Miserable and immune to therapy

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I am immune to therapy because of disassociation and alexithymia, and I'm quite miserable and can't stand to be around most people any more. So it's kind of like a trap.

EDITED

Last edited by Tyri0n on 24 May 2013, 12:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Don't try to kill yourself with pills!! ! It's the worst way . . . you have no idea if they will actually kill you - you could end up paralyzed and completely dependent on others. There are many more practical ways to do it with less risk. But having said this I don't think you should end it. Your posts are great and you sound like a really neat person. Just keep fighting - they keep making advances in medicine that change people's lives. Seroquel was my great find and yours is still out there.
I really hope you're okay, please hang in - things WILL get better.
*hugs*

Even I think you are a good person, you must have a golden heart. Don't kill yourself, many people will be sad, including me.

It's pretty much impossible to kill yourself with those two substances. If you try that, you have a very high chance of surviving but feeling very, very miserable (physically as well as mentally) for some time.

I remember you talked about taking a certain smart drug, one that should not be taken continuously and not in the dosages you did; you said you started feeling depressed whenever you tried to stop taking it. However, you also said that it helped you a lot, and so you might be able to find a dosage scheme that will give you the benefits without those side-effects. For that, you'll probably have to suffer through times of depression though (i.e. you could try to prepare yourself, e.g. by telling you to not make decisions during those times, by allowing yourself to not hold yourself to any standards you normally would, ...)



How do you know?

Experience. I've been there too many times (and I'm sure I'll be there again some day.) Nothing is static. The times when you want to kill yourself pass. You have to get through it without damaging yourself.

I have not taken that smart drug for awhile. The regimen is 2 months on, 2 months off. I have been 2 months off. Probably not doing it again, possibly because it brings back repressed memories.

And I took most of a bottle of Lexapro, and I just slept for many hours and feel horrible. Yes. Stupid.

edited...

What would you say would've been the ideal response to your post?

The idea of being immune to therapy isn't too helpful. There are things you can do, some of them may help, some may not. The only thing I got out of therapy was a more or less neutral person willing to discuss personal things with, which sometimes enabled me to adopt a different perspective on a situation. Techniques like CBT can definitely be helpful, they may not "solve" the problem but they support your ability to make good decisions for yourself.

The other issues with being miserable and unable to stand other people depend on the details - it may be possible to work on some of the causes for it, or find a different approach that might not be ideal but could work for you.

I considered writing more about my own experience, but I'm too tired and can't seem to come up with anything that makes sense, so this will be another one of my posts without much personality.

I see what you mean, and I probably read too much into that statement.
However, the question is how helpful this really is if getting better means to go from suicidal to "well, my life sucks but I can't quite be bothered to end it", and then back to suicidal eventually. What you kind of want to hear is that it _really_ gets better, i.e. you might get to feel some happiness maybe, or contentment at least, and of course, nobody can make such a promise.

I'm the same way. I've been to see two different professional counselors to talk to, and both of them think my problems are in a vicious cycle that's so hard to break that even they can't think of a way to break the vicious cycles. And if your counselors can't help solve your stress and anxiety issues for you, who can?

I've become too set in my ways. People push my buttons easily, some know which buttons to push, others need to be told. I just can't seem to change myself. I feel too embarrassed to change myself with my family. I know they would love nothing more for me to change and not be so stressy, but if someone does or says something that pushes my buttons and I don't react at all, the family all look at me expecting a reaction, and if there's no reaction from me, they ask if I'm all right. If not, they all just stare at me, then someone goes ''oh there's not a murmur from her today''. Then they accuse me of having another attitude, like a silent sulky attitude or something, so I can't win either way.

I am also not effected by therapies so I can understand what you mean.

But I still think you should try to find a new counselor. Just having someone to talk to will help you. Even small observations may set you in the right direction without you even thinking about it.

And try your best not to let bad ones get to you.

Sorry to hear you feel so bad

I've never got a lot out of therapy myself

CBT therapy helped me to stop thinking about negative things to improve my mood
but the therapist clearly didn't relate to me very much.

I've got more out of reading self-help books

'The Road Less Travelled' by M Scott Peck is one of the best I've read

If you've taken an overdose it's probably best to see your Dr so they can do a blood test to check your liver/kidneys are functioning ok

That's what I did last time I took one

You are a valued member on WP - you do threads that people find interesting so surely the fact people relate to you
and value your input should count for something

If you aren't on an anti-depressant, you might need to start one or change to a different one