not looking different enough. And thanks kouzouku, but I'm still personally worries people. ah, i f only, if only I could get a placeof my own, but having no lfe means no place of my own. xD

This is an interesting one, since it strikes so close to home for me.

I've always had a somewhat fluid feeling as to my own gender. Physically, I am very male. I'm 6'0", have broad shoulders, and my sister's boyfriend, a semi-professional bodybuilder, has said that he would kill for my build (If I actually lifted. Not very muscular, just bone structure). I would say that 60% of the time I'm fine with that, and about 10% of the time I f'ing love it and identify as 100% man. Then there's the other 30%...

I've always had this nagging sensation that something was wrong with my gender. I've never been a fan of my own dangly bits, and often, when I look at a beautiful woman, it's not with lust, but with jealousy. It's been this way as far back as I remember, my earliest active memory being when I was five years old. All through puberty, I crossdressed (until I got caught and earned a whupping). Every so often, it's like a switch flips, and I become mentally female. Unconsciously, my entire identity changes. I've literally planned out a transition, budgeted for operations, gone to a gender specialist, and come out to my family, and then switched back. Rather embarrassing.

We have to consider that binary gender has not always been as ingrained as it is now. Eunuchs, for example, have a long history in Eastern cultures (Albeit usually forced, rather than chosen), and several Native Americans cultures have the concept of trans people as being "Two-spirited" and considered them sacred, or so I've read. Modern people tend to like things cut and dry. I'm male, I'm female, I'm gay, I'm straight, I'm black, I'm white, I'm republican, I'm democrat. We live in a society of binary extremes, and we tend to look to other to define us. That's a mistake piled on a fallacy. The only person who truly knows you, knows your innermost thoughts, is you. That's it.

The question to ask yourself is "How do I feel most of the time?" For me, most of the time I'm cool with being a dude. The times I feel purely feminine outnumber the times I feel purely masculine, but I'm fine with being male 70% of the time. How do you feel? Do you feel the opposite most of the time? Then it'll probably pay off to transition. If not, it's safer and cheaper not to. Accepting yourself for who you are, however, is a million times more important than anything else. Get cool with the fact that you're never gonna be purely female or purely male, because honestly, no one is. Then you can worry about what you look like.

As far as transitioning at a "late age", I knew a girl once who transitioned at 27. She was thirty when I met her. Guess what? She was fiiiiiine. I saw before and after pictures, and it's honestly remarkable. I'd say that a marked effect can be achieved about into you forties, and it declines over time, but there's good news! It's not commonly recognized, but there's as much variation in female/male shapes as there is in voice. Nowhere near every woman has a perfect hourglass shape. You have skinny girls and muscular girl and broadshouldered girls... just as you have all of that variation in men. The way you carry yourself, your voice (training, hun. Lots of training), the words your use, the level of eye contact... Far more important than the physical changes that accompany hormones.

I really don't know what to say other than that I don't think it's too late for you to transition. Loads of people start on hormones later in life and pass just fine. Even so, passing doesn't change how you feel inside.

But I'm cis, so I don't really know if this helps.