Help! Mum too controlling

Post Reply New Topic

I have a man interested in me, OK he's older than me but I like him and I really want to give it a go, it's what I want to do, it may not sound great to other people but I know that if I didn't want him I wouldn't go with him, but it's what I WANT to do and I am.

But my mum is getting really nasty about it. She's threatening to ring up the company he works for and reporting him. I am really panicking about this because it will just make things bad for me and then she will look like she's trying to keep me from having my own life, and I will never get any boyfriends if things carry on like that.

She then told me to f**k off and be with him, and that the close relationship between her and me will be ruined. I got upset, and I want him, but I don't like seeing my mum this stressed either. I'm afraid she might commit suicide.

I would move out, but I can't afford it at the moment. I've got a part-time job what I've only just started a few months ago, and it was the only job I could find would suit me, and I can't get anywhere full-time, not that I would want to work full-time anyway because of different health reasons.

I just don't know what to do. I feel torn, and whenever he makes arrangements to see me, I've got to think of a way to do it without upsetting my mum. I don't like lying to her, because I then feel guilty, and I'm afraid I might get found out and she will never trust me any more. But she said that if she sees him she wants to give him a mouthful, so I can't even get her to meet him. I don't want my mum spoiling things for me. I am 23 years old, and yes it is hard to let go of your children once they reach a certain age, but that's life and she's just got to accept it. There's been plenty of things in my life what I didn't want changed, and I didn't take it too well, but I still didn't interfere and spoil their fun.
Also I will still love her no matter who I'm with. I don't know what to do. It's causing loads of extra stress on me, stress what needn't happen.

Your mum cannot control you like this. You're 23, and you're perfectly entitled to enter into any relationship you want.

First of all, wait until she has calmed down, and have a talk with her explain that you understand why she is upset, and that it is difficult to let go of one's children, but also explain things from your point of view. I've read many of your posts, and I can tell that much of your life has been filled with depression and disappointment. Explain that you feel a genuine connection to this man, and that this feels like your one chance at happiness. Of course, she may be acting like this because she's worried that he'll let you down, so you'll have to convince her that you're capable of dealing with that, if it happens.

If all else fails, you could try involving another family member who may be able to view things more rationally.

Don't allow the threats to call the company to get to you. You're both responsible adults, and besides, his personal life is none of their business.

Good luck.

Mum's are all controlling, that's why you didn't get run over by a car or eaten by rabid squirrels when you were 4.
If they like you they often don't know how to stop...

Tell your mother to go ahead and report the guy for being interested in someone who is well into adulthood. Make sure you record the laughter of the person on the end of the phone so that you can play it back the next time she tries to pull something so idiotic.

No, he will still get into trouble. She'll probably say ''my young daughter'' and ''she's vulnerable'' and ''he's been kissing her during his breaks.'' She'll make it sound wrong, whether I'm an adult or not. I would understand her doing that for me if I really wasn't interested in him and was getting creeped out by him, but I'm not. I know me, I've had to say no to men before who I wasn't interested in but they wouldn't give in and I was getting annoyed, but this time I really want this man, so it's not me being stupidly naive.

If she reports him, he might think it was me, since not many people know about our relationship yet. I don't want to look like someone who would pretend to like a man then get them into trouble. It will make me feel extremely awkward.